"How have I become this person?"

Another member of the 50 club - so pleased for you.

I have appreciated your caring thoughts on my diary over the last few months, we are all in this together.

Sbb x

Hey Rhoda 🙂

Chat was busy tonight... you are so good at trying to help the newcomers in chat, such a good heart.

Just wanted to say you're appreciated 🙂

Mari x

Dear Diary, 60 days gamble free, and no intention of changing that...other than to see the days mounting up. No casino withdrawals on my bank statements. Spoken with a financial adviser this morning who has given me some guidance on pensions and what is best for the future; I 'only' work three days a week, but it is physically, mentally and emotionally intensive, and I cannot do more without damaging my own health. I know I need to move forward, but I have never had big aspirations, either at work or to travel. I wanted to be a good mum, and I think I have been, not perfect, but done my best...but what now? My nest is empty, what is my purpose? I'm no longer feeling down about the future; stopping the slots seems to have given me self belief. May sound daft, I want to live, just not certain how to do it....I am not going to spend any more nights alone on an uncomfortable chair in a casino though! I don't know what the way forward is, but at least I am going to actively seek it x

Hey Rhoda....Happy 60!

Proud to be walking this change alongside you...The future? I have no idea what the future holds for me but I'm d**n sure it doesn't involve sitting glued to online slots...like you I'm in the process of figuring out what I want & where I'm going.....

It's like we've woken up and realised there is a Life out there for us... let's go girl....Grab it with both hands!

Mari x

Well done on 60 day's rhoda.

Now the chicks have left the nest
What's stopping you from living?
The world is an absolute oyster
Of opportunitys.
Go find yourself
Deano x

Hi Rhonda.... Thanks for the post on my Diary means alot when people like yourself take the time to comment, you seem to be doing really well and your gf days are really mounting up.Keep up the good work.

Hi Rhonda,

It's a pleasure to see you blossom on this site, it's great to follow your footsteps on the diaries the advise you give is positive and realistic. You come across as someone who has got there head around this in a short space of time, keep going the way you are.

KTF

Hey Rhoda,

I am choosing life too. I don't think I have felt this happy in a while. Don't get me wrong there are things concerning me at home with my brother, but on a personal level, I am good. I keep myself in check everyday and the mantra every morning. I have developed that inner strength that was missing for so long. I have loved reading your diary. My bank statements are the same this month, no withdrawals for gambling. I hope you have a lovely week.

Juliex

I chose to gamble on Monday night...not a slip...a deliberate decision. Was with a friend, I resisted for 30 minutes, then thought "sod it". There were things that prompted it, but I am not going to make any excuses...I gambled because I chose to. Tonight I have been tempted to go again, alone (which is when I normally binge), but I am not going to. I have started my count again, I don't know if I am going to never gamble; I know I have felt more positive about life when I haven't been going to the casino. Need to think.

We have 2 choices we gamble or we don't. Unfortunately this time you chose the wrong path.
The biggest test of resolve is after a relapse it becomes to easy to continue as we always do.

The hard work is jumping straight back into giving the new life you crave your best shot.

Dust down stand up crack on.
Don't be beat today
X

Rhoda I so feel for you...I've been having some serious cravings today 🙁

Deano is right....It's all about choices, seems so simple to non gamblers but we both know it's hard work, you've chosen not to go back tonight and that's something to hold onto...... Cmon girl ... get yourself self excluded...Don't let it bring you down, pick yourself up and choose life....Life without gambling! It won't be easy but....It will be worth it.

With you all the way.

Mari x

Hiya Diary, I was away in London this week, we had been for a meal in Chinatown, and started pouring with rain as we walked back towards Leicester Square. When we were in London a few years back we had had a good night in the casinos....not winning massively...but enjoying playing like normal people. I wanted the buzz of watching the reels, I persuaded my friend to go in, said I would sit and watch...which I did for half an hour, gambling by proxy. Then we got a phone call with some disappointing news, and to tell the truth I used that's an excuse to press the button. As it worked out I ended up up, and was able to give my friend money to cover some of what she had lost....we walked away at 11.30pm. So could have stayed longer. Could have gambled what I had in my purse. Together we decided that we would not go back another night...which in the past we probably (definitely) would have done. Last night was a big come down. I'd seen my family and had a great time with my friend...and it was back to me and the dogs. As I was driving back from the station I was crying on the phone to my friend...I so wanted to go to the casino and hide...I didn't. I came on here, read along, cuddled the dogs, fell asleep and woke up at 3am. I wanted to go on chat at 9pm, but to tell the truth I feel I have let you guys down, but I want to be able to enjoy a normal night out. So I don't know where I am at the moment. I have started counting again, as I know I have to stay away from the casino when I am on my own, and I know I can do that. I know that I am in a better place than I was at the beginning of December. Thanks Deano and Mari for your support x

Hi Rhoda, good to see you posting, i was worried you wouldn't come back, so many don't 🙂

Treat it as a trip Rhoda, a learning curve... a reminder of how gambling makes you feel....Not the false buzz when you're playing but the guilt & regret of the 'morning after' . You are a good person Rhoda, the support you give to others both in chat and the diaries is proof of that....Don't beat yourself up....Take a deep breath, forgive yourself and start again....

Thinking of you.

Mari x

Rhoda, I'm honoured that you would like to become text buddy's and really do think that would help us both. Not sure how I get my number to you? Please don't leave Gamcare...That's the addiction talking Rhoda, it wants you alone.....You're NOT.

Mari x

I think we email admin with our numbers and ask them to forward them