Here goes.. Day 1 of no gambling.

Hi there and welcome to the forum :)) .

Your post mirror's us all on her one way or another and your right when you say " It's a toxic routine " , the issue is breaking that routine and creating a new one my friend .

It's all about creating a different mindset which means a lot of change , identifying why you gamble ? what your triggers are and what your going to do in order to make the changes needed to have a gamble free life ? .

Change is definately possible , I'd gambled for a good 35 plus years but have not had a bet in the last 3 since coming here and that's from someone who at one point could not have gone 3 hours without placing a wager of some sort .

You have another major similarity between most of us compulsive gamblers on here which is " My wife has no idea and I could never tell her " ? , we've all been frightened to death of telling the person were supposed to be honest and faithfull to our darkest secret but in order to succeed in giving up gambling it's a conversation you will need to have my friend .

Gambling loves our secret side and will sit quite happily waiting for the moment when it's allowed to raise it's head again and sitting and having that conversation that we all dread will be important to you when that happen's , honesty and transparency allows it nowhere to hide and more importantly it will allow you to begin a new life and continue as mean to go on .

There's a lot of info on this forum regarding blocking software and self exclusions ( maybe check out Mixers thread at the top of the page) which outlines many thing's you can put in place to limit the ability to gamble and while this will allow you some thinking time before attempting to place a bet , you being accountable to your partner instead of just yourself will make such a difference .

I know this post will come accross as all " Doom and gloom " but once the foundations are in place thing's will begin to change . The definition of madness is to " Keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result " .

I'm sure we'll talk again soon buddy and You can definately do this but you just have to want to enough :)) .

Alan

Thanks for your reply Alan, your words are encouraging certainly not doom and gloom. It is a massive relife to know that others have been as enslaved to gambling as I have/am. I realise I am only on the first step on a long path and it is intimidating. I have had this issue for about 16 years, my whole adult life, I feel as though it defines who I am and what I do. Who am I without the secrecy and debt and rush of the win/loss???

As for the reason for my gambling, I can give a story of self pitty and internaly justify it with periods of anxiety, loneliness, stress but we all have a story to tell, we dont all gamble. I have a nice life with a good family and friends and a job I enjoy, good health and no major concerns. The truth is... I will gamble come rain or shine. If I have a stressfull day I will gamble, if I have had a relaxing day off I will gamble.

I have used gambling blocks but with so many devices on hand I will always bypass the block. I have self excluded but the drive to gamble is so strong that I always find a way to get around registration. One thing I do need to to is cut down on the alcohol, after a few drinks I will happily deposit stupid amounts and lose. I hate waking up trying to search my foggy memory to recall how many hundreds of hard earned cash has been lost on a tiny animated screen.

I just received an email from a casino I lost money on last night.... They say they are refunding £120 as I should have been stopped from depositing as I am self excluded. A few days ago I would have taken this as the green light to open another account with a different casino and deposit the £120 'free money' (crazy the way the mind of a gambler works... We think we have 'won' if we get a few quid back and ignore the fact that we have lost thousands in order to get it!). However I am determined not to fall into that trap.

I know you are right in what you say about being honest and telling my wife. We have a good relationship and I know she would be supportive though shocked and very upset, but I can't. I just can't.

Thanks again for your input, it meen alot. J

It certainly doesn't have to define who you are anymore J ! .

I know youv'e stated that youv'e found a way around blocking software but just wondering if you'd tried Gamban as it seems to help many on here ? . Mine was alway's face to face gambling , Bookies , Casino's but the Fobt machines in the shops were my downfall or should I say " Salvation " as they caused me to finally take back control of my life .

As alway's it's your choice if you choose to tell your partner or not and I'm not here to judge anyone but I will say that in order to beat this addiction the more support you have the better , trouble is it's never easy for a compulsive gambler to admit he's beaten and that he's messed up I know I struggled to accept that myself but it's only when you do let go and accept , that your able to let go of the losses that keep you clinging to the hope that one more win will make everything right again .

Have a look around the site when you have the time and you'll probably have plenty now your not gambling :)) , there's plenty of wisdom and inspiration on these pages , you just need to take what you need for now and take one day at a time :)) .

Speak to you soon J .

2 days no gambling!

Slept well and woke with no nasty internal tension about how much I have lost the night before.

My bank overdraft is still maxed to ВЈ993 out of ВЈ1000 as it took another ВЈ50 hit today due to last month's overdraft fees being deducted. I have £3.20 in my wallet. But I have a smile on my face.

Cheers Alan. I will take a look at gamban.

Bookies have never posed much of an issue for me, I think physically putting the money in the machines brought home to me how much money I was spending.

Online gaming is so accessable. I can be watching a film with the wife and wagering ВЈ100s per min on my phone. I have lost £1200 in one min while making kids dinner and if someone walks in they think I am just sending a WhatsApp. Also using a debit/credit card makes it feel easier to deposit obscene amounts.

Because of mobile phone gaming it is so accessable... Iike a drug addict who carries a device in their pockets which could give them their next fix.

I have been reading through the site. One tip that worked last night is just hold on 5min when you get the urge to gamble. Just tackling getting through the next 5min was enough to get me over the hurdle of not gambling. If I felt I had to get through a whole evening I would feel it's insurmountable.

Cheers, J

Hi J .

It may be worth looking at Gamstop as well , it deals with self excluding all the online gaming sites :).

As for the urge's ............ We all get them at some point and some can be a right bu gger to shift but just do something /anything that will distract you from the moment , sound's stupid for a bloke but with me it was cleaning or decorating that used to work or a good long walk with just enough cash for well earned coffee in my pocket :)) .

Have a great day mate .

I am nearly giving in, so close gambling. My wife is away till tomorrow with sister and kids in bed, so decided to check my email addresses to see if there were any offers of free bets. This is the optimum time for me to gamble

It's bouncing around the back of my mind....I am maxed out but if I used my HSBC debit card it would still process a deposit of upto £500 with big bank charges. I could deposit £100 and play Blackjack... Stop when the balance is at £250 and then withdraw £200 leaving £50 to play slots with and doubling my initial deposit. A few months ago I did this and ended up withdrawing £2000 in two hours. Of course I lost the whole £2000 and more within 2 days of it hitting my bank account.

The reality is, if I followed my plan, I would probably would achive getting £250 based on a £100 deposit, I would then withdraw £200, but then I will lose the £50 I left on the casino bankroll. Then I would reverse the £200 and blow it. I would then start to chase the initial £100 net loss and end burning the entire £500 at my disposal. I would drink alcohol to sleep then wake up at 2am with a sick presure of guilt and anxiety on my chest, lying awake until the morning light starts to break through the curtains as I try and plan how I could get through to payday....

Instead I came on the site and read a few stories of others who are trying to fight the same issue. Going to head downstairs and clear out the fridge, what an exciting life. Gambling WONT get the better of me tonight.

Having been in your wife's position I can virtually guarantee you that she would rather know now than continue living a lie. All the time you don't tell her you take away her informed choices (I stayed albeit with 101 conditions). She will find out. Telling her puts you in control of how that happens and means you can show her, not tell her what you are doing to stop your access to gambling.

The reality is if you gamble again your back in the cycle once again and as I said the other day " Nothing changes if nothing changes " .

Now you see why I said you need to tell your wife , would you gamble if she knew ? Have you installed any of the blocking software or registered with gamstop ?? .

There's many thing's you could be doing this evening instead of thinking about gambling again and the main one should be " How your going to make sure you can't gamble again " ? .

re read your first post from the other day " What's changed " ? .

Another thought: telling her makes you accountable for your actions which in turn makes it very much harder for you to gamble in the secrecy gambling thrives on. It's all too easy justify another bet, another chase of those losses, putting off getting to the roots of the addiction when you only have yourself to convince.

Thanks for both of your input.

Lethe. You are 100% correct. Deep down I know I should be upfront but I have a massive mental barirer in doing so. You are right that the gambling feeds of secrecy.

I have destroyed all of my credit cards. I have one debit card left which I need to live on. I have requested paper statements from this account sent to my house so I can't hide the transactions. I think this will be a motivation not to gamble. I have also closed my paypal account so I can't make transactions with that anymore.

As yet I have not installed gamblock. I tried a few years ago and it screwed up my phone so had to remove it. But I will look into it again , I am sure the technology is much improved these days.

I have been looking into the new Bank Accounts that you can request not making any gambling transactions from your account. Seems as though you can override the block though so there seems little point.

Thanks Alan... When you say 'what has changed' from my last post. My mindset has changed in the past week I have a deep realisation that gambling is a total waste of money and time, the big win which will sort out all my money issues is not going to come. If a big win did happen I would only gamble it away and chase the losses.

After reading many posts on this site I feel privilaged that I can come to this realisation now in my 30's and recover financialy and get rid of this curse.

thanks the both of you

3 days and no gambling!

Apologies J , I wasn't so much saying what's changed in you but more of what had changed in the circumstances that had brought you here just incase you decided to give in and gamble the other night .

I can see from your post that your mindset has changed and that you made a good judgement call in not placing a wager, so well done on fighting those urges off :)).

You know those to post's from Lethe are good reading for us as she's on the otherside of the fence ie Those affected by the carnage we cause , so another place for you to look for an insight into what we do aswould be the " Family and Friend's " section as it really bring's it home as to what we can be capable of and how our actions affect our loved ones and I'm not sure initially that's something as an active Compulsive gambler we truly understand ?.

Talk to you soon J

Best wishes

Alan