is there any more to lose?

Morning 28!

Thanks for posting on my diary - it sounds like yesterday was a tough one for lotsof us.

I havent been into a bookies since i stopped. I think if i go into one i wouldn't be able to resist.

Don't worry to much about your slip. No damage done and it is understandable. These are depressing times...money, weather, darkness, no holidays etc etc.

But one ray of sunshine which had me dancing around the living room last night...pompey won and are through to the next round of the Cup 🙂

Keep going.

i actually had Coventry to go through. I guess it is nice Reading are winning (atm) against Liverpool. never would have guessed that one. in fact i'd have gone for reds win. at least that is more of my money which has been prevented from lining the bookies' pockets.

looks like my mum wants to move so may need more cash for removals and maybe getting few bits and pieces for new place. will deffo need to keep my car as no stations are nearby. will be under the cosh constantly finance-wise as it is. don't know how i will cope yet as my mum probably expects some contribution. i will be struggling with debt, bank charges, bill payment arrears etc alone. now i will have to consider removal charges too as well as valentines day.

suddenly things don't seem so rosy.

i replied to a fellow user's diary but turned the post into my own diary post which i'd like to apologise for! so i thought i better post it all on my own thread instead.

as i said, my daily living expenses for this month and next are not covered by the funds available to me. i am talking basic things like bills, travel, food, bank charges, emergency loan repayments etc. i have owed my sister £2k from 1 year ago. i promised time after time to start making inroads towards repaying this. she gave me some room to begin with but feels she has to push me now or she will not get anything back. her bf is on sick pay so money is tight for them both. i had let her down by not paying anything 2 months ago or during dec when i had made assurances that i'd give something.

during a nice run and a win on the machine i told her that i'd have no problems making a small payment to her. after i'd lost it i said it would be end of jan instead. i feel bad already as i said i'd pay £300 initially but then said it'd be £200 instead. i am determined to stick to this but that would put me under immense pressure to fob off payments elsewhere. still, she shouldn't suffer for my mistakes. i feel i should carry the burden and deservedly so. i don't know what to do yet about my situation. but i have got time at least to help me figure it out.

I understand your situ mate i have my own gf asking me when i am going to pay her back a sum of money that i borrowed from her last year and things are tight for her & her family too..I owe money to payday loan companies/credit card companies/overdrafts..u name it..but all we can do is contact the creditors and make small arrangements. If you need urgent money you could try a payday loan ive done this before however i would only recommend it in an extreme emergency. let me know if you need a chat mate.

Sorry you are struggling 28 black. The worries of all the debt we get ourselves into through gambling is enough to send us back time and time again thinking we can win our way out of our troubles. If you are like me i have got so used to losing all my money,despairing over how to get through the month, borrowing, losing again. In the end it just becomes a way of life that is so hard to change. I think i am at rock bottom now and determined to change this cycle. Do you think you have hit rock bottom yet? Nobody can tell us to stop gambling we can only do it when we are ready. I used to tell myself over and over again that this is the last time but something has finally changed in me and i think i will do it this time. I hope your sister will be understanding with you and be happy with what you can afford to give her, even though you will probably be harder on yourself than she is. Be strong and try and stay away from the gambling. Take care 28 black

hey doc. i am afraid i am on the payday loan route already. nearly every month this year i have been paying £115 in charges to this company. last year (2008) i had 'only' used them 3 out of four months and not for the full allowed amount. this year (2009) i have gone full whack every month bar maybe one month. every month is an apparent emergency.

my only options left are -

sperm donation and organ donation! i might have to find extra work but then i'd be working 24/7 and my gf will wonder why i still have no money to show for it.

appreciate the offer of a chat mate. it is a lonely world being an addict in recovery. i remember when i was at uni 9 years ago. everyone would be typing essays in the IT rooms and i would be logging onto a betting site. be careful you don't follow our footsteps mate. its a hard road back to being clean. drop me a line should you need to get something off your chest.

keep strong

g

been 5 days since i have posted. been keeping busy but have been feeling anxious for some reason. probably been trying to avoid thinking about how to deal with the forthcoming money issues i shall be facing. 10 days until payday. scary.

well done for not gambling in those days black. . . Dont take anymore payday loans ave been that route myself and its frightening the interest rates charged. . I got 3 (cheque cashing firms ) added to my other debts when i joined up to my debt management plan and still got credit from another payday advance loan firm. . Should my company find out i would be thrown out and dont want that to happen so parents bailed me oot again. .friends have also bailed me out. .thats what gets me down. . Yes payin back debts but mounting up with what i owe my parents. . Pay day will come and go mate. . Dont let it stress you out. Your doing great. Keep the fight up. .

Hi 28... last few days have been difficult for me personally so I have not had the motivation to log in and follow people's threads as I was doing beforehand, and yours was one I was following with particular interest. I update mine a couple of times but I think I post so much that people can't be bothered to read it so nobody has commented for ages!

Well, just speed read the last couple of pages of your dairy and wanted to just quikcly say before I go to bed.. "Keep going mate, you are doing so well.' That's the truth of it to. You really are. You strike me as a person with much inner strength, I feel it in your posts. I can identify with that because I too am like that, but only when I am in that frame of mind and now I am. I am going to take control of my life everyday from now on. I have made the decision that I am in control, not gambling - not anymore. You're on the same journey, as are many others on this site. WE WILL PREVAIL.

Goodnight, and sweet dreams. You have acheived so much, keep thinking about that. So have I and I will keep thinking of that too. Just wanted to share my thoughts before bed. I have had a cr** day today and felt really depressed but I got through it and I am going to bed determined to make tomorrow a much more positive day, and I will, as will you.

We are meant to be tested in life. Gambling is the easy road and that's why we took it for so many years. We are not giving in so easily this time round. We will work ourselves out of debt and problems and reap the rewards for doing so.

Best wishes,

Simon.

Hi mate, been following your diary silently since i joined the forum and justwanted to say keep up the good work mate. Ryan.

Hi 28

Thanks mate for your post on my diary, i ain't been on for a few days its all work, work, work at the mo.

You are right about these loan sharks they really take the P***

I'm in a similar situation to you what with payday now fast approaching. This will be my first since i kicked it all into touch so its gonna be a rough ride, but all this madness has to stop and i'm determined it does.

Keep battling mate i know you are having some very tough times at present, but you can get through this.

As you mentioned in your last post you are keeping yourself busy which is a good thing. We are all rooting for you in the days ahead and things will get easier for you as you begin to get things back into place

Takecare mate, keep strong and take it a day at a time.

All the best

hi 28black

thank u for welcome and post

so sorry new to this and i posted my message to u on my page instead of here so if u wish read it

wishing u well .....norma x

Hi 28,

Thanks for your kind comments on my thread. Not much more I can add other than what I already wrote in my last post.

Just keep cracking on, you're doing all the right things. Some days its a struggle, others it seems easier. I guess that's part and parcel for all of us trying to stop. When I feel weak I remind myself not only of the bad times and misery that gambling brought me (it was only ever short term pleasure for long term misery) but also that I gave into temptation because it was the easy route. That way I didn't have to work hard at anything; I didn't have to face any responsibility and I didn't have to care about others or myself. I could just drift off into my own little world where it was just me and the machine. How sad and what a loss of many years following that same 'script.'

Keep up the strength and keep posting. Going to update my own thread now with a few more thoughts for the day.

My best,

Simon.

I have not updated my diary for several days. To be honest I have had far more pressing things to deal with. My mum accepted a council flat on the housing list and we have had to move at short notice. Wasn't the wisest decision made by her but it was her choice and I have to live by it and support her. I am not able to get a place myself and need to rely on her for many things so cannot moan and show an ungrateful attitude.

Many things have gone wrong such as no electricity or gas being connected. Removal men messing us around. Family members letting us down and turning their backs on us not willing to help. The new place is in a dire state and we cannot move in properly yet but all our belongings have been moved. So I am sleeping on the floor of the old flat with no belongings there.

The only silver lining is that it has taken the thoughts of gambling away but it has been replaced by other stressful matters which is making me feel quite despondent.

It will be several more painful weeks before things are sorted but I hope that by then, things will be settled.

Take care all

hi guys

the move is proving to be as stressful as ever. many things have gone wrong. to top it all off, my mobile needs fixing, my car is playing up and the parts ordered are taking forever to arrive. a million things to do at short notice. on the upside, my sister has given us the use of her credit card to pay for various things so i am able to pay for things related to the move on that but it will also cover my other expenses which my wages won't for this month. next month there will be no pay day loan to pay back so i will be able to manage slightly better. still won't have much to leave in the wallet for myself but at least other stuff will be paid for. but all this depends on me not gambling of course. as i have said, there are many things taking their toll on me to distract me. i am totally drained mentally and physically so gambling hasn't crept into my thoughts much. but i did have a self-destructive moment midweek when everything was going wrong. i felt hopeless and thought of smoking, drinking and gambling to take me away from my troubles. luckily i did not give in. i spent the evening watching man u vs city in a betting shop as i had nowhere else to go. new flat has no electricity or gas set up when it was supposed to and all my things had been packed up and moved there. but i enjoyed the match along with other punters who were probably as skint as myself and did not have any financial interests tied to the match.

i have been painting, cleaning, moving items etc non-stop. am shattered but hopefully i can relax soon. i am so looking forward to it.