Hello

By the way I'm into fruit machines. Right now I'm in an airport and though I don't know where it is, I can hear a fruity. I have anxiety as a result of not playing and feel terrible. But that's what I find annoying. Right now I have to fight so hard not to gamble and will win, but then a few weeks time I'll jsut casually decide to gamble a "couple" of pounds. Maybe I could get a chip implanted that gives me an electric shock if I go in a bookies (or service station which is enemy #1!!)

Ok, 5 days have passed with no gambling, today on my way back from work I had a bit of anxiety and kept picturing 4 leprachauns rolling in!! Anyhow, made it home unscathed and imagined that ordinarily I'd be £100 worse off right now. I do feel a bit more confident this time that I might do a bit better - though one day at a time for the rest of my life seems a long battle!!!

I know it's hard sometimes to keep the routine up and come here everyday but it's worth it and it helps! I first started diary here year ago and same thing happened to me.. I was clean for couple of months but then slowly dropped my guards, didn't come here so often and at some point didn't come here at all. And soon after that I was back to gambling again. Now I'm back, started new diary, 9 days clean and have been here everyday and I know I have to be here almost every day to make this work. But it doesn't take much to do that, just a few clicks and you are here, so just try to keep the routine even (or especially) when you don't feel like logging here. It's big help with not much effort and could just be the key for you too!

And hey you have good start so keep it up! All the best!

keep going strong and you will succeed. We are all here for you if you need us

Cheers guys and good luck Jer, I will try to login here every day if I can. Thanks for the support, does make a difference.

Hi Ben

Make it a priority to get on here and post. I used to think the same and soon drifted back to bookies. I would then make it a priority to be in there instead of more pressing matters. So I figured that I would swap the roles of bookies for Gamcare site. Take care

b*m, after 7 weeks of no problems, stopped at a service station for a burger and lost £90, got home and chased it online -£250. Same story as I always face, let my guard down when I feel like I don't need to gamble, so what's the harm in a couple of quid. Strangely, even though it seems like a random one off I kind of had a feeling it was coming, I have had a couple of pangs to gamble the last few days but managed to ward them off. Strange how it just rears it's head after so many weeks. Now it's passed again I just feel a bit like "what was that all about", particularly the chase when I got home. Well back to the drawing board for now. I think I made a previous promise to get professional help if I gambled again, I'll look into it - if anyone has had a good experience with counsellors please let me know.

OK, don't mean to go on but don't feel my post gamble debrief to the world has finished yet!! I think my gambling needs a long term solution, I'm pretty good at the short term things, leaving my cards at home, overcoming the panic feeling when you want to gamble. These are the things I'm terrible at: After a month or two, I feel I can handle a small 'innocent' gamble, I have no real urge to gamble I just think it would be enjoyable - of course it isn't. The other thing I'm bad at is stopping once I start, typically I'll have a manic few hours (i.e. stop at every service station on the way home) and then I'll snap back into gambling is stupid again.

Why do £500 jackpot machines have to exist - what was wrong with the jackpot being £6!!

I really do feel at a loss tonight. I don't really feel that P'd off, as I know after a few weeks I'll still regret losing but will have to learnt to live with it. What I do feel down about is that I really don't know what else to try that works. I know there's no magic bullet, but I want one!! I really strongly feel that this addiction is what will define my life the most. Probably for my life so far this has been the case.

I read other people's diaries it breaks my heart that they're going though what they are. It just seems so stupid, why do we do it. I hate reading the optimistic messages on the first day and then scrolling down to find the hopeless desperation when the first slip occurs and it's back to day one again. Why can't we all just be made better!!

I understand everything that you have said, I am a bit like you with the machines, I am not in debt apart from a cc which I have the money to pay, but over the years have lost thousands to the machines, became worse when the £500 jackpots came in, and you know sometimes I find that 3 leprachauns pay better and 4 lol. Like you I have stopped for a while and then you think that you are cured and that you can have a few pounds and walk away, it doesn't work like that, a bit like the alcoholic can never just have 1 drink, guess we just all need some will power here, or we are gonna never have any money to even live day to day on, good luck, I do find reading diaries and posting does help. All the best, Juliette

In work, rest of weekend was ok, but still feeling stupid. My girlfriends would be gutted if she knew how much money I lost as we are both trying to save hard. Thanks, for your comments Juliette, I too hate the dissapointment of 4 leprachauns and only winning £25!! At least with three you only expect £12 so once it goes past that you're instantly thinking come on the £500!! I do find gambling strange, because although I think £500 would be nice, it's not really the money that motivates me. I'm happy with my lot, it's not a greed thing. But then despite my previous post, I really wouldn't get the same `enjoyment' from playing a game with a tiny jackpot. I don't really understand it and most the time when I'm winning I'm not that happy, if I lose I'm gutted and if I win I kind of feel fairly neutral - after all I expect to win!! I know with gambling I lose and its bad, but all the helpful techniques people give you are based on being rational, when I really want to gamble it's not the rational part of my brain thinking. We'll see I do agree posting on here is beneficial its just sticking to the routine.

I last posted on here over 6 years ago and thought I would post an update as there was a story about gambling prevailance on the radio this morning. I never managed to completely stop gambling, by that I mean that one day I didn't simply say "that's the end of it I will never gamble again". However, I do now feel gambling is not a problem for me. The big change for me was that about 5 years ago I asked my wife to marry me and to save for a wedding I couldn't afford to lose any money and was always scared of her finding out the true scale of things. The following year we had our first child and the sense of guilt I would feel if I gambled would outway the enjoyment of gambling. Gradually I gambled less and less to the point where I no longer have a problem. Make no mistake, I am still a gambling addict, in August on a long journey I stopped at a service station for dinner and allowed myself to put £10 in a fruity, the difference was I ended up losing £20 instead of the £100+ I would have lost 6 years ago (and kicked myself hard for allowing myself at all), there was also an incident last year where I spent £30 on an online casino, but again six years ago it would have been £300. However, this is extremely rare now and the fact these stick in my mind is a good sign, though incidents like this make me realise how easily I could slip back into bad habits. I don't have any good advice unfortunately on how I got it under control, but mostly it was the fact that I would feel to guilty towards my children, I can't conceal my gambling now as my finances are visible to my wife and I simply can't afford to gamble (I can't put it on a credit card any more and those nursery fees are high!). I will always have a gambling problem to some degree and it will just be a case of managing it for the rest of my life, but I no longer feel that sense of anxiety as I approach a service station that tells me to just pop into try a lucky fiver. For me it was a 25 year battle, I wouldn't say I've beaten my gambling addiction, we've just called a truce for now that's all.

Well done mate. It was like reading a diary about myself here. I hope I can have the same determination as you as I will hopefully be starting a family in the next couple of years. Good to see someone doing well

False hope for a lot of people there Ben methinks! Sounds to me like you would have lost more had you been able to get your hands on it...That’s not controlled gambling that’s a semi broken triangle affording you damage limitation.

Well done on having the strength to come clean & accepting that you need to manage your addiction, don’t let it suck you back in though...If you didn’t have a tenner to lose, you definitely didn’t have £20!