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Hi Matt, natural to look back. It helps us learn and evolve. I've still been following your story you continue to go from strength to stength.

Amazing my friend. Well done for now and the successful landmarks still to come!

Your journey still amazes me buddy ! Who would have thought 304 days just went like a blink of an eye ! Keep up the good work 🙂 you're awesome matt !

Day 305

I don't think I am amazing or awesome but thanks! I do however know coming this far gamble free is an achievement, especially with how my life has been over the past months.

Another weekend is nearly upon me. I plan to crack on with some man chores (treated myself to a new cordelss hoover lol) and then for some drinks I think tomorrow evening. Sunday I have no plans at all. I might go for a walk, I might have a bbq, I might do both weather dependant. Very weird knowing I can literally do whatever I feel like, no ties, commitments etc. I know I need to take advantage of these times as life isn't always so simple.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Matt

On day 4 of my recovery I wrote the following.

You do not realise who you become when you are gambling. Yes the thrill is there but other things get put to the side. You don't realise you neglect other things. My missus and I have been having small arguements recently and she said that she felt that I have not been there for her recently. Her words....you are there in body but I feel like I am talking to myself and all you care about is football. (I haven't told her about my problem which I know is wrong but she is also now my motivation to get better). We sat down and played a board game and had a glass of wine and the buzz of contentment I got from that outweighs any big win.

My ex never knew how much I truly loved her and wanted us to be a family, I was doing all I could to recover, fighting a lonely battle. I covered up my secrets so they wouldn't hurt her and tried to move forward. The moment she found out I was troubled and I had wronged her she ran for the hills throwing grenades at me and tried to destroy me. I will come back to this post reguarly as I now know what I deserve in life.That is someone who will accept me, support me and my past and encourage my recovery. Not attempt to stamp on my head and twist an emotional knife deep into my soul. I know what love is, I know what emotional pain is, I know what addiction is and I know what caused mine. I also know I fully deserve to be happy and the strength I have gained will live with me forever. I have made mistakes, I have learned from them and I am a good person.

Matt

Whale watching and the Northern Lights.

LOVE THESE!!!

what a difference - to past choices! - I can't wait to read your posts about them both

DAY 309 and possibly my most difficult diary entry since my break up.

I guess here is the place to confess. I got a big urge to gamble at the weekend. Not a major stakes one but a season long bet as the football season had started, what stopped me? Initially I made a call as a self excluision period was up with an online bookie, I started to go through the process of re-opening but then thought, jeez what am I doing? I thankfully had the self awareness and knew that it could potentially open up a can of worms and probably give me the bug again. I broke free from the urge, that little nagging monster was put to bed before he woke the huge monster up. Realising how far I have come I do not want to go down a path of potential self destruction. I managed to refrain, instead I did some gardening, cleaned the house and felt a sense of achievement once all was completed.

I didn't know whether to write this on here because in some way I felt huge disappointment in myself for nearly breaking. However I feel I need to document this as I want to be honest with myself and to everyone here who has supported me and look at my diary as a little bit of inspiration. I want everyone to know we are only a moment away from a relapse and that is something we all need to realise. Yes we are in control but you can never be complacent.

Stay strong all.

Matt

Matt,

That is bloody fantastic fella - I was dreading the next sentence but no, you didn't go there! Well done, inspirational indeed. that's a big f### off to gambling! enjoy today and enjoy day 310 etc etc - great strength and thanks for sharing

Dan

Hi Dan

Thank you. I appreciate the support and encouragement. I am pleased to read you are also keeping the demons at bay. 124 days for you nice work.

Yeah really looking forward to the whale watching and Northern lights, I am a bit of a nature geek 🙂

Hi Matt

d**n right this the place to share your concerns over urges and you should of done it on the day rather than waiting. Your diary it to show the ups and downs of recovery not just the ups which are now out waying the downs. Keep posting good and bad bud.

Hey buddy ,

Massive respect for abstaining and sharing your experience ! You've done so well and worked so hard where you are now ! Only one little slip can cost you everything ! Keep it up bud !

Sars

Thanks Guys

Day 310, no more urges so I have definitely ridden the wave.

Stay strong all

Matt

Hi Matt . Know exactly where your coming from . Part of me keeps thinking I could have a few carefully chosen bets on the football if I judged the odds where in my favour . How crazy is that . Fortunately my GamCare brain knows better .

I was over the moon that you stuck to your guns and chose not to gamble . 310 Days is such a long time into your recovery and it shocked me you came so close to disaster . I would have been less suprised seeing the pope in a mankini playing beach volleyball.

Like Sharon said we put it all in our diaries even though we have never seen our GamCare friends . However these friends are amongst the best friends I have ever had . For 90 days they have supported and encouraged me . They have shared their wisdom and given me good advice . They have never abused me or criticised me , in fact they have always shown me respect . They have shared happiness and sadness with me .

Take care Matt ..... stephen

Hi Matt

Well done on 310 days, think you are a testament to what can be done with this horrible addiction if you stay strong and work hard and never give up.

Annie x

Hi Matt,

I am at day one and I must say that reading your diary helped me to take the plunge and do one of my own. I relate to a lot of your gambling highs and lows. Good luck on reaching your year, you must feel a great sense of achievement! I can't wait until I reach a similar milestone and to see what doors open up as they have done for you. Again, amazing job mate.

Jay

Day 311

Thanks all for your continued support, encouragement and positive comments, they mean a lot.

Stephen, Mankini's should be illegal, even for the Pope so if I ever have the urge again I will think of that image, refrain and throw up a little in my mouth :-). Regards this forum, you have a friend here in me here whenever you need it.

Annie thank you, I am no quitter so I hope I can beat it forever.

Jay, congrats on your Day 1 mate, that is the first BIG milestone. I wish you all the best in your recovery and will keep an eye on your diary.

Stay strong all

Matt