Hope

Hi SA. You got me hungry with all that talk of cheese and crackers! How can anyone be dissapointed in you? You are 154 days gamble free. Big pat on the back. We all have down days, I've had a few recently. Perhaps we put ourselves under too much pressure, to cope, to perform or to please others. Have you thought of joining some evening/day classes, if you chose carefully you may find companionship/friendship and maybe someone to make you smile. Chin up. Ostrich

ps thank you for your comments, the idea of me being a rebel tickles! But you know what, I'm gonna do all those things.

http://www.golearnto.com/

Hiya SA

Look..see..can't keep away from here lol. Just want to say thanks for your posting on my diary.

Also just read your last entry and know where your coming from in the respect of feeling behind in life. This is something I relate to although not down to gambling but down to not having a great start in life and the issues I have had in the past. I've always struggled whereas people around me it all seems natural and easy and falls into place. Maybe thats my perception...I dunno. But my recovery has taught me, not to try so hard.

I've added a link above that I think might interest you...ideal for the single traveller. The world is your oyster!

Del xx

hi everybody out there. this is my third day gamble free after a wee while of being in the madness yet again!! hope i can keep up the good work and take one day at a time.

Day 155 gambling free.

Thanks for your thoughts Ostrich and delgirl.. i will certainly take a look at the web link.. am determined to have some sort of holiday before the day i die lol

Today has been a good and positive day.. was full of foreboding about what work may bring today..but as it turns out all was fine. I was productive and busy and felt like i made a difference. Helping others helps my recovery.

I had a good swim after work and then bumped into an old friend who came around for coffee and a catch up which was nice.

No urges or thoughts of gambling. Taking life a day at a time as always. It seems as if my diary is taking on a life of its own.. I find the longer it gets the more I want to write in it. I think I like the fact that other people potentially read my thoughts as well. So much in the past my thoughts were left to swim around my own headspace with know where to go. Writing my thoughts down helps me not to go back gambling.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA, really well done on getting to 155 days gamble free, and you are sounding positive and as you say with being single you are doing it for yourself.

Also you say that if you go and gamble no one need know its only your money and bank account, but just think bout it, if you do go and gamble you would become more and more miserable as you would just keep losing money, and never really enjoy yourself as you should. I am very familiar with the hours spent in the arcade, and actually missing seeing friends, since I have stopped (apart from my slip up last week) I have met friends for walks, lunch, coffee etc., and those hours would normally have been taken up in the arcades.

Those arcades will just ruin your life, dont do it, treat yourself to something really good with the money that you will in time save. How about looking at singles holidays, I have friends that often do that and meet all sorts of people and form lasting friendships, have a look around, go for it, a holiday is maybe just what you need.

Keep strong, Best wishes Bandit

Hi S.A.

I can very much relate to your feelings mate. Not so long ago I had the very same doubts, concerns. We can think too much, worry about things we can't control.

Instead seek out the positives, your not spending endless hours in the arcade, social life much better so therefore a chance to find someone special has improved tenfold. For years I went without holidays, then decided while gambling at least I would aim for something (Free holidays) and made efforts to travel more.

Being single, it would be so easy to turn a blind eye to the odd slipup so more credit to you for staying on the right path. 155 days clear and counting, getting fitter, seeing more of friends & family. They will soon notice the changes in you, the greater enjoyment you will find in life. More relaxed atitude, happier within yourself.

Your spare time is being put to much better use, Rome wasn't built in a day so stay with it..you KNOW it's for the best.

Day 156 gambling free

Thanks for that Williebhoy..positive thinking. I have come a long way..much has improved and continues to improve in my life. I know its for the best to continue gambling free.. one day at a time.

Today has been another good day.. productive at work.... no thoughts or urges to gamble but I do feel tired..so will keep it short today.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Day 157 gambling free

Woke early this morning..just feeling unsettled... no thoughts or urges to gamble.. but just got a few issues on my mind swimming around. I don't especially want to put them here on this public forum not this time anyway. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my thoughts.

I want to roll back the clock to last week when I was feeling all chilled out.

Am just sitting here staring blankly at the screen now.. thought I was gonna write more..but i guess not.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A

Hi SA, hope you are feeling more settled and relaxed today than yesterday, have just been reading your diary from the start, it has certainly been a roller coaster of emotions for you.

I can relate to the work thing, I had been in the same post for 21years and although the people I worked with were good, and cant really say too much on here about the job, I was just getting sooooo bored with the sameness of each day. I left that post nearly 2 years ago now and have really enjoyed my new work, different people, completely different work but it has been like a breath of fresh air. Mind you having said that I still carried on gambling, just had to alter when I could go and different lies!!! You made me laugh about the marathon story, sometimes lies do come back and bite you on the b*m!!!

Anyway well done with your recovery, you are doing so well, it does sound like its work that plays with your head, sometimes it is just making that decision to move on thats hard. Best Wishes Bandit and thanks for all your support.

Day 158 gambling free.

Hi bandit.. thank you for your considered thoughts.. they are certainly helping me to think and reflect on stuff especially the work situation... and yes i have certainly been through the mill emotionally over the summer. But I have coped without taking the edge off with gambling.

In some respects the strain i have been under has forced me to work my recovery properly and not simply to take it for granted..and thats no bad thing.. as a result i feel stronger in myself. It doesnt matter what turmoil may go on for me.. gambling is not an option.. gambling does not resolve anything.. gambling just gets me feeling worse about myself and empties my bank account.

Today has been a demanding day in many ways but I feel good in myself.. no thoughts or urges to gamble.

Regards to all who read this. S.A 🙂

Day 160 gambling free.

Met up with a couple of friends last night..which was nice... the chat and everything. Inevitably ended up in some club..got bored.. drank some.. not too much.. went home. One of these days perhaps I will be able to free myself of night clubs.. pointless places unless your 21 and can dance. Also spent more money than I wanted to. Anyway no thoughts or urges to gamble.. S.A 🙂

Day 160 - bet it feels nice to have that amount of time under your belt now.

I agree with you about night clubs. I have to be pretty drunk to enjoy myself in a club and then I don't remember what I did anyway!

Hi SA, this weeks veg is.......(drum roll please) Celeriac AND romenasco cauliflower. Also, good news, AH has decided to join me in the kitchen, he plans to make pears in syrup!! Will let you know later what they taste like. The romenasco cauliflower looks almost to good to eat. Hope you are having a good day. Ostrich

Hi SA

Just like to say I follow as many of your posts with great interest. You have great words of wisdom. Thank you.

Steve E

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

Words of wisdom.. I can play with words and talk recovery.. but its actions that count.. words are meaningless and less followed up with actions.

Ive not had a good day today.. all self-inflicted.. last night I had 2 pints of lager.. a double vodka and red bull, a double vodka and red bull and a double vodka and redbull and a bottle of sickly sweet vodka based blue liquid in a bottle. Today i dont have a raging headache but i am depressed.. i wonder why???

Ive spent the day either lying in bed or sitting watching random telly and eating cheese with sultanas and occasional random marmite sandwiches washed down with copious amounts of sugary coffee. I had intentions to ring family and frends but didn't..just about managed a couple of texts to say that I would not feel like going out tonight because i feel a bit low.. again I wonder why???

Did i go the gym?.. nope.. Did I go for a walk? ..nope. Did i step outside my front door?.. nope. Have i spoken to anyone?.. nope. Have I done anything positive for my recovery today?... well i have been on here writing.. so thats something positive

But anyway then am sitting here this evening and an advert comes on for ** **** *** and a thought pops into my head which says.. "hey why not pop online and choose some numbers".. It could be me!!!.. and do you know what i was sitting there .. and for the life of me I could not remember why I couldnt buy a lottery ticket... its just a pound my gambling head was saying.. no damage done if its not lucky.. its just a quid.

I did NOT go online and buy a lottery ticket. I did NOT gamble.. but gambling came a little closer than it should have done. I can now remember why I cant buy a lottery ticket. I am a compulsive gambler and I cannot gamble like normal people

But the point I make to myself is why do I put myself in a position where gambling is once more an option on the table. If I had not of drunk to excess last night... the chain of events today would not have occured and gambling would not have become a possibility.

I have a day like today on average once a month I spose. Me and drinking just doesnt mix..Me and pubs and clubs and drinking just doesnt work..Myself and excessive drinking is like a stepping stone to gambling. I dont consider myself to be an alcoholic but it is a bit of a problem for me. a glass of wine with a meal is fine but pubs and clubs is where my drinking escalates... and then the gambling becomes a possibility.

Anyway there endeth my thoughts at this moment in time. I know from past experince that tomorrow my thoughts and feelings will be much more positive.. and gambling will once more have receding over the horizon.. like the setting sun.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A ... no smiley face today.