"How have I become this person?"

Well done for coming back and being honest. I remember a few weeks ago talking in chat about SE from the casinos and you said you have all the info but don't know why you have not done it. Maybe worth digging out that info again and doing it know while you feel like this. No point leaving the door open for the next time you have the urge.

http://www.nationalcasinoforum.co.uk/playingsafe/sense-information/

KTF

I've emailed admin & asked them to give you my number 🙂

Mari x

Hi Rhoda, not happy to hear you had a relapse but kudos to you for not making excuses & getting right back on with your journey! Our idea of normal as compulsive gamblers is more than a little warped but the feelings & urges are very real. I'm not sure if it will help any but when I first came here, I was planning a 'treat' for abstaining for a month. The treat @ that time was to gamble but having discussed it out loud today, the internal argument I had with myself @ that time just seems ridiculous now. The amount of money I decided I needed for a real treat was absurd & even without my Tesco vouchers the money we spent on a lovely lunch today is less than 5% of what I was prepared to throw away 'entertaining' myself. Gambling no longer feels like it would be a treat, it feels like I would be eating a nut whilst suffering a severe a nut allergy now.

You've made giant leaps in the last 2 months & it's testament to the effort you have put in that you are in a better place today. It certainly sounds like this has strengthened your resolve so learn from it & keep moving on - ODAAT

P.s: Yup, just email forum admin & they will switch your details...I've only ever done it with email addresses but you can figure it out from there.

Me again, I've just seen your post on Mixer's challenge & concur with SBB, it's not going to happen I'm afraid. I may have argued the toss for the odd lottery ticket in the past but we are compulsive gamblers, the only thing we control is our recovery, going to the casino is not a normal night out for many people, it's not a possible night out for us. You may not believe it right now but you don't need gambling in your life, what has it ever given any of us but misery!

Dont beat yourself up, just pick yourself up...we all walk together x

Sbb

Rhoda,

I had not realised in chat what had happened. Can I just say well done you for being honest about it. You could have just igrnored it and kept on. It was a blip, keep remembering how far you have come, how far you will move forward in the future. Take care of you. Am thinking of you.

Julie

You can build those days back up Rhoda. Onward and upward - you can do this!! Big hugs x

Hi Rhoda, my 1st day on this sight 19 days ago you helped me and told me there was a chat room and gave me some good advice. So pick your self up my friend and start again. You can do it and I really hope you do. Take care

Hi ya, email sent. Got a rather odd response from Admin saying they need to check with the service manager which I have queried & will keep you posted.

ODAAT wrote:

Hi ya, email sent. Got a rather odd response from Admin saying they need to check with the service manager which I have queried & will keep you posted.

I got that too ....

Mari x

Weird! They usually just attach the terms & conditions & send it on so hopefully there's not too much messing about for you guys.

Remember to lean on your diaries if need be & the helpline is open until midnight.

Morning,

I know I don't understand, my husband has told me. I probably don't really want to but FWIW, a thought, not a criticism: you said it was deliberate but when was the decision to gamble really taken? When you had the urge and the "I don't care" moment? Or when the loophole was left open in the first place?

Possibly there's more you can do to keep yourself safe, but are you prepared to let go of the non existent life changing win and actually do it? Barriers support you but they won't save you from yourself if you can't let go.

There'll be other desperate moments. But you can be the person you want to be. The Big Win is a fantasy. Overcoming addiction and being content in your own skin are real possibilities. Not easy but worth it.

Hope to see you carry on.

CW

Oh goodness CW, when I saw you had posted, I read with trepidation. No I know I have a loophole, though on this occasion it wouldn't have made a difference because it was a London casino and other than having to look over 18, no security checks. I don't play for a big win....I dont need the money....I don't know why I enjoy the machines. When was the decision made....earlier in the evening I think, before we left the hotel. I know I have not got this cracked; I know that I want to stop the compulsive bit, which Monday was in danger of reigniting, but do I never ever never want to go on a slot again.....at this moment in time I cannot say I don't....and I don't know why. May sound pathetic, but that is how I feel. Could I self exclude for the initial 6 months....yes...I am thinking that may be my way forward. Do I intend to go to the casino in my local town? No I do not. I have felt better about myself, my life, my future, since I stopped my all night binges

Hi Rhoda

I'm another who doesn't really get it. I understand the lure of the machines is there because I caught Mr L feeding the FOBT's with the small change he had on him five months after he was << >> that close to losing nearly everything. He's never been able to explain it to me and I've come to accept it's not going to happen. He goes to GA where they get it in a way I never will. One of the tenets there is taking things one day at a time. That means not focusing on the never again but on the here and now. As gf time builds up I'm told the thoughts recede. Ironically enough Mr L tells me the only time he thinks about gambling now is at GA but going weekly keeps him grounded and reminds him why there's no room for complacency.

I can imagine casinos are pretty anonymous places but SE isn't only about not being recognised. It's a reinforcing strategy for your own mind. You planned this relapse. How about looking at how you were able to get hold of enough money to carry it out? Mr L is OK with a bank card to an account I monitor but he doesn't routinely carry even small change and hasn't for several years. Sometimes barriers need fine tuning.

Hi, again, Rhoda,

Would agree with Lethe that the weakest link is the financial one...but letting go is letting go. The barriers only go so far but it's about not wanting to gamble again and doing everything, however uncomfortable, because it's worth it and you're worth it.

re GA, going back eighty years to the first AA "meeting" between Bill W and Dr Bob, Dr Bob only agreed to meet Bill W because he realised that Bill wanted to talk to him about his own drinking problem, not Dr Bob's. And that talking to another alcoholic would help Bill W, it was a way of Dr Bob giving. That's the essence of the Twelve Step fellowships, the members get it and help each other and it's another tool worth trying.

Non addicts can't get it but such is life.

Keep with it.

CW