I've gambled a lot. Today I started typing when I realised how desperate I am to stop:
"It’s happened again as the under the hot still air hangs outside my window
As my adrenaline turns to pain and the numb sense of loss
Running over the consequence, counting down the hours
Until the next day starts and the shame fades away again.
Thinking what went wrong, has this been coming for days?
What would they say if they knew? Would they be able to detach the person they thought I was?
It’s so easy to part the day-to-day from my burden of shame
After a few short hours of deep red guilt, I become removed again.
Yet I’m only ever a few short days, weeks, months from the next self-immolation".
My name is John, I'm 23, educated, in a good job, happy and addicted to gambling.
I've never reached out before, and I want to share my (hopeful) journey of recovery, as I'm not sure I can do this alone.
John
Welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who share the same goal, to arrest that all important next punt, to put an end to the self created misery that is the compulsion to gamble.
Life as a compulsive gambler is one of a progressive nature, the longer we give our lives to it the further detached from the world we become, recovery offers a route back to rejoining the world without that self created carnage.
Many of us share similar traits are well educated but that all goes out the window when we pursue that next punt.
We all live by the same mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
You can turn that upside down, through recovery you actually win without staking a single penny.
Give recovery the same effort you have your own gambling, the positive effect will surpass any false promise the gambling side of your brain offered.
The advice that was gifted to me on my first days recovery, still works today over three years on
There is a triangle
Time-money-location
Take one away at all times and the next punt becomes impossible
Gifting the rational side of the brain time to think, time to re wire itself.
Recovery is not easy, there is no quick fix or cure for us, recovery is a life choice, one which will enable you to enjoy the fruits of your own labour rather than endure them.
I look forward to reading your progress.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
duncanmac wrote:
John
Welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who share the same goal, to arrest that all important next punt, to put an end to the self created misery that is the compulsion to gamble.
Life as a compulsive gambler is one of a progressive nature, the longer we give our lives to it the further detached from the world we become, recovery offers a route back to rejoining the world without that self created carnage.
Many of us share similar traits are well educated but that all goes out the window when we pursue that next punt.
We all live by the same mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
You can turn that upside down, through recovery you actually win without staking a single penny.
Give recovery the same effort you have your own gambling, the positive effect will surpass any false promise the gambling side of your brain offered.
The advice that was gifted to me on my first days recovery, still works today over three years on
There is a triangle
Time-money-location
Take one away at all times and the next punt becomes impossible
Gifting the rational side of the brain time to think, time to re wire itself.
Recovery is not easy, there is no quick fix or cure for us, recovery is a life choice, one which will enable you to enjoy the fruits of your own labour rather than endure them.
I look forward to reading your progress.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Thanks for the kind words Duncan, its reassuring to know there are other who understand and have overcome what I'm beginning to face up to. I've a long way to go yet, but I'm starting to understand that I need to work one day at a time.
John
Well done on recognising the problem. I'm of a similiar age to yourself and I'm also in the same position. I've a gambling problem.
But we are not alone. This group is here to help. As you've said 1 day at a time. Plan your days out so there isn't spare time or opportunity to gamble.
Keep strong I look forward to seeing you reach double figures and then triple.
T
I'm still fighting and staying on track happily.
I had an email today pointing out that my 1 year self-exclusion at a sportsbook has expired and I'm free to gamble there again. Obviously the urges kicked in, but in a clear-headed moment walking home from work I emailed asking for the exclusion to be renewed. I wish companies weren't allowed to send emails like that. They were encouraging someone with a problem, and they surely knew it.
Thoughts are with everyone else fighting this thing, stay strong!
Paid Friday, gone today. Feel sick.
Throwaway
My friend Einstein wrote 'to repeat the same action over and over expecting the outcome to change is the definition of madness'
We live by a mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
Gambling is without doubt a progressive addiction, over time the losses grow,the stakes grow and you wind up further detached from the world.
Take that sick feeling and store it in the forefront of your mind.
When addiction comes knocking relive today in your mind.
I went at it relentlessly for more than twenty years, fella it will get worse never better through active gambling.
Dust yourself down get back on your bike so to speak.
The recovery doors revolve fella, learn from your shortfalls and ultimately put an end to the self created madness.
Abstain and maintain.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
I'll not give up though, this is day-one again today... Everytime I have any spare money the best thing to do seems to be to try to win a bit more. Of course it never happens. The week after the 5th June will be the next time I get paid, I highly doubt I'll be able to spend anything this month nown up to then. This isn't just a psychological problem, it has impacts on life, relationships and everything else. I'm ashamed.
Most of us have been where you are now.
It took me a few attempts and now I feel much stronger. Bottle this feeling and remind yourself of it next time you are tempted. Remember you can't safely place a bet or spin in moderation. At some point, usually sooner rather than later you will lose the lot. You have to give up the buzz. As time goes on the urges recede and gambling starts to lose its hold on everything you do. Take some of the practical steps suggested by many. Blockers, exclusions and handing over finances. Counselling has helped me even though I wasn't confident it would and have been closed to it for years. Others prefer GA. Do something this is the time. Time for change. Best wishes.
Down and out, thanks for your helpful words. I'm a few days clear now and know that the challenge will be after nexy payday. You're right that I need to bottle that feeling. I'm trying to keep it close to my mind, and am forcing myself to read and post here, when my usual approach is to try to forget all about everything to do with gambling.
I'm not sure I'm ready for counselling or GA, although my girlfriend knows I've had issues in the past, I'm keen to keep the ongoing problem to myself right now and just want to get through it somehow alone and with the help of the good people on this forum.
I am self-excluded from every bookie out there - but I always seem to find a new one when the urge takes hold!
Day one again today - here we go
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