2018 UPDATE - POST 109, PAGE 3
Hi firstly let me tell you about the username and the title. Firstly the title; my motivation and main reason for stopping gambling has changed and it changed on the 5th Feb when my wife told me I was going to be a Dad. The username as you may have guessed is the due date. Now I have just typed and rambled on about wanting to be there for my kid and all the terrible images I have of dissapointing him/her through various actions that happened due to my gambling but it was just to much of a ramble so I stopped and deleted it. Bottom line, I'm so happy that I have a baby on the way and I don't want to have gambling ruin any moment of my life with him/her.
So a little history I have had a few accounts/usernames on here and I remember what I think was my first finished with a post about the 2010 world cup and that I was going to enjoy it for the sport and not the betting opportunities - i failed! So 6ish years on and here we go again.
Last year my wife almost walked out as I had sunk again to "rock bottom" (for the new starters on this road to freedom I believe there is no rock bottom, every time I go back I fall harder and further, create your rock bottom now and only look up). After promising her once more that I would quit forever after 6 months of not gambling and clearing up quite a bit of debt I undone all the good and binged more than ever, emptying my bank account/overdraft and maxing credit cards.
We managed to stay together and I fought back from the brink, gained back some trust and started rebuilding financially (long way to go but going in the right direction).
I'm back because after 7 months this time I have once again slipped back to gambling, this time tho it was just that - a slip, no relapse and a kind of happy Dave. I may have gambled and don't get me wrong i felt awful but that is what I'm happy about. I did one £20 bet (why i'm still not 100% sure) but I felt bad, I felt guilty. But after a short while I looked at myself and thought gambling makes me miserable and I don't want another bet. I had decided that if the bet won I would take my wife out with the money and that would be the end of my gambling slip. It lost ofcourse.
I told my wife and she wasn't happy (understatement!!), no financial damage but trust once more broken.
I have a baby on the way, a family to support, not just financially but in every way. As we all know gambling takes far more than just your money and I can't afford for it to take anything from me anymore. Thats why I'm back, I can't say or commit to how much I'll post but I need something in the background as a further reminder that I do have a problem and I cant have that one bet and why would I want to.
So here I am my 8th day of not gambling, I did want to have a count of something like 230 days only one bet or something similar but I didn't want to keep reminding myself of that bet. So it's day 8 it's a new chapter and a new diary.
One thing I have always done is to set a couple of goals to help keep me focused;
1. Get to 30 days, one month, to just step away properly from that last bet.
2. Get to my 30th birthday - 23rd July, It's just over 100 days so thats a nice milestone and 90 days/3 months is said to be the time it takes to break the habit so that falls about right to.
3. 8th October thats the date my life changes for ever, it may not actually be that day but its the number/date that will keep me focused and make me realise what I have to do.
Time for me to wrap up and shut up, thank you as always for letting me get this out, it's a great tool to use having the diary and I must say it's good to be back!!
Just an update on the day I hit all my goals/targets - get in! I better set some new ones.
1. Get to the end of the year. Sets up 2017 nicely and gets me to a personal best total.
2. Join the 2017 gamble free thread and aim for my my first gamble free calendar year since I was legally able to gamble (and perhaps before - don't tell anyone!).
3. Get to the 2nd April (see the new username) and complete my first gamble free year.
4. Keep it going complete the 2017 thread. Improving my life immensely on the way and doing it all again in 2018.
5. Gambling - I'm done with it!!
This post just keeps getting longer just working out a few dates and thought I'd add this here....
I will hit 638 days if I make it through 2017 and 1003 days through 2018. Crazy numbers.
My next target is 400 which will fall on Sun 7th May then the race to 500 which will be on 15th Aug.
One day at a time, I will get there.
Just joined the 2016 thread, wish I was there from the start but I'm glad its available now and I think it'll be a massive help keeping me on the right path so I can hit my personal goals. Also becuase I'll have to check in once a week it'll keep my brain from slipping and forgetting that I do have a bloody problem!
What a buzz, I feel so good when I do something that'll help me quit gambling. I suppose that shows me that i have a problem - I know a bet makes me miserable, a post on here makes me happy yet I still have to fight the urge. Still that is my life unfortunately and I have regrets ofcourse but if I wasnt a gambler where would I be? Would I have my wife? Would I have a child on the way? My life is what it is and I'm lucky to have what I have. What I need to do is keep what I have and start making the most of it all.
Hello again. I didn't want to mention this on my first day back here but I wanted to say it now. I had some outstanding bets on the masters, they were placed last year and I must admit I wanted then to win I did think if they lost at least it'll be over but I really could've done with the money but hey as you probably guessed they lost and as I just said at least it's over. I now have no outstanding bets. Nothing to cheer on, no door slightly ajar with me looking in waiting to tear it off its hinges and ruin my life once more. I had plans for the money that I didn't win so my first thing this morning was to straight away look at the debt I have and put an honest reasonable plan In place now this was a little scary and it hurt that the debt is going to be around for quite sometime. I flirted briefly with idea of a small accumulator of some kind to make my dreams come true and end the debt and of course the stake would only be a small percentage of my debt so who cares if I lose and add to that debt a little bit - I've been saying that and adding to the debt for 6 years - who cares I bloody do.
The only way to pay this off and sort my life out finally is to stop betting, play the long game of just paying off the debt, working hard, pay it off slowly but surely and be proud that I could do that however long it takes. That way I have my wife, my child and I have the knowledge I was strong enough to fight off the addiction and turn everything around by myself, with my own strength of mind making the right choices.
That felt good. I need to keep the positive vibes going get this debt down look after my wife, show her I can be trusted and I am capable of sorting our lives out and I will do it!
Hi 8thOct its great to see you keeping positive and strong! You mention you have been on the site before so you will know that its so impoartant to put barriers in place - have you managed to do this? Breaking that triangle of time, money & location has released so much pressure off my shoulders - yes I still get urges but knowing I couldnt gamble even if i wanted to has meant i can shrug them off quicker!
I think your username is excellent, congratulations on becoming a father. When you get that first scan of your son/daughter pop it into your wallet and anytime you feel the urge take a look at it. You obviously love your wife dearly and cant wait to be a father so use that to your advantage when Mr Gamble comes along.
I wish you all the best on this journey!
Double figures! Woop Woop. 10 days. Proud that I'm not slipping back to old habits. The fight is back on and I'm winning. Lost many battles but I'll win the war.
Day 11. Just enquired about signing up to a 100 day challenge, not sure if I've missed the deadline but if not I look forward to that challenge. I'm determined to get there and beyond.
First up tho let's get this next few days wraped up and get to two weeks then it's about focusing on getting to the one month.
Let's do this.
Day 13 unlucky for some so I best not gamble!
Time to check in on the 2 challenges. Feeling strong, compete tomorrow and is 2 weeks. Great stuff.
Day 17. Feeling good. No major urges. Let it always be this way.
Great stuff 8thOct, glad your feeling strong and keeping gf!
Thanks rose. Friday - check in day. Day 20 now.
Day 25. Quarter of a century. Feeling good. I will do this!!
28 days. I will not gamble today!
Saturday had its urges mainly I think because work was slow so I had more time to think. But Saturday is over and we're on to Sunday. Day 29 onwards!
30 days. One month in the book or is that tomorrow maybe who knows who cares because I won't be gambling tomorrow either. I am done!!
WD!
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