Here i am again. FINAL

I hear you fella 🙂 You are making the same point as me - Our destiny is in our hands !

Have a strong and positive day.......we walk together.

Sbb

Strong and positive , yep, I’ve had enough crxp without adding to it by gambling, not only doing my money in, but changing my personality, fxxk that I’ve had enough , I’m standing strong with head up, I might have fxxk all money but I have a future and my self respect , i ain’t going down again, Guard Up . Rainman

Just drew borrowed cash out of a cash machine walked past 2 bookies, can’t say that it didn’t cross my mind, . I won’t give em the pleasure of my company even if they paid me, fxxk em. Guard Up. Rainman

Getting out in a minute and having a walk down the sea front, last year, I’d normally be either getting ready for a day out at the football match ( i miss that and when i get my finances sorted, I’ll be back, gambling took my money for that pleasure ) , or studying the racing post, ( i don’t miss that), not so long ago I’d be in the betting shops first thing and spinning the wheel, what a fool,, but not no more, I’ve got enough money for a good old drink this afternoon when the football is on and my partner comes round, I’ve got good lot of food in the kitchen that i can cook, music on, why the hell do i ever want to gamble, my choice and i know what choice i have made today, Guard Up. Rainman

Just noticed that on that verification tick the store fronts, one of them was a William H shop front, !!!!!!! Hit that hardest. Guard Up Rainman

i have been gambling for decades, i was one of the ‘faces’ at the tracks and in the shops, i gambled hard and was patient with my bets, i had a name and could make a phone call to bookmakers on the rails, just call it, i had the lot, . i spent much time studying , until I got ill, my middle money went and i had to start again, ,, i started gambling again where i left off but with out back up, a couple of called bets gone astray and i was owing, i was on the back foot now , and making mistakes, losses mounted and debt soared, i introduced myself to the fobt, worse thing ever. Now I’m on my own and skint, .. I actually joined this site a few times and back in 2014 it helped me a great deal, i relapsed afew times but always got back on the wagon, i left the site and asked for my diary and account to be removed, what a big mistake, i thought that i was over it and i wanted to cut myself off from that time of my life , forget, destroy it. Well that was a lot of shxx . Relapsing back into gambling became the norm , acceptable, ffs, what was that all about, kidding myself, . Stick with this site and keep posting on your diary, good or bad, stick with it no matter what. I am a C G , that ain’t going away but i can stop myself doing it and so can you,. Guard Up. Rainman

Rainman.
Fella that post takes courage, you went from being a face, to a faceless feeder of a machine that you can win a paltry £500 on.
The £500 dream breaker as I like to call it.
It was my nemesis, it took at a Conservative guess a quarter of a million pounds off me and I willingly fed it every note.
A hundred pounds a spin in my last episodes, just actually willing myself to get it over with quicker.
I lived by a mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
The badge every compulsive gambler wears.
I was a popular face in the bookies, why??
Because I had a whole shop watching until I made the walk of shame.
I was a laughing stock.
Funny I see many of those folk around my home town today, they don't often look up.
I walk tall, proud to have an opportunity.
The same one that offers itself to you fella.
It's what you make it.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Duncs, i can identify with everything you say, i ain’t going down again Duncs, heads up, walk tall, making it happen, self respect and a smile from a warm inner glow, that’s the way it is and will stay, I’ll never forget and i will admit to what i have been in the past, I’m coming out of that wreck of a person yet again and I’m shaking off the debris, Guard Up. Rainman

A good weekend, no gambling, and feeling pretty good, Guard Up Rainman

I’m reading a lot of instances of people who have emotional distress in their lives and turn to the roulette machine to escape, done it myself loads of times, what did we do when there was no roulette machine?? I don’t remember turning to the dogs or the horses or any other gamble just cos of an upsetting thing occurred in my life, I’ve gone to the pub, gone for a walk, but i can’t remember gambling to lose myself ( lose being the operative word) in time of anxiety and stress, .. But I’ve done it since roulette..... why is that...one thing is for sure, roulette isn’t in my life now and never will be again, it wasn’t for the first 40 years of my life, so why should it be now? It’s not there anymore,, DONE. Guard Up. Rainman

Rainman,

Glad to see you are taking control of your life and seems this is the best place for the pair of us. will drop in from time to time to see how your getting on. Remember everytime you dont gamble you win.

Best

Al

Bin up for several hours working out finances for a debt relief order, just got back from handing the forms in to the good people at the CAB , I’ve been doing without a tv for the last 4 months, but with winter coming and time on my hands i think i should get one, have to wait a couple more weeks though. Aims and goals,,, that’s what it’s all about, it doesn’t matter how big or small , they’re all big when you target something and achieve it, I’m building . First time since i was seventeen that I’ve been without a car, i wanna do a boot sale on Sunday, so I’ve borrowed one, I’ll chuck the owner a few quid after the event. . I don’t like asking for things like that, it’s not my nature, I would have been the giver and would have welcomed someone if they’d asked if they could borrow my motor for the day to make a few quid.... well now it’s my turn, i realise the position that I’m in and will ask and receive gratefully, . I think people are more likely to help if you are honest and it can be seen that you are doing something for your self. Looking at the present and the future. Guard Up . Rainman

Had a good week, mindset is strong, Guard Up, Rainman

Got money this week and although a lot of it has gone,,, it’s all gone in the right direction, yes I have had the thought of ‘shall i get it back by gambling’,, but that was what i used to do, I’ve done well, i know it, . I ain’t going down again. Guard Up, Rainman

I’m hoping all is ok on the forum, i had so much trouble, couldn’t log in and i can’t believe how it affected me, i felt alone, i could see myself, standing in the street, lost, what the heck is wrong with me, i know that things ain’t been and aren’t going well for me in my life, but i felt more fragile than ever, . I could not login as Rainman but found that i could open a new account in the name of bobbyj ... I’ve been having a rough time lately, personally, finances, and still doesn’t look like i will get to work ( been long term sick since February) it’s looking bleak, but i am not going to give up, i have a small word that is huge,,,,, HOPE,, i have today and tomorrow and the rest of my life and right now I’ll sort out today and that will help tomorrow, that’s the way. Always keep on trying, never give up, and when it gets even harder, then i will try harder to... if i fall, i will get up, if i stop, i will take stock and move on, if i close my eyes, will wake with eyes wide open, if i go backward a way, i will move forwards undeterred and stronger, i will not stop. ..... Moving into the future with the right attitude is what is needed and it will be steady and strong, even if i don’t feel it sometimes, doing it makes me stronger. Stuff the gambling, it’s not going to destroy me.