In July I decided that was it, my gambling days were over and it would be the start of a new life for myself and my family. I did not need to hit rock bottom to come to this decision however I had hit it before and did not want to hit it again.
After a heavy night out I woke up the next morning with a bookmakers docket with a squiggle on it that I could not read and I doubt the bookie could read either.it was a substantial bet and to this day I do not know if it won or not.
Normally I would be straight into town to check if it had won however I decided to throw it in the bin and this would be the last money the bookies gets off me. For over 100 days this was the case.
Life was never better, my debts were cleared, credit card was cleared and I worked hard to have a healthy bank balance and I also had a separate savings account with a good bit in it.
I had been on nights away with the wife, holiday booked for next year and I was as happy as I've ever been since I began gambling roughly 20 years ago.
For some reason on the 1st January I decided I fancied a bet and felt I could do one bet and leave it at that. I was wrong.
Now this is not a feel sorry for me message or a cry for help. This is a message to others that no matter how many days you don't gamble for, you are never cured. You are only ever one bet away from destruction.
In 10 days I have spent every penny in my bank, spent every penny in my savings account, maxed out my credit card.
Yesterday I managed to win all my losses back, I went on a winning streak and I could believe my luck. I had made a substantial profit and it was all worth it. I was invincible, however it was not enough. I needed more.
Fast forward 24hours and I have lost it all again. I can't remember half the bets I did to lose this or what I was thinking.its as if I was in a trance. I had no brain control to stop this. This is why I'm a gambling addict.
At the minute I don't know if the heartbreak I'm feeling is the fact that I have lost the money or the fact that I can't have a bet. I have came out of my trance and feel exhausted mentally and physically. I'm not worried about the money as I have everything I need for now until payday however I am worried that gambling may have a hold of me again.
Tomorrow I will start again and try and beat this horrible addiction. I know in 4 months time I can be back to where I was again and back in a good place. This may have been an expensive lesson however I have learnt I will never be cured however the illness can be managed.
I confided all this with a friend of mine who also suffers from gambling addiction and his response was comical yet influential also:
"Quitting is easy, I've done it loads of times".
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