Here goes - Sept 2012

Hi Vesalius

Welcome to this supportive site starting a diary is a great choice and will help u so much in ur recovery just gel all those thoughts down what is ever on ur mind

Admitting the problem is half the battle like u I was in denial for 26 years before finally admitting my addiction it's a really brave decision so give urself a bit of credit which can be sometimes hard to do at 1st , we are not bad people but gambling turns us into something we really aren't , always remember ur not alone in this we all know what ur goin through and all want to help

Read as many diaries as u can there's loads of info to take that will help u in ur own recovery , try to support others even if it's just a few words of encouragement believe me it means so much to that individual but mostly it will help u and make u feel good bout urself giving u the strength to keep fighting this illness

As u read other diaries u will see taking it one day at a time is key don't put too much pressure or expectations on urself , enjoy the days u don't gamble and be proud of this achievement , pride is something gambling takes from us and it just doesn't know when to stop it will take everything

Make that decision each day and choose not to gamble the right one will lead to a life of whatever u want it to be the other will take u back to that life of misery u know all so well

I really wish u all the best , stay close to this site and stay strong

Castle2

Hi Vesalius. Castles said it all really. You get out what you put in, so try and post as often as possible. I try and post everyday even if it's just a quick, one line update - just helps to keep your focus, especially early on. Youve already started self exclusion and that's a great move and will help you alot. I tried giving up so many times without excluding and always failed but with self exclusion it'll take the edge off knowing you can't gamble.

Youve made a great decision coming on here it really is a great site. Stick with it, it won't be easy but it will certainly be worth it. I wish you all the best. Stay strong and keep posting.

First of all I apologise for not updating my diary more regularly. I've even stopped attending GA which is not ideal.

However, on an upbeat note I have just passed (in Sept) my 3rd year anniversary of no gambling. Trust me, if any non believers are reading this - if I can stop anyone can stop. Gambling controlled my life, took over my life, nearly ruined my life. I lost so much money its incredible. Yes, I still wish (at times) that I could have a bet on a Saturday whilst the football is on or, when my work have a casino night but it would never be pleasurable to me. The demons would return and rather than take losses on the chin I would chase. Rather than enjoy any winnings, I would recoup them in to further bets until I lost eventually.

I've had a lot of support from GA since I quit and if anyone is at the stage of quitting I recommend some sort of support network whether it be GA or equivelant. Trust me it helps.

The reason for my return? I have sat watching a casino programme on tv for the last hour working out how much I could have won, that was my number, I would have doubled up there etc etc. Bit of fun and I lost not a penny and never added any stress to my life. It did prompt me to come back here and update my diary though.

I will try to return more if only to provide help and support to those less fortunate and starting their journey.

Thanks for reading folks.

Welcome back.

I'll hold my hands I saw the title of you diary sept 2012 and only 5 posts and thought you back here licking you wounds after not following through but how wrong was I 3 years is a great effort just don't become complacent I don't need to tell you that it can come back any time in sure you have seen that in the GA rooms. Looking forward to seeing a bit more of you.

Oldhamktf wrote:

Welcome back.

I'll hold my hands I saw the title of you diary sept 2012 and only 5 posts and thought you back here licking you wounds after not following through but how wrong was I 3 years is a great effort just don't become complacent I don't need to tell you that it can come back any time in sure you have seen that in the GA rooms. Looking forward to seeing a bit more of you.

Quite understandable Oldham. I originally found Gamcare in the initial stages of my recovery but from this I threw myself into the GA programme and my sheer bloody mindedness to ensure that I never gambled again. As I said in my previous post I would still love a bet - I miss a footy bet on a Saturday and a placepot at Cheltenham. Even the odd lottery ticket. But alas, I know only too well the consequences of what destruction lies in store so I don't have the desire to ruin my life again.

The lack of posts on my diary is down to me not wishing to pour myself in front of the world but weirdly knowing that it helps! A strange phenomenen.

Anyway, I'll try and check in more often. I am in good place currently - still have lots of debt (not all from gambling) but at least I know gambling won't cause it to become any worse. To anyone reading - thanks

2016 - another new year to head for September and I will be on to 4 years of no gambling

Still love having chats with my mates about their bets and, if I am being totally honest, would love to have a saturday football coupon but I know that I can't.....and won't - just not worth it. One bet and the misery returns, no thanks.

Good luck to all those just starting their diaries. If you are here you or someone you love has a problem. it is a great place start on the road to a better life with no gambling in it.

Vesalius73 wrote:

2016 - another new year to head for September and I will be on to 4 years of no gambling

Still love having chats with my mates about their bets and, if I am being totally honest, would love to have a saturday football coupon but I know that I can't.....and won't - just not worth it. One bet and the misery returns, no thanks.

Good luck to all those just starting their diaries. If you are here you or someone you love has a problem. it is a great place start on the road to a better life with no gambling in it.

Well done on keeping up with your not gambling. Its hard cutting our selves off from gambling mates. If only they'd talk about other stuff around you instead, it would probably be fine, but just be careful. Seeds planted in minds can grow.

Keep it up. Tri

triangle wrote:

[quote=Vesalius73]

2016 - another new year to head for September and I will be on to 4 years of no gambling

Still love having chats with my mates about their bets and, if I am being totally honest, would love to have a saturday football coupon but I know that I can't.....and won't - just not worth it. One bet and the misery returns, no thanks.

Good luck to all those just starting their diaries. If you are here you or someone you love has a problem. it is a great place start on the road to a better life with no gambling in it.

Well done on keeping up with your not gambling. Its hard cutting our selves off from gambling mates. If only they'd talk about other stuff around you instead, it would probably be fine, but just be careful. Seeds planted in minds can grow.

Keep it up. Tri

Thanks kindly Tri. Complacency is something that is always at the forefront of my mind as is the 25 years of gambling and the scary amount of money I lost, the stress, the anger and the hurt.

I actually (perversely) enjoy having a chat to my mates about their football bets and I do even advise them sometimes on teams they have chosen (football) only because I have a strong interest in all things football both in UK and in Europe. Years ago this advice would have stretched to horse racing, darts, snooker, tennis etc etc but that has all gone now and only watch these sports as a passing interest rather than a fascination of jockey's eight, avg check outs etc. So, if I can help them with some information then so be it.....I can genuinely say that it does not lead me to salivate over a weekend football coupon, I am not interested in my own bets.

My mates know the score with me and the pain it caused so, there has been an upshot to this - they are aware and do not gamble to excess. They are aware of not chasing losses. They are aware of not spending a whole months wage in a 2 hour spell.

Don't worry I will continue to keep fighting this horrible illness but I know that my higher power keeps me going daily and supplies me with the endless motivation to not involve myself in the misery again.

Keep up the good work

thanks for your share on my diary. In answer to your question, 660 days. thanks for the support. Its appreciated. tri

Well, GamCare has a new website and as I’ve had to update my new password I thought it only right to find my old posts and update them at the same time. 

It’s now 2019. I stopped gambling in September 2012 so I’m coming up to 7 years. No, I’ve not caved or broken, I’m still NOT gambling. I actually can’t believe I’ve come this far but....

For anyone reading this who is really struggling and who wants to stop, trust me it can be done. I reached a low, an all time low in my gambling habit but, to coin a phrase, I saw the light. I was immersed in gambling and virtually my waking hours revolved around it. I had a trigger one day when I lost more money than I should have but, looking back, it was the best money I ever spent because I never went back. 

You may not have reached an all time low yet but you are hurtling towards it. If you have stepped over the line into compulsive gambler there is only one way you are going. I don’t like writing that as it’s very negative but it’s the truth. You need to see the damage it’s causing and what could be ahead. The stress and strain it’s causing you! The people you are affecting! Your bank and credit card accounts! They are all suffering. 

To this day the feeling of having a bet has not gone away, I’d still love to bet. I love Cheltenham, football bets, casino. Love them all. However and a big but, if I was to step back into that world again I just know the feelings would immediately return - the excitement yes but all tinged with stress and strain and no money. It would be the top of another downward spiral and I don’t want to experience it again. So, I harness that feeling and use it to my advantage. This feeling prevents me from gambling again. I’m winning. Not them. 

Good luck to anyone trying to stop this curse.