Hope

Thanks all and yes RR things are generally better than this time last year.

I went for another long run this morning, which was probably a mistake, given that i have a heel injury. Its painful to walk first thing in the morning and gets better as the day goes on. Self diagnosis is plantar fasciitis i.e inflammation of the fibrous tissue in the heel area. Causes... very common in runners when upping the mileage too quickly.. thats me. I don't think it helps that am a fairly heavy runner. Its often the way with me, its not the heart and lungs but everything else that is prone to injury. I use to get shin splints but that's several years ago now and I think my shins are now as tough as nails.

Of course the cure for my condition is to stop or ease off the running with plenty of rest which is a very hard thing to do in practice... 23 miles over 3 days is just too much, but I can't help it cos I enjoy it, that is until the pain creeps in. I shall be idle for the rest of the day and do thigs around the flat. It better clear up soon or else!! 😉

Thanks for listening

Well I had to run this morning before the sun rose too much and it got to warm and well sunny. I hobbled out the door and did the first mile in a painful 12 minutes the second mile in 10 minutes and the third mile in 9 minutes. Got home pain gone.

This is a very strange injury and its really annoying me.

If the source of life is listening can you please get rid of my annoying injury so I can run pain free. 

Many thanks in advance 😉

P.s I have a VO2 max of 48, which apparently is very good for a man in his fifties. Don't ask me what VO2 max actually is lol

Hi world,

Just checking in. My home computer has died and whilst I can post from my phone it takes me forever and would only be very short... so am here in the library. Will get new puter in due course.

No gambling to report. Running going well, lots of miles and managing aches and pains as best I can.

Work is doing my fruit in. Constant calls and texts over the jubilee weekend to work this and work that. People ringing in sick at short notice... sooo selfish. As for me am struggling to find that balance between self-interest and being flexible and available. It never seems to quite work out. hey ho.

Old friend got in contact with good news. He's gone from insecure accomodation, no job and 40k debt (yes all gambling) to being married, having a job and also setting up his own buisiness. I was really pleased for him and no jealousy, cos he's a real nice guy and he deserves better times.

My other mates life is on the up as well. He wont be evicted, his debts are being dealt with and he's training to run the half marathon with me in July and in due course am sure he will start paying me back what he owes me. No hurry mind, for once in my life am not desparate for money.

As for me, am feeling real cheery and relaxed today. Enjoyed my run this morning. Off for a swim after this library session. Today is a good day.

Not sure when I will be back on here, but I will read a few diaries now before my hour is up.

Thanks for listening

Hi

Your home computer has died when is the funeral service.

You are being well tested. 

Are you managing aches and pains or are you healing them.

People ringing in sick at short notice, you are being well tested. 

That sounds healthy balance between self-interest and being flexible and available reducing our unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

I use to have unreasonable expectations of people life and situations, sadly I hurt myself and caused my self lots of pains..

It is healthy that you feel good about an old friend success, that is very healthy.

In us seeing other peoplesuccesswe see our self and our future.

I am pleased to hear that you are feeling real cheery and relaxed today.

A run and a swim nice healthy habits good for you.

Today is a good day is I give up my unhealthy habits..

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi SA,

Ive not heard from you in weeks. How are things going with work and life in general?

I hope all is ok. I hope you post soon and let us know that all is well.

RR

Hi All,

Sorry for no posts. Me not having a computer has meant that have lost the habit of coming here. Whilst I can post from my phone the screen is small and it just takes me ages and usually I want to write a fair bit and frankly I haven't got the patience. Am in the library typing this and looking to get another computer this month so i can get back to more regular posting which seems to help me.

I have slipped since my last post at the start of June but quickly got on to the national self-exclusion line and got myself excluded from even more bookies. That was a few weeks ago and am now back on the straight and narrow. A blip nothing more.

Regards to all who read this. Thinking about the regulars.

S.A x

Stay strong mate. I think me and you will spend the rest of our life’s relapsing. Nice to see you posting 

Hey man,

Just checking in to see how you're getting on.

Hope you're navigating your days safely & stress free. Stay hydrated!!

Xx

In the library.

Well its been a good few weeks since I updated. It hasn't been great to be honest, but not a disaster either. I have gambled a bit. I go two or three weeks and then have an episode. Boro maybe right. maybe its unrealistic for me to stay stopped permanently. Sometimes I just succumb to the urge to the need to gamble. There is always something of a build up and then I just have to do it, although I know that it is bad for me. I haven't gone off the rails but did get stung by one of these unregulated foreign casino's, who simply decided not to pay me out after a win and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. This is the downside of signing up to Gamstop, it means that if you do succumb to the urge you end up gambling on unregulated or foreign regulated and potentially criminal sites. Don't do it folks!! Having said that I haven't gambled for a while and I will try to overcome the urge when it next comes alone, which its sure to do.

Aside from my on-going addictive behaviour I was doing lots of running until I got injured, firstly an achillies problem which is slowly healing and secondly sciatic pain which hasnt. Am waiting for an appointment with a sports injury clinic. I think I was jogging in the wrong sort of trainers. The man in the shop said that i am a neutral runner after doing one of those filming things but with the benefit of hindsight I don't think I am. I need a more supportive trainer for over-pronaters (like what I use to jog in). Also the fact that am a fairly heavy runner. So thats what i will do when am healed up... fingers crossed.

Work continues,,, it pays the bills. 

Thanks for listening. Time nearly up on this puter. Am generally ok in myself.

Take care all... thoughts are with those that know me.... you know who you are xxx

Good to read an update. I understand the limited internet access you have, I just miss reading your posts, on a selfish level.

Always good to know someone is safe, as well.

Cheers,

f x

You been quiet for a while you ok? 

Hi all,

Yes it's been a good few months since I last posted. I kind of said to myself that I won't post again until I had something significant to say and to be honest I still haven't. Like the security man that sits in a security hut on the night shift... nothing really happens 99% of the time.

Have I gambled? Well yes from time to time. Why?.... Well it's as if my need for instant gratification sometimes outweighs my need not to. I continue to live the life of a compulsive gambler and part of me has just kind of come to terms with that with a slight shrug of the shoulders. I no longer think it is realistic for me to never gamble again. It is what it is..... I know "one day at a time".

Am I completely out of control? No, but I accept that I have the usual delusions, self-deception and denial of any compulsive gambler.

How's work?.... Well I continue to work in a low pay, high stress job, where people just walk out, cos they can. I cope but I think about what else I could do. Am aware that I have perhaps 16 more years of work, if I end up retiring at 67.

Hows the running?.... Well iv'e just started back after months of heel pain. Am looking forward to increasing my fitness again and losing some weight and doing some half marathons once more. This may help decrease my gambling episodes.

Any thing else to say? Well I am happy to be alive, despite those days where all i can seemingly do, is lie in the foetal position and wonder what the purpose of my life really is. I am kind to people and they seem to appreciate that but I still struggle to be kind to myself. It is an enigma.... 

Have a good day everyone!

@s-687 hi SA, it's good to read an update.

Hi All,

Well am back on the no gambling at all mantra. My occasional forays into the world of controlled gambling do of course always end in financial loss and personal misery..... so yes am back on song. It continues to be hard though. The dopamine craving. The need for instant gratification. The anticipation of gambling can and has always been intoxicating for me and is hard to let go of, even after all these years of trying. I have many blocks but I can get round them if I really want to, but as they "just for today" I chose not to do that.

Ive been for a run today and yesterday. About 12.5 miles in total. Am worn out but very pleased that am back at it. Heel injury is still present but am able to run with minimal pain. It tends to be afterwards that the pain comes. I have a half marathon coming up. First event since September. I no longer chase times. Just to complete it will be an achievement. Running in your 50's and beyond is a whole different ball game to running in your twenties.

Work is meh... doing a minimum wage job in social care is just stress and mental tiredness and dehydration from going into overly warm flats.  The late shift is the worst, lots of demands from different directions, lots of vulnerable needy people and colleagues who may or may not be able to show support. Sometimes the job is enjoyable but mostly it drains me.... my garmin watch sometimes thinks iv'e done a work out and gives me some points.

So there we go folks. That's an update.

Thanks for listening

Hi World,

Well it's been more than 3 months since I last posted. 

Am still a work in progress on the not gambling front, cos I still do it from time to time, zone out to the slots particularly after an emotionally draining day at work. I have lots of barriers but I always find my way around them if I really want to... which occasionally I do. At present I feel ok and can get bat away the thoughts.

Am still jogging but the ankle pain I developed last year has not completely gone. I've watched all sorts of video's online that suggest all sorts of diagnosis and therapies and exercises but nothing seems to work completely. Stretching out the calf muscles seems to help the most. Am gonna try a half marathon next week. Just to finish will be an achievement.

Am swimming a lot nowadays anything from 20 to 50 lengths per session and lots of sauna and jaccuzzi.

One small achievement is that I've finally managed to give up added sugar. I simply don't buy those 1kg bags of sugar anymore. So I have no sugar in my flat, so no sugar in hot drinks and no sugar sprinkled on anything. Am just beginning to notice the difference. I've lost 2 or 3 pounds I have, hopefully more to come.

Work is ok. I become less concerned with how others behave. I become less concerned with what my colleagues do or don't do. I become less concerned with what they may think of me or not think of me. I simply go to work and do my best for the people that we care for and then go home. The hardest part is actually the heat. Its so warm in the flats and corridors. I absolutely drip in sweat constantly. I think am going through the "manopause" 😉 We were issued with official Tunics (I looked like a dentist) but I couldn't work in them in the heat, so am allowed to work in a plain sports top... thank goodness!

I am grateful to be alive.

I am grateful to have my physical health.

I am grateful to have a secure roof over my head.

I am grateful that I can walk past those 1kg bags of sugar and not put one in my basket. 🙂

Thanks for listening.

love to all xxx