I will fight till I win

Hi there,

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.
Really lovely to see you marching on and getting stronger with each day - well done!!!
Your words on your diary hit home last night, " you're somebody's world"..well, what can i say, in a fog of gambling you truly become selfish person and don't think about most important things around you. We are indeed somebody's world on thie earth!

Keep up the good work and keep reaping the benefits abstinence gifts. You and your lovely family are worth it

Sandra x

Day 54 .... so I've been sat writing lists working out when ill have overdraft paid off (I know this already) ... I've now found my way here as I realised I am obsessing about it a little more than I think is healthy I have gone through 5 note pads in the last two months each time I do it Im seeing if I can scrape extra together cut shopping bill,add bus fares when kids arnt in school etc etc too add to paying overdraft off as if my life depends on it or just re writing it neater n neater I carry my notebook everywhere and check it, tick them off as I pay, account for everything before even buying sweets, add to it if something unforseen comes up ie kids one needs shoes one needs pumps .... then ill go on to write shopping lists rounding prices to the nearest pound .... lists for lists I am now worrying myself that Im not normal .... is this normal?? I'm in a better place than a few months ago ie financially,(there's money in the bank) mentally (much happier,positive ),physically (I sleep) so why are lists now taking over ?? My overdraft isn't even reviewed till december and in a max of three months I can have it paid off so why am I obsessing about it?? Why am I being so strict when I could live more comfortable and still have it paid off in time .... anyone else gone through this any advice ??
Today is and will be gamble free
X

Hi ya, I don't think it's normal but when do us CG's ever really fall into that category & more importantly, what is normal?!?

I walked in these shoes but more fool me, I did this whilst gambling so every time I got my list as neat as it could be, I'd leave the house & back to the drawing board 🙁 I wondered whether my many lists had ever made me manage my money any better & truth is, shopping still needed to be done, unforeseen outgoings still occurred & all they were really doing was taking up my precious time! Even in recovery, it doesn't matter how precise I am, any given list is out of date with each new day & actually, if something does crop up, you will find a way to deal with it! I'm not sure how I did it but you need to let them go, worry about the todays...As long as you remain gamble free, the tomorrows will take care of themselves! Be as patient as you can, be proud of what you have achieved & most importantly be kind to yourself...Rome wasn't built in a day!

You are doing this - ODAAT

tt1980 wrote: Day 54 .... so I've been sat writing lists working out when ill have overdraft paid off (I know this already) ... I've now found my way here as I realised I am obsessing about it a little more than I think is healthy I have gone through 5 note pads in the last two months each time I do it Im seeing if I can scrape extra together cut shopping bill,add bus fares when kids arnt in school etc etc too add to paying overdraft off as if my life depends on it or just re writing it neater n neater I carry my notebook everywhere and check it, tick them off as I pay, account for everything before even buying sweets, add to it if something unforseen comes up ie kids one needs shoes one needs pumps .... then ill go on to write shopping lists rounding prices to the nearest pound .... lists for lists I am now worrying myself that Im not normal .... is this normal?? I'm in a better place than a few months ago ie financially,(there's money in the bank) mentally (much happier,positive ),physically (I sleep) so why are lists now taking over ?? My overdraft isn't even reviewed till december and in a max of three months I can have it paid off so why am I obsessing about it?? Why am I being so strict when I could live more comfortable and still have it paid off in time .... anyone else gone through this any advice ?? Today is and will be gamble free X

I am going through that exactly now! it's like I just wrote that lol crazy eh? trouble is it makes me more stressed and anxious, but has helped me focus on reducing debt wish I could switch off and not worry about it though! maybe it comes from always working out how much money to gamble? how much we're up, what we're down, how much we could win, what we could spend it on, what we could have spent it on? money on the mind for years i guess it's better writing this down than writing bets on a betting slip though?! but it is quite debilitating if thats the word!!

keep, keeping on

Thanks guys while thinking about it I think maybe it's become so important as to fix the damage I caused but I am going to try not to write list for a while I'm on the right path and things are coming down I just need to keep reminding myself of this I guess lol well one job finished other to be started at 5 so checking in as it's late when I get home boys are at there dad's this weekend so least I feel a little less guilty about working all weekend
onwards and upward x

55 days today tt, well done, onwards and upwards and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Day 58 not been around as wow it's hectic and my dear grandad was rushed into hospital things arnt looking well, and in between juggling kids and work with sorting my sister out (whom has left me furious) and that my brother needs to grow a back bone and not rely on me to see his daughter I am some what knackered that I haven't had time to sit for five mins so today I have worked shopped sorted kids n grabbing a mucheck needed 5 for a brew n a cig before tackling bathtime.... (breath) on a plus note it's so busy I don't have time to even contemplate gambling and watching penny's come together that there's no more payday loan and all bills are upto date with (enough extra for spends ) for hol next month I am content...content on knowing my son's pgl trip is paid off as of this morning and the overdraft is coming down without spitting a sweat on how ill find the money I now remember how good that feeling is working 6 days is hard but so worth this feeling :0)
Day 58 onwards and upwards x

Day 60 day off work today and tomorrow as juggled some hols about :0) so been sat in the sun with the little man and generally taking time out to chill I know when I go back inside ill start cleaning etc so I am just going to sit here watch my little man play and enjoy it :0) today is and will be gamble free x

Day 61 so today I am going to blitz this house ready for back to work tomorrow and set for weekend feeling all refreshed from some good early nights it's sure is nice today :0) hope everyone's well and gamble free x

Day 65 days seem to be flying by days that were once so empty now full to the brim that I don't know how I'm keeping on top of everyday chores bonus I don't find I have many urges and don't spend anytime looking at my phone itching to play as everything else games etc lost intrest to me quickly, I'm loving my second job and routines with my boys are firmly back in place tho I tend to be so tired at around 9 that my bedtime has become the same as there's lol hope everyone's well x

Quick check in life's so busy and I guess with the urges almost gone I forget to check in here due to not having my phone constantly in my hands lol and on a plus I haven't wrote a new list since I decided they were bad for me hahaha x

Day 71 scary reminding me how fast days go when you see what day your on think this year needs to slow down a little so this weekend has been work...a buffet.. And other work so today I have been very lazy and cuddled with my boys watching movies I am so looking forward to the 23rd a whole week of just my boys no Work just sand sea and my beautiful boys and ive even saved spends enough to make it that little more special so I can spoil them they so deserve it :0) half way to having debts paid off and on top of all my bills so feeling calm and in control altho I am a little aprehensive as my sister has been in touch one that for many reasons I cut out of my life a long time ago saying she needs me that she's had a breakdown and needs my help I can't not see her as I couldn't live with that on my brain if anything happened to her but don't feel like I'm strong enough myself to be taking on more problems are ggghhhh x

Haven't been on for a while didn't realise it'd been so many days to be honest just busy with kids and work nothing to report really lol my boys sitting his sats at the min so been working alot with him preparing him for it (he struggles with school) and seems to have paid off as he's seeming confident and not moaned about them as yet touch wood .... Two weeks till holiday :0) spends saved bills paid life is good :0 ) who'd have thought it 80 days ago x

Nothing to report!!! I beg to differ. 80 days is a great achievement. Well done.

Stay strong

Thanks dez. .... well sats are over and this has to be the first time he's been confident and we've not had tantrums and pretending to be poorly am so proud of all my boys ..... 8 days till holiday :0) knowing everything is being paid these days has really put my mind at ease and the second job has been a life line I've set myself a goal of doing the two jobs for a year by then I should for the first time in my life have some decent savings which will ease things mentally ... I regret my gambling but had I not would I now be on the path I'm on today is and will be gamble free x