Help

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Thanks people. Yeah I am a social guy and got very very lost in the heart break and emotion of the break up. I can't wait for Sunday with my niece. She will be in my life forever so I know I can invest some love and emotion in her without it all being taken away. This past couple of months has destroyed my heart but it's still beating and I want to put it into some positive things now.

Yes Man is the movie. I think being a Yes Man has been part of my problem! I have learnt so much from my Councelling and this break up, I feel like I know exactly what path I am on now and I will stick to it forever.

Day 120 today. No gambling, no urges. This diary really helps keep me motivated so thanks all for your contributions.

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Day 121, no bets or urges. I know in my heart, stomach and mind my gambling is a thing of the past

Had a tough day today. Thinking a lot about my ex and her daughter, I miss them so much. My ex has cut all communication with me now and I have no idea if I will ever see my step daughter again. I have no legal rights and it is absolutely destroying me inside thinking about her and wanting to play games with her and see her beautiful little smile again. My situation is so brutal I f#cking hate myself for what I have done and what I have lost.

They were truly my world

DAY 122 begins

Day 123 today. Busy weekend ahead. I have no urges or feeling towards gambling.

I am off to see a life coach tomorrow, I am filling my time focussing on now living the best possible life I can. No one is ever too broken, too scarred to create change, never stop fighting, never lose faith.

I have learnt massive ammounts from this and it really is the defining moment of my life. My friends have been unbelievable. My ex walked away because she felt I wasn't good enough for her and that guy probably wasn't in some ways. The guy typing this has learned from his mistakes, gained control and understands himself. I will be better for this experience as painful as it has been.

Hopefully she will know one day how much I loved her and her daughter, I was a good guy with deep rooted issues and problems that needed addressing. I would have walked 5 miles through broken glass for them and still would, It will sadden me forever she couldn't stand by me and try to work through it with me but I do understand I have hurt her too much. She has hurt me too but I am standing here stronger than ever with more determination to be a man that I love and others do too.

You never know what may happen in the future Matt, but for just now it's all about you......

You are doing all he right things my friend....keep going.

Damo

Thanks Damo. So determined to change my life for the better even if the tragedy is its at the expense of the best thing that ever happened to me.

Day 124 done

Keep going matt, you're doing so well. With you all the way x

Day 125 done. Had such a lovely morning and afternoon with my niece went to the cinema and Pizza Hut, we have a special bond and I love it.

Had to deal with some more c**P from my ex who had posted some bull sh#t on Facebook aimed at me it seems. Unfortunately she has underestimated my strength this time and I won't be emotionally abused anymore. I miss her daughter so much but my exes true colours are quite frightening so I know that is the chapter finished for that part of my life.

She can remain bitter forever that is her call but for me life is there to be lived, I'm smiling and I cannot wait to get stuck into it.

Night all

day 126 today. I cannot wait to feel some stability in my life again. This roller coaster has taken huge ammounts out of me. I guess I must have some inner strength as I am still alive and kicking and gamble free.

Feeling quite low this morning, my heart has been torn to shreds and the pain continues. Today is day 127 of being gamble free, I know I will stay on this path but it does feel very much too little too late in a way.

Hi Matt been a while since I posted to you but been following your progress and your doing well bud.

It might be a little to late on the last chapter of your life but you have many more chapters to write. Keep plugging away good things will happen if you continue the way you are.

KTF