I will fight till I win

tt

I get these feelings, like guilty feelings, like I have done something terribly wrong, like gambling lol, I guess it is all part of the recovery process, they are not nice, but they don't last long.

Anyway look at you 15 days well done,

Keep strong and positive.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne glad I'm not going mad keep asking myself why I feel like this today with no cause before I could understand lol x

Day 16..... today I could really do with a friend attually nowt to do with gambling I am 16 days gamble free and today will remain that way .... but wow with so much time in reality and a recent conversation I feel well erm lost seeing how much my life has changed gone from loads of friends (who after 13 yr I thought would always be there ) to this now attually not knowing who to call ... what to say you see my life altered so much in just 3 years a new partner after 4 years being on my own a new house a new baby and guess my friends didn't like the partner or the baby ( less weekend partying) or that I didn't live on the same road as them in essence I guess the last year's gambling was down to down right loneliness and now I need to try over come that .... I'm angry with my friends as I've always stood by them been there I even confided in one (whom I'd been friends with 13 yr asked for her help) her understanding but unless I turn upto her door I don't even get a text and insult to injury if I was to turn up I've tried in the last few weeks I just get told repeatedly how much I've changed.
heard the little man's nursery is attually closing down in 4 week after he's just settled in so back to the drawing board on that one guess I just feel it's one step forward 3 steps back all the time x

Hi.

I think I know how you're feeling and it's not nice. xxx

i lost touch with my friends, made a conscious effort last week to make contact and actually got invited out on a "girls night out" last Friday. ( Sort of gate-crashed really.)

Well I went but felt like a spare part. I tried but could not see the fun anymore in just going out to drink silly amounts and pretend to be having "Such Fun".

I think maybe I have really changed. I don't know. Maybe you have changed too.

Should we keep making the effort do you think or should we start afresh and try and make new friends. (or will we end up just alone?)

So sorry to be so negative when you are trying so hard. I guess I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings.

I think that maybe we should find new friends for our new gamble free lives. Don't look back.

Take care.

Thanks Sally me be your right defiantly something to think about

Day 17 was spent arguing crying and gamble free

Day 18 payday in two days I need to be strong emotionally drained today after a rather awful day yesterday after arguing with my baby's daddy how one person can make me feel so low and say the things he does utters belief the saying kick you when your down is an understatement on what he does.... just been sat doing a project for work a staff board lol had to keep checking with my eldest it doesn't come across patronising .... its supposed to raise moral and the way I'm feeling well its not coming easy
anyway day 18 is and will be gamble free x

Hi tt,

18 days today, keep pushing through, there will be more ups than downs soon.

Well done keep going and stay strong and safe.

Suzanne xx

Hi tt1980

Popping by to say hello and let you know that I am out here supporting you.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of c**P on your plate at the moment.

Wish I could help more but can only wish you the strength to keep fighting.

As I Wished predicts.... Things must get better.

Keep posting and using this place to vent... It's better and less harmfull to you than gambling.

Take care of yourself.

xxx

Thanks guys it means a lot especially at the moment I guess alot of things are consequence of me gambling the other half of it was what made me gamble in the first place neither doing me any good but am sure the only way can possibly be up ain't much further I could fall.my eldest son said to me last night that it will get better and im holding onto that I will not gamble for my children and to make our lives better I will not gamble so they can be proud of me and I will not gamble so that nobody can fault/judge/condemn me for a weakness I will not gamble because because I would not win as I would not stop,
again thank you guys without this site I think I may have lost the plot by now x

Day 19 .... I wish I could say today is one of the better days but hey no sleep (poorly little man) a rushed walk marathon to work and a day from hell in there to then get to school thinking it's parents evening to be told it's next week well nope emotional is not even close so roll on bedtime I am bushed physically and emotionally there has to be a glimmer of sunrise somewhere soon it attually makes me laugh that my addiction doesn't even have much to do with the way things have been this week blockers in place I can not play no doubt this thought will cross my mind tomorrow but I will not gamble ..... I was told we were only given what we can handle we'll right now I think someone's having a laugh making out I'm a ninja ..... anyway tea to cook kids to sort will try catch up later when I finally take a seat x

Hi tt,

19 days of winning, well done, keep going and keep strong

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne hope all is well
so day 20 payday..... and instead of me dreading the urges I've sat paid all my bills,and ticked a few off my list which are now finished and withdrew what was left I now have a total of 90 pounds in my purse of which is food money gas and elec which I will go do tomorrow,I phoned the bank who kindly took 50 off my total overdraft (as so it wasnt just sat there ) and attually knowing there's nothing in the bank and my bills are paid is making me feel happier, things are tight but so what they will improve if I stick to this stratagy, hope everyone is having a lovely gamble free Friday off to do tea and chores as hoping to chill out soon two nights of no sleep has worn me out x

I don't know wether it's cause I'm so tired or just that it's the calmest night its been all week but I'm content in knowing no matter how tight it is right now it's a small price to pay to be able to rebuild our future knowing one day soon ill get there and can make the boys future better by being better myself thanks for all the support everyone x

Peekaboo only me checking back in on day 20 gamble free :0) payday :0) can't play won't play :0) for today I am a winner :0)
am attually like so chuffed with myself right now knowing rent account clear.... All bills paid.... and overdraft 50 pound less .... better than any high of a win I'd only go lose anyway :0) x

Enjoy tt1980 you deserve it.

20 days!!!

Keep going and by next payday you can reduce overdraft again and be at 50odd days.

xxxx Enjoy your weekend

Thanks Sally,
just had some terrible news an old friend past this morning lung cancer .... her poor three kids it's heart breaking but an awful realisation life is for living not to hide away from the world in our gambling frenzies becoming isolated cutting off friends when one of them could be suffering when they are going through a whole much more than maybe the reason we turned to gambling in the first place
am gutted x