Help

Day 630

Sorry for the lack of update I was away with work and then took a holiday and got back at the Weekend.

Hi CG, thanks for thinking of me and stopping by, pleased to hear you are smashing it too. Life without gambling is a very different place and I hope you are enjoying every bit of it.

Hi Sars, thanks for the encouragement mate, always appreciated.

So where do I start.... went to Kiev to visit a friend/customer of mine who has recently got a new position and business for us is booming. My boss travelled with me and he was pretty speechless at what I have achieved out there so that felt good. I have worked extremely hard these last 18 months in all departments so I feel proud in a lot of ways.

Holiday I went with my GF and had a really nice time, great weather, a stunning resort and some good memories made. I have broken free of every demon I have previously had and that feels good.

Back to work today but a day tinged with sadness. A colleague here is seriously ill and maybe only has 6 months left of his life. This goes to show you just never know what is in store for you so you have to live your best life. Turn your back on the gambling demon people, it is the only way to guarantee a better path.

Matt

DAY 631

Just a small note. This is the first time I can truly sit back and enjoy a world cup. In the past 3 tournaments I have been betting heavily and lost a huge ammount of money. Weird when I look back and realise what I was capable of.

Day 640

I often like to look back to this point exactly a year ago.

I wrote

DAY 275

Busy weekend, Friday I went out locally for a lad's birthday. Went into town and we all had a few too many. I came home and I guess the alcohol took over and I got a little upset. I went into what was my exes daughter's room and shed some tears. There is still some grieving to be done it appears.

I remember that night, it was a very emotional one for me as the reality and the grief hit me at random times back then. I know i will never speak again to the little girl who was in my life nearly every day for four years. I also know she will never know quite how much she touched my life and contributed in changing me for the better. Ultimately I did it for myself but she helped me keep focussed in times of crisis and I often think back to some nice times we shared together. I look at that period as one of the many little adventures life can throw up and that period came to an end to start the next chapter.

Take care all

Matt

DAY 648

Well this will probably be my biggest update yet on a personal note. My recovery has had many ups and downs but I continue along that path.

Today my boss has pulled me to one side for a meeting. In that meeting cutting a long story short he has confirmed to me he is retiring next August and wants to hand the company over to me. He has met with lawyers yesterday and a strategy is in place. They said it can be completed in 6 months but he said he doesn't want to overwhelm me so has given a year as a guideine.

I am lost for words. I am a firm believer in fate. The last 18 months-2 years I have left gambling behind, focussed on my career and now this. If I had continued gambling I would have been minimum bankrupt and would not be approved to be a director of a company. I simply cannot believe how far my life has moved forward since I made the decision enough was enough and stuck to it.

I am so thankful I found the strength to change my life. I really hope my story can be an example to anyone starting out on the journey or struggling with this illness that there is a future if you abstain.

Matt

You know, I've been around for a few years and I've been through a lot.

For one reason or another, I don't tend to post on other peoples' diaries but I felt that I had the need to do so.

It is so, so nice to see a positive change in one's life through staying away from that evil world of gambling.

I wish you all the very, very best in your exciting new venture.

NT

Hi Matt even though I don't know you in 'real life' I couldn't be happier for you after everything you've been through. Not just gambling recovery but all the other s*** life has thrown at you and I'm sure you must have felt like giving up so many times. You are a shining example that true dertermination and belief in yourself will move you forward, Congratulations and here's to your bright future S x

You did it Matt - now it's time to reap the rewards!!! - so happy for you!! X

Wow mate, that is amazing news. I’m sure will be an absolute credit going forward with the business you seem to love it which is the most important.

I’m very early in my post gambling life but the differences are amazing, you are a real inspiration when you read through everything you have been through. Good luck and enjoy your first, not bets WC final today

Congratulations Matt on your continued good progress in your gamble free life.

Success in both your professional and private life is due to hard work, diligence and refraining from gambling. It is also a great reminder to other compulsive gamblers that a better life is there if one is prepared to walk away from gambling.

Wishing you every success, contentment and peace as you rock on up the recovery road with a smile on your face and joy in your heart. Take care and be happy...stephen

Matt

I just read through your diary - congratulations on a great achievement and for also having the dedication to keep posting on here. I’m back at day one today - I thought I’d moved in from it and had almost 3.5 years with a no gambling life, but in 2017 the wheels started to come off and it has got progressively worse.

I’m going to learn from your posts - I need to remind myself I’m a compulsive gambler and that will power alone will not be enough - I need to find other ways to motivate myself

dAY 651

Thank you all so much for your comments on my diary. I really cannot tell you how much keeping this diary alive helped me and the kindness and help I received here contributed to my recovery. At my darkest times this place was my only release, only this diary told of the real me. My life was a big horrible secret but I was offered kindness and a small sense of freedom here and I will always be grateful. Sharon, Stephen, LML you have been there for a good part of it and I want you to know that you all have a piece of my heart even if I don't know you "in real life".

My future feels secure, my life feels in my control and now I have every tool I need to fulfill my potential.

Still feel overwhelmed and coming to terms with it all but I cannot wait for the next adventure in my life.

dAY 651

Thank you all so much for your comments on my diary. I really cannot tell you how much keeping this diary alive helped me and the kindness and help I received here contributed to my recovery. At my darkest times this place was my only release, only this diary told of the real me. My life was a big horrible secret but I was offered kindness and a small sense of freedom here and I will always be grateful. Sharon, Stephen, LML you have been there for a good part of it and I want you to know that you all have a piece of my heart even if I don't know you "in real life".

My future feels secure, my life feels in my control and now I have every tool I need to fulfill my potential.

Still feel overwhelmed and coming to terms with it all but I cannot wait for the next adventure in my life.

HI Matt!

You supported me when I first arrived here in pieces. It's great to see you trooping onwards, and feeling positive about life. Thank you for keeping your diary alive!

day 660

Just over a year since I bought the ex out and changed the locks on my house after a crazy little period of emotional abuse.

Life is good, got lots of plans to start doing bits to my house. Sometimes I realise just how quickly life flashes by, you only get one shot at it so don't waste it gambling!

Hi Matf
Thanks so much for posting and all your support. Great to hear life is steady and good for you, you truly deserve every happiness. Happy Weekend Sx