Here goes nothin :-)

Welcome Cmburt,

I'm glad to see you have started a diary on here. Its a good place to let your feelings out, writing them down helps you and others.

Its also good to look back at your diary entrys..

just to remind yourself: how your gambling actions led you to risk your 'safety and wellbeing' by walking through town, at night, alone..

"Just for flashing lights and £15".

You say that you have 'too much time on your hands'. Use the time to plough through this site. There is a lot of useful information on here, that may help.

Well done for two days. Keep strong

Jackie

((cmburt))

glad you made it home safely.

it's scary what we will do when we are in the grips of this thing.

glad you're here and sharing...i know it helps me!

peg

Thanks to peg and jac. feel so supported and strong right now. this really helps.

cmburt xx

Hi CMBURT,

It is my first day too, just wanted to say well done for getting to two days, keep counting, and good luck.

Take care

Tracey

Hi Claire

Well done on finding this site, making your decision and sticking to it.

Thanks very mcuh for your great comments - it means so much to know that someone has read my posts and not only have they enjoyied it but have found it helpful.

Its not an easy process - i found hte first week or so ever so hard - the noises, dreams etc - but it does get better - i find it all about focus - i keep myself so so busy that I don't even have time to think about playing. I also found that postibng as often as poss really helped me focus my thoughts as well.

Good luck and keep posting to let us know how things are giong - even in the hard times rush to a PC log on and write all your thoughts down

All the best

Scott x x

Thanks to tracy and scott and keep up the good work both of you, i'm rooting for you both.

Had a strange day. worked this morning then had to go through town to get to a friends and needed a couple of things. this is always where my downfall happens because they have several 'bandit shops' in and around the town centre. fortunately i only had a fiver on me - i have handed the reigns of my finances to my mum, not strong enough to handle my own. as i only had the fiver i knew i couldn't go in. it was as i started my journey into town (on foot - dont drive) that i started to panic, chest tightened, did i have any other money/bank cards, could i get some. the whole journey to town, around town and to my friends house was a trauma!!! arguing with myself not to do it, you wont win, you dont want to, with the money you save you can buy a new..... faced with its only a couple of pound, maybe you could call at **** to borrow some cash, you could try the bank without your card, go inside and see (mum also has this) i am very pleased to say i did not succumb and am now three full days free of fruit machines. am already worrying about thursday - payday. although i do feel i will be ok due to my family closely monitoring me - no trips to town alone with money/bank cards. also worrying about saturday night - big night out with the girls. sister will be with me so that'll help but it is second nature to go to the bandit - i actually hate doing this because i end up missing half the night, the girlie chat, lads chattin us up!! because i'm on the bandit - it just calls to me tho. really want to go as its a special occasion but if i make my appearance and really feel its all too much i'll come home. i'd rather do that than slip back and its a small step - maybe the following time i might manage to stay longer. i may yet manage the whole evening - who knows.

am now gaining perspective after rambling and have realised i'm too busy worrying too far ahead - tomorrow - busy day, work all day and visiting an elderly relative in the evening. scott is definately right about staying busy, plan every hour if need be. as long as it doesn't involve gambling do it.

thanks to eveyone for their support on this my 3rd bandit free day. be assured you all have my support.

goodnight claire xxx

Hi ((Claire))

heard you stopped in at safe harbor yesterday 🙂 good for you...reaching out..finding tools that may aid you in this.

THREE DAYS!!! 3 3 3 3

they string together

you said: as i only had the fiver i knew i couldn't go in.

When I stopped gambling in 2002 I handed over all of my money to my husband.

When I was gambling...I wouldn't go to the casino with less than 6 or 700..it wasn't enough...but when my 'circumstances' changed..so did my point of view...I'd gamble with only $40...eventually, I had to decide 'HOW MUCH IS TOO LITTLE TO GAMBLE WITH?' in other words...just like your fiver wasn't ENOUGH...same thing...my number was 10 (I'm sure that number would be different for anyone)...if I had 10 or less I was safe...any more than that, I was in danger.

I decided to NEVER carry more than 10 on me.

one more thing that i could do to keep myself safe.

CONGRATS!!! You did GREAT today...keep it up!!

peg

xoxoxo

Hi all

firstly thanks for your kind words peg, have left you a little message on your diary.

i have had a really good day today. worked all day and then visited a relative this evening (its good to be busy)

while i was working they booked me for more work - things have been slow lately. this is great, i feel good because i know i'm going to have busy days next week to and more money in aprils payline to start dealing with financial c**P hole i've got myself into!!

i know that not everyday will be like this. was a little worried yesterday about thursday (my first payday without gamblin) but with a good day under my belt and the support of my sister coming with me to collect my money i feel like i'll really be ok tomorrow.

4 days clean and as peg would say 'i didn't gamble today' 🙂

take care all, goodnight, claire x

yesterday...was worrying about Thursday.

Is good to PLAN for the future (and GREAT that you're recognizing possible triggers in advance) but worry is no good...worry cannot benefit me..besides..most of the things that I worry about do not come to pass..or come differently...in any event...even if what I have been worrying about DOES occur..did the worrying help me any?

PLANNING....this is the skill I need to use instead of worrying.

When I find myself 'worrying' I remind myself quickly to 'stay in the day'.

4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4 4

woooooooo hoooooooo!

congrats 🙂

Hi Claire,

Looks your heading in the right direction. Those bandits they seem to be everywhere. I often wonder who the sick people really are. Anyway is great to see that you are getting things in order. Keep it going.

hi all

thanks TTNY for your kind words.

went on an unexpected night out on thursday (which is why i have not posted for a couple of days - went out thurs and was feeling fragile yesterday 🙂 ) anyway did so well, was really proud of myself and my sister was with me. think she got a shock, i've never spent that much time with her on a night out. today i am 7 days bandit free - A FULL WEEK!!! dont feel quite as excited as i thought i might do, feel quite low today and am not very well so think thats taken the shine off it. am proud of myself but dont feel WOO HOO!!! which i thought i would. is it common to feel low? i feel like i could quite easily fall by the wayside and end up in a bandit shop. its not that i want to, my sensible head/voice is saying no and i know i really dont want to but its the low feeling. that is what has always been my undoing. any sign of trouble, upset etc i remove myself and put myself in front of a machine.

am going to go to bed now and hopefully will post something a little more positive tomorrow.

on a positive note i am a week free of bandits and i did not gamble today

goodnight xx

(((((((((((Claire))))))))))

wooooooo hooooooooo

one week!!!

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1

way to go!!!!!!!

ok...the cheerleading out of the way 🙂

it was an emotional roller coaster for me, for a while...many people say that this is so...that is one of the reasons, I think, why relapse is so common...it is important that, during these times..the emotional lows, that we reach out to our 'support'...a g.a. meeting..this forum...chat room...whatever...get to a place where people will 'get' you and can help you through this...generally, for me...those lows did not last for long..

((((claire))))))) it will pass...you're doing GREAT!

1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 🙂

Claire,

Well done on your week!

I think feeling low is totally normal...you build up to stopping gambling, feel good about yourself and positive for a bit, and then suddenly it's like 'what now'?

After three weeks off gambling last week I had this huge urge to gamble, already the memories of how cr** it is afterwards were beginning to fade....and I felt low....I posted here and luckily for me two people were online and gave great support.

I wish for all of us that once we stopped we kept feeling good....but I keep remembering that however down / bored / angry / stressed I am, I will feel a whole lot worse after gambling. And I also try to work out why I feel the way I do rather than blocking it out by placing bets.....

Just some random thoughts! Hope you are OK...

Susie xx

hi all,

thanks to susie and peg for your kind words, they meant so much to me, especially as i was feeling so c**P yesterday.

today feeling a bit better. this is because i realised although i am finding beating my addiction hard work theres another situation in my life that i'm letting bother me and not dealing with. the actual problem itself is not mine, it is a friend and their situation i'm worried about. i have therefore decided i will talk to this person but dont expect much joy. at least i will have done my bit - it may or may not help - but if i know i've tried to help i can then continue to deal with my own stuff. i do have a tendancy to be a worrier, not only about my own stuff but everyone elses! need to stop that now, am not a strong enough person to carry everyone and their s**t. feel a bit selfish really but i cant be that person right now. i dont like the person i have become through gambling - i dont think i was as kind and caring when gambling, my priorities were very very different! i like the person i am becoming and part of this person is that i know i need to care about ME as well as everyone else. feel like it'll take a little gettin used to. taking care of me always involved removing myself, finding the most money i could and finding a bandit - that was my escape. i'm finding new escapes slowly. i feel this problem with my friend has slowed my progress a little as its getting me down. plan of action (for my personal reference)

1 talk to him - tell him what i think 2 accept however he takes it, although i think i know how he will 3 dont worry about it - you tried and cannot change the situation, only he can. feel quite clear now.

i'm really finding putting my thoughts down a great help and i feel i have a port of call in the lower, harder times and people to share the triumphs with no matter how small.

thanks to all who reply and give support to me.

it has been 8 days since i gambled and i will not gamble today 🙂

claire xxx