"How have I become this person?"

Hi Rhoda,

Thanks for your supportive post.

Hi Rhoda

Many thanks for your kind words. Funny enough just had my councilling session and this was about kids learning stuff and being there to support them when needed. I particularly was interested as I've got an 18 year old and know with how things are in this day and age it's more of a social thing to gamble and a lot more easier to gamble on smartphones etc and even though I've got my own gambling issues and dealing with them I will be looking out for the signs if he is gambling !!

Darren

Read a comment by Volcano on Catptains diary last night, which got me thinking.

"I've also became quite a loner in life, and there seems a bit of common ground on this forum with long term diarists. We're not designed to be alone ....."

Who said? A large proportion of the population live alone, young people who haven't formed a permanent relationship, divorcees, widowed, folks who find living alone a positive and meaningful way of life. Living alone is not the problem. Being made to feel a failure for living alone is. But no one can make me feel anything, I choose how I react. Serenity is my word of the moment: peace, calmness, acceptance. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, so much in life to be thankful for. Today I do not want to gamble.

Morning. There's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. And being a loner is something else again. Living alone in itself isn't the issue....there are lots of people who live very happily on their own. But it's the interaction with other people, the connections we have, the want and desire and action to be sociable, to do things, to participate...that's the difference. I think V means that there's a tendency to cut off from people, to withdraw in long term addicts. That even when we're interacting ours minds are elsewhere. People can live in a house full of people but still be lonely. Changing that changes everything.

Seems like your continuing to do well. Enjoy the calmness of the day. I'd share your enthusiasm for the birdsong if they hadn't woken me up tweeting at 5.30 this morning!!

Well said LB, you articulate very well.

Rhoda, my comment to Captain was a mere observation. I for one like my living alone arrangement and it appears you do also. Apologies for your misinterpretion that im in anyway classing someone a failure for living alone....

Your doing well, good on you

Hi Rhoda
Just wanted to say well done.

You see many people come & go on here & its pretty easy to see the ones who are going to get there eventually.

They are the ones who ask the right questions. Who are willing to be open-minded enough to accept they may not be the best person to listen too when it comes to managing their own addiction. They are the ones who are saying how it is for them & not trying to manage everyones elses recovery.

Youre one of the few people who will get there. Keep searching inwards, thats where the answers are.
3 point plan.
Identify the problem.
Accept the solution.
Commit to doing whatever it takes to carry the solution out.

Hello Rhoda......again

I noticed your presence on this forum a while back. I noticed some interaction between you and the superb LB and thought s***t, A doppelganger ! A stayer !

Fantastic Rhoda - I see you navigating that 3 point plan admirably....

Rhoda wrote:

Read a comment by Volcano on Catptains diary last night, which got me thinking.

"I've also became quite a loner in life, and there seems a bit of common ground on this forum with long term diarists. We're not designed to be alone ....."

Who said? A large proportion of the population live alone, young people who haven't formed a permanent relationship, divorcees, widowed, folks who find living alone a positive and meaningful way of life. Living alone is not the problem. Being made to feel a failure for living alone is. But no one can make me feel anything, I choose how I react. Serenity is my word of the moment: peace, calmness, acceptance. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, so much in life to be thankful for. Today I do not want to gamble.

Like others have said your questions and thinking about recovery makes me smile. thankyou for that gift Rhoda.

tri x

Hey Rhoda : ) : )

I lurves lemon drizzle cake.....I hate cooking/baking lol.

I'm slowly catching up with the diaries, crikey so many newcomers posting 🙁 but I think it's good for me to read their stories, a reminder to myself how bad I felt in the beginning....I'm glad I've come back Rhoda and that's down to you.... your couple of gentle prods gave me the reminder I needed that these forums are good for me....I may not be gambling but the struggle is still present & controlling me....

We are not failures my friend.....

Enjoy every minute of your weekend....Time is precious.

Hugs...Mari xx

Hey Rhoda 🙂

Just a wee drive by to check in with you....How's things my friend, sending you a cyber hug 🙂

Mari xx

Hi Diary, hmmm not certain what I have to say to you...different thoughts been buzzing in my head this past week. Women only chat? Well what a can of worms was opened there. Was on chat the other evening when it was all a bit unpleasant, came off thinking, this is not the place for me; the chat itself encapsulated the reasons why I would at times like a women only chat: for me the atmosphere was argumentative, idealism at the expense of others feelings, enjoying conflict and argument, baiting (my perception, might not be the same for others). So why do I feel this way, why does it make me feel uncomfortable? I grew up in a house of ambition, my father was driven, logical, an engineer, the working class town boy made good, got into the local newspaper. Mum worked her hardest at being wife, mum, teacher....juggling balls, trying to be perfect, always reapplied her lipstick when dad due home from work. A true lady, a gentle soul, reduced to tears by my father and a friend who would ridicule her efforts, at times she dreaded the holidays we went on. For them it was sport, the logical arguing, they weren't investing their souls in what they argued, but they destroyed her. My sons love the sport of a good debate, but you have to know when to stop....and they don't. I'm not interested in point scoring chat, one upmanship, I just want to shout at you all to shut up and listen. Listen to the hurt or pain that is being whispered.

My sincere apologies. I was part of that chat. My way works quite well in real life. I push & pull people & I am good at knowing how far too go. On here it can be misconstrued, as a smile or good body language cannot be implemented. Its why i tend to keep my mouth shut on chat. Again sorry if I added to your discomfort.

Hi Rhoda

Thanks for your nice comment. I wasn't consciously seeking validation, but it was certainly nice to have some from you.

I find yours, SC and JL35 by far the most interesting of the recent - ish posters.

I generally find women posters on here far more open and honest. I totally agree with your point about the differences between male and female posters - and acknowledge I have classic argumentative/rational tendancies.

In a way, my 'recovery' has been all about trying to be more open and being able to sit in between different states.

I'll make a woman of me yet 😉

Louis

Oh and always Louis please! I always find it odd when people call me cardhue when I now use my name freely. (Cardhue is just an anagram of Deuchar - the name of a beer I was looking at for inspiration for a moniker, when I first signed up )

Thanks for your support on my diary....I really appreciate it. My head has been so full of my own stuff that I've been lax in replying to people. Sorry about that.

Good to see that you continue to do well. I love that you're asking questions both of yourself and on here.That way true recovery lies (in my humble opinion). Combining that questioning with GA seems like a pretty good recipe for success. I think I've said before that I recognise myself in you at times. Not that I'm a blueprint for success (far from it!!) but I do feel like I have a much better understanding of my compulsive gambling now and I sense that you're getting that too.

I missed the whole women only chat "debate". I remember a couple of occassions on here when posters remarks or opinions have upset me, or things have gotten out of hand on other people's diaries, and other times when things have gotten quite "testosteroney". At the time I was quite upset and uneasy. I remember not wanting to post. Anyway, my point is that in the end those times helped me learn some new things about myself. They bought up feelings that I was forced to address (my difficulty with confrontation being the biggest one) and in the long run it was a learning. But for those days I didn't like the feelings...ha, no surprise there 🙂

For what it's worth, I think the women only chat is a good idea. When I first joined I would def have used it because as a woman online slot addict I felt like an alien. I also remember asking on here about women only GA groups and searching for a local one There aren't any, but if there had been I would have gone along. When I was in therapy we had a one off women only group (although to be fair, I think they ran a men only one too). It gave the space and freedom for things to be discussed that absolutely wouldn't have been said if men were present. Assault, rape, abuse...all came to light from people who had been attending the therapy for weeks but hadn't felt comfortable to say anything until that group.

Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent 🙂 Keep doing what you're doing. It's working! LB x