I'm quitting for good

@willhebe 

It happened again... 

I went out and got drunk at the weekend and on the train home I signed up to a casino and had a bet...

I was immediately disappointed with myself after pressing deposit! Being P****d I didn't think of any of the reasons I am quitting and just went ahead and did it.

Anyway I put in £200 and got it up to a grand before losing all my profit and then once again managed to hit a grand last night. I had 2 opportunities to take 800 quid profit and run but still went back for more...

My overdraft would have been cleared had I just ignored my phone for the day and withdrawn but stupidly I placed a bet this morning which lost and over the course of the day have frittered it all away trying to get back to where I was. 

What the hell is wrong with me!?

I've banned myself from the site and will start over from midnight.

I really want this to be the last time. 

I'm going to install GamBan again even though I know how to remove it and just go again, it's all I can do. 

Prey for me cos this s**t sucks. I want out for good!

@d602n8icoj 

Well done for reinstalling GamBan. You may be able to get round it but it involves some effort. Like I uninstalled all my poker apps and betting apps. Yes I could easily reinstall them but it is some amount of effort where I have a few moments to think whether I really want to. I also self excluded from everything I could to make it harder to gamble immediately. I could find other sites but I don't because it involves more thinking. I can't load my computer or phone and click a few buttons without barely thinking and be gambling again.

More barriers = more thinking.

This is why some sites make it hard to withdraw. Because they know a lot of people can't stop if the money is still on the site. If you can quickly gamble because the money is on the site and all you have to do is login its a recipe for disaster. Its a system designed to take our money from us eventually.

If we had no problem stopping when ahead then we wouldn't have a gambling addiction.

I'm pleased you banned yourself from the site.

I had a lot of days like this asking why couldn't I stop when I was winning. Eventually I got counselling, realised I was never going to win and now I don't even want to go through the ups and downs. The highs weren't worth the lows. It wasn't worth the loss of time either. When I spent 8 hours gambling and at the end of it I had nothing there wasn't any benefit to gambling at all. I didn't even enjoy the highs anymore. I knew I was going to lose.

The only way to win is to stop gambling. My life is much better this last 233 days.

Thanks for reminding me why I quit. You can reach a month gamble free too. You might need some help but you can do it.

@willhebe 

Thanks for the reply. 

I feel so sick that I have done this to myself yet again. Knowing that only 7 hours ago I had £1000 available to withdraw and now jackshit is so crazy!

I think you're definitely right about the more barriers there are in place then the harder it is to relapse without thinking. 

I was doing so well and know I can do it!

Tomorrow I will go again and just keep reminding myself (no matter how much time passes) how this feels and has felt each time I have been here.

Had I not been tanked up this wouldn't have happened. 

I want anyone who reads this to know I will not f**k up again!

Day 1

So here I am again. Currently in the early hours of my very last day 1. As I write this I'm still not able to believe how stupid I was to continue betting instead of taking my xxxx (that I built up twice and that would have seen me overdraft free) and running with it but this needs to serve as a reminder as to why gambling isn't for me.

I knew it was a terrible idea before I placed the first bet (after winning it all for the second time) but for some reason I still did.

It stings that I have done this but I forgive myself and choose to move on. I most likely would have only ended up giving it all back eventually anyway as wins only reinforce the addiction and lead to future losses.

So yeah, back on the horse I get.

I look forward to sharing my success with you all as I kick this additions a**e from here on out.

This is the one.

I won't be posting anymore unless responding to comments or reaching significant milestones. 

What you won't see is any more failures.

Good luck everyone!

To me in future, 

Remember how this felt and why are you quitting. You can't just win and just walk away. 

The best way to win is to stay clean. 

@d602n8icoj 

Head up mate. You can do this, you were doing great, you can do it again for longer.

I know how it feels when you have had a drink and lose a bit of sense. As for what you said about not being able to take profit- we must learn the reason we have this problem is we can't just walk away. We always want more.

@hoofyboy 

Thanks hoofy, your reply means a lot.

I know I can do it, I just let myself down because I was drunk and wasn't thinking. Well it won't happen again.

You're absolutely right on that last point, it's the only way I can make any sense of why I continued to bet. 

Another month of scrimping and saving it is, but this will be my harsh reminder. 

Hope you're still going mate, I'll not be far behind you in time. 

We go again, for good this time!