I will fight till I win

Thanks for your message duncs wise words and im taking it all on board I'm not planning to far ahead I think that's where I went wrong last time but one day/brick at a time and ive been analysing what sets me off to ensure the urges (altho my addiction is online only and I have no way of accsessing that anymore) don't get chance of claiming my gf days
thanks again hope everyone has a good gf day....meeting with a debt advisor this morning so I best get a move on
X

Positive meeting not going down the iva route but letter template to send which will help let me breath for a few month without the fact of trying to do everything yesterday but taking it one day at a time so that it minimises the risks to my mental health yet alone minimize the risks of urges to that one quick fix one more step taken ....... off to pick my little one up from nursery soon then cake baking for my eldest son's birthday tomorrow can't quite believe he's going to be 15 and that despite everything he's the most level headed gifted caring boy it's also parents evening tonight so I get to hear everyone tell me how fabulous he is :0) never bore of hearing it haha he's on track for a* for all his gcses and he's doing higher maths n English (college course ) one day a week already all through his own choice now that's something to fight to make him proud of me x

Wow what a busy but good and productive day I am just climbing into bed on a positive High so wanted to make a note of feeling like this and toremind myself not every day is bad so to roll with the punches night all hope your all gamble free and being kind to yourselves xx

Hi tt,

Just wanted to come by to tell you how inspiring and amazing soul you are. I read your poems on another tread and you sum your days up perfectly in that poetic manner. Really nice to read and thank you for sharing your talent 🙂

Hope today is another good day for you and you can celebrate this life with a smile on your face..another battle won..be proud!!!

Take care and keep up the good work

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra I think poems are best when they come from feelings and heart as was yours do post more as I love to read poems too :0) another gf day my big boys 15 today so been a little busy but now he's off on his comp happy which makes me happy just about to curl up and watch a film, I said earlier to my son how id enjoyed this week that I felt like old mom and he agreed putting debts aside ( the debt advisor was a blessing) I have attually smiled this week, laughed and sang danced like a crazy person around my house with my boys... all the things I used to do every single week it hit me how much had changed how I'd changed and between me and my diary I preferred who I used to be and that is my goal for tomorrow just one day at a time I want to be her happy bold and above all else feel like mum the mum I know I was meant to be x

Just watched 50 shades thought id write a few of my present thoughts which the film spurred on before I turn in I was once told we only receive the love we believe we deserve ..... This led my thought of low esteem maybe .... do we only get the life and happiness we believe we deserve too?? I do believe I self destruct through gambling through pushing people away through self betrayal of telling myself I'm not good enough .... so this in mind you look at what set that mind set it's the hardest thing to change is it not?? Reading through people's diarys I see it alot most from messed up backgrounds... hard starts in life everyone filling a void .... that most of us find talking to new people (strangers) than who are in our lives in person finding comfort, and strength here on a page from the kind words that strangers want to share and support your success I thank you ....anyway I just wanted to put I am thankful to be able to walk beside you all in this recovery were not bad people we just one day at a time need to change that mindset for even though it's easy for me to write this I know it doesn't change anything but is it not others who wasn't good enough wasn't it others (who I have to admit may have suffered to) who put there insecurities into us we made it through that!! were here were fighting!! so hope is what Im taking to bed and i hope you can take it too that mindset can be beaten and changed, shaped and tomorrow well that's a new day
x

Good afternoon folks day 7.... I think this is the first weekend I've attually felt positive about life in along time early days I'm not jumping ahead but I like this feeling were off on a long walk shortly me n my boys :0) I feel like some things clicked inside my head that somethings snapped Corney I know but even just a few week ago I didn't feel like this didn't feel as if there was a way out maybe the meeting I've had this week have made a difference I don't know but today will be gamble free
have a good day all x

Hi tt my name is Jen I just a reading on your diary I have my own in here. Us gamblers and lady gamblers need to stick together and support each other so just want to say well done for the positive steps you're taking and glad you are starting feel good from taking them may there be many more 🙂

One week already tt, and a lovely positive post, well done.

Suzanne xx

Hey Suzanne nor going to shout about my days just yet I was just a few weeks ago and thought maybe if I just say one day at a time ill see them add up going to celebrate months I think but thank you your support is overwhelming bet your missing odaat at the moment only really been speaking to her last few weeks and already notice her absence alot , hope your well x

tt,

You have come along way with your recovery, and every day we don't gamble is a good day, guess it will always be one day at a time.

Am sure ODAAT is not too far away lol, but understand the break, so many folks have come and disappeared in the 10 months that I have been on here without a word, ODAAT is around in the background, lol,

Your poems are lovely to read as they are straight from the heart.

Suzanne xx

I understand her break it's good to see she is busy living life :0) and thank you your words are so kind it helps too right and to know your walking along with many strong folk to know your not alone gives me more strength I guess
x

Good morning everyone busy day ahead got my sister n tribe coming for dinner today and to get everything ready for work n boys schools (dont u just love sundays) lol very restless night last night but have to admit better than every night being restless so still in a positive head mode I can't say I wasn't tempted to try find a way to my old dark friend but with all blockers in place it wasn't an option and safe to say the urge past .... trigger noted loneliness... memories ....and trying to avaid them
a sure reminder that one day at a time is truly the best way to think of things and today is and Will be gamble free
x

Bit gutted as after reading the challenge and my days not being right realising I would have been 28 days in the good rather than 8 ....Note to self this will not happen again I will add to my 8 days not slip and start again ... at the minute I'm not even touching paying back my overdraft with every day bills which is mad that I could often find 10,20 100 to gamble ill be happy when that overdraft is coming down and this is the only way to be free and happy again I will abstain I will maintain x

Thanks for dropping by tt. Loving the poems. Try not to get hung up on the daycount its not important. One day @ a time is all you need to do

Dan