I am stronger than I thought!

Hi Charlotte,

It can be brutal at times. I can know all of the facts and still get the urge to do it anyway. There are nights when the pressure is so that I want to scream or break something. I don't have the answers but, I know I feel better when I don't gamble. In sports they call it a personal best. Your 15 weeks was just that your personal best. Just like my 11th week is so far, my personal best. Is it possible that I could fall down at any moment? Absolutely and I have many times over this past year. I catch my breath, get up, and start again. There is no winner because there is no competition only us on a personal quest to have better lives. We learn that the quality of our lives improve without gambling in it and because we are good people we deserve quality lives. Don't quit Charlotte. It's your life it's your race and your personal best that counts in the long run. Oh well, maybe too much coffee for me this morning... lol.. -joanxxxxx

I messed up again, feel sick feel like my life is over y me y am I so stupid. I'm a idiot .

Charlotte.

I feel for you my dear friend, your courage to return and be totally honest shows me and i am sure many others that you are not going to give up the fight , you have lost a couple of battles, but you will still win the war.

Gift yourself some time, space to breath.

Enjoy some company with your daughter.

Plan on how you can help to put time between you and a punt.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

We are here.

Unconditional my friend.

You can and will conquer it.

Never give up giving up.

duncs stepping forward never back.

Keep posting Charlotte ....even if its just a few words xx

Thanks I'm not feeling gr8 my life is a mess..... I don't think I can do this nemore...... Y am I such a idiot2

Sending hugs.

xxx

Sorry everyone I'm feeling so low 2nite, I'm gambling away everything even my future. My bf told me if I put one more pound in the fruit machine it was over still I carried on. It is like I'm trying 2 destroy my future. Poor Maddison as such a miserable mum, I'm so selfish I h8 myself!

I have hardly slept all nite, I have that horrible gutted feeling. Keep asking myself y I keep doing this, I wish I knew the answer.... Cus I h8 hurting the ppl I love 🙁

Thanks all 4 ur support it means a lot 🙂

I was feeling so sorry 4 myself and low the other nite. I seem 2 go 4 long periods without gambling and then convince myself I can just play the machines and spend a few pound. That 1st pound is the most expensive!

I am not gonna give up this fite, gambling makes me feel cr**, I feel worthless and I become selfish. I don't wanna live that life. I have 2 much 2 lose!

I have never wanted 2 do this b4, but I am now handing my bank cards 2 my bf 4 a while and give him control of our money..... Maddison deserves a happy life and when I am gambling I cannot provide that. I feel awful 4 letting Maddie down, but I will make her proud 1 day 🙂

I am going on holiday on Saturday and I am looking 4ward 2 it, I rarely get time 2 post on here nemore, with Maddie and work but I have a day off 2day so I caught up with some friends here. It made me smile. This forum is a gr8 place, full of gr8 ppl all with one goal 2 stay gamble free, support each other and not destroy our own lifes!

I know I will get there, I can't give up.....After each slip I always try summat new.... One day I will get it rite I'm sure!

Neway sorry about the rambling!

Hope everyone is ok xx

Sorry to hear about the slip and know what your feeling since im in the same boat. And I guess as we always do we'll carry on through it to another day. Heads Up and one foot in front of the other one. Take care girl

Charlotte.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing all the right things, your resolve will grow.

Great to see you about the forum, i hope it helps.

Enjoy your holiday, put some time between you and that bet.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Charlotte... I think most of us machine gamblers are ridiculously hard on ourselves. We machine feed, feel wretched, self-esteem enters the toilet bowl and then we punish ourselves (consciously or not) by further gambling... and so the vicious cycle continues.

You will break this cycle. You have started to break the cycle simply by coming clean. Its now out in the open and you have drawn a line under it. Remember that some/many/most people who gamble go for a lifetime without fully acknowledging the damage that gamble does to ones well being. Your not one of these people.

Anything that you do that lifts your self-esteem will help to stay stopped. Happy holidays!! warm regards.... S.A 🙂

Hi Charlotte, sorry to read you are having a very tough time and thank you for your support on my diary.

I too have had many problems, it hurts but you'll get through this dark period, you know you will. Just go and enjoy your holiday and relax. Fresh start when you get back and be proud of yourself for handing your cards over. You are a good mum don't forget it! xx

Hi charlotte

Since the last time we spoke I also relapsed and felt exactly the same way u feel now , Best thing I did was read diaries and soon realised I was feeling way to sorry for myself , there's people out there who can't make the choices we can make they av been given a bad hand and can't do anything bout it , thats something we can do

Not judging as I know how it felt my world fell apart why did I do it , it will pass though it always does the key is once again learn a bit more for our recovery

Comin clean is important I thought for half a moment not to say anything but who was a lying to ? Only myself and that wasn't goin to help me

I av always said u r strong and will always fight and I know u will , enjoy the break and start afresh

Castle2

Cheers for commenting on my diary charlotte

We have all been in your situation were we think we can just put £1 in a machine but like you say £1 can lead to a hell of a lot more. So why put that £1 in the first place?. I can never go in a betting shop again because I no I would go straight over to an fobt machine and lose thousands causing me heartache and my family You need to think of the heartache that you are causing to yourself and family and everytime you think about putting money into the machine you need to imagine what your daughter would be telling you. She,d be saying don,t do it mam.

Be strong and take