Hello everyone, thought i'd make a start on my diary seeing as though i'm really determined to stop gambling again! It's not the stopping I find too difficult - it's the staying stopped that is the hard part for me.
I started gambling when I was around 16, i managed to create an online account illegally and the buzz i got from betting was like nothing i'd felt before. At this stage it was only for small amounts so wasn't a problem.
I moved away from home to go to college at 17 and this is when the problems began. Most of my house mates were all into drugs and had large drug-related parties which lasted for up to 5 days. Because i didn't want to take part in this i used to sit alone in my bedroom which obviously made me feel lonely. I started to bet online again on horses, football, casino, anything i could find really. Losing money on this made me feel worse and more isolated so i continued to try and chase my losses. I guess the problems just continued from here.
I'm now 22 and have been living with parents again for 2 years and can't seem to kick the habit. I have a good job as an engineer in the merchant navy but despite a good wage every month i feel the need to make more money even though i know i don't need it and ultimately i know i'll lose.
I managed to quit gambling for 6 months in which time i saved up a good chunk of money which i can put towards a house deposit. But in the last few months i have found myself dipping into this money chasing my losses on bad bets and have probably lost around £4000 in the few months. I still have some money left in my savings but feel so cheated and want my money back. The urge to put all of my remaining savings on an evens money bet is so tempting sometimes! Even though i know i'll lose all of it eventually i can't seem to stay away from the betting world.
Well today i've told all of my family and girlfriend that i've been betting again for a few months now.. they're really annoyed that i did so well to stop but have now started again, i feel so disappointed with myself but hopefully today can be the fresh start i need. Any advice or questions are welcome and thanks for reading this 🙂
Hi Jack
Welcome to the forum mate. Thank you for sharing your story with us and being so honest.
You are in the right place my friend. Here you will get lots of advice help and support.
Well done on telling your family that was a very brave thing to do. And a very smart one. The temptation to win back the money is very very strong. everyone here can relate to that. But theres two things i must tell you.
1/ LET THE MONEY GO. Its gone Jack. Its painful to see it sail away but you must accept this fact. It took me a long time to truly accept my loses but once i did it was a weight off my shoulders and a relief. I always say I got something back for all that money though. Lessons in life. Some people pay a fortune to go to seminars where life coach teaches them the meaning of life. I paid for lessons in pain, shame, guilt, sadness... the whole range of crappy emotions. Theres not much about them I dont know. And to truly know happyness you need to know pain. Right now Im very happy and I came to terms with the loss and am at peace. What I want back is the TIME. Years wasting away in bookies or hunched over a computer. Hundreds of hours neglecting family and friends. I would love that back. But that is impossible. Let it go and you will feel so much better. I promise.
2/ you can only stop gambling if you truly WANT to stop. A lot of people fall out with gambling much like an old friend. When we get big loses and are skint its so easy to want to quit. But lurking in the back of their mind its just the pain talking, and secretly they still want to gamble, and go back to their old friend. You must Want to stop.
The good news for you is you still have money left and that suggests to me you truly do want to stop. Give it to your mum or another family member to keep for you. Put in the blocks. Fill the time that you spent gambling with something else. Something more productive. Quitting Gambling leaves a hole that we need to fill. You need to fill it with other things. ENERGY CAN NOT BE CREATED OR DESTROYED...... BUT IT CAN CHANGE FORM (As a graduate engineer I thought youd appreciate that 😉 (BTW theres more on that on my diary THE FINAL CHAPTER by Kyle the CG if you want to check it out)
Keep a diary. Record all your feelings and findings. Good and bad. Learn your triggers and your signs. You cant beat this until you understand why you do it. Write it all down. I promise it will help.
All the best
Kyle
The greatest win I will ever have is to learn I can never win gambling
Hi Kyle,
Thanks very much for the reply to my post, have found some of the things you said greatly helpful and appreciated the energy quote haha! I read the post your final chapter post and found it very inspirational! So sorry to hear about your Dad and it sounds like you were in a terrible place at the time.
I know exactly how it feels to just feed the money to the roulette machine. The feeling of winning big is always in your head and you think it must happen at some point. And when you eventually do win big the 'reverse withdrawal' button is only a click away.
Well i've just had 2 days without a single bet now. Can't say i havn't had urges to just put £20 on the football.. have managed to resist though as i tell myself that £20 will soon turn into £200 and then i'd be in the 'get my money back' cycle again!
Well done Jack Im fighting it with you.
Any temptations come on here and read through some diaries.
You will be in double figures before you know it
Kyle
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