is there any more to lose?

Hi 4D & Jeff

Thank you for the kind messages. It is good to see you making positive progress in this fight. We seem to have shared many similar issues in our lives. I had suffered from depression too and although that was overcome, I am not sure how much of it had actually left my life. Or was I simply just sticking my head in the sand and filtering those dark emotions with excess and self-destructive behaviour?

I had gambled since I was 18/19 and the first time it had escalated into sizable amounts already. There was no thrill in playing where nothing big could be lost or gained. As my life deteriorated, I learned to stop all my other excesses but thought that gambling is the least harmless and could actually benefit my life as I had a successful stint when I gambled 'properly'. However, the inevitable happened and I lost it all. I was used to success and large wins so going back to playing for fun was not possible. The wins came but they were sandwiched in-between massive losses. Then life became damage limitation. But that wasn't very successful and it was just a matter of survival. But with every passing month, my life descended further into trouble.

I am not sure how I am at the moment. I can't really gauge my progress until I conquer pay day. Emotionally I am uptight and prefer to block out everything rather than face people/situations and life in general. I am in a cocoon and only a big win gives me the courage to step out of it.

Regards

Gee

Hi gee

We ex-gamblers feel alot like you during this period.The debt and deceit,i just want to stay under the covers.One of the possitive things we can do, is to have stopped gambling.And slowly start to take control of our futures.It will take time and our lifes will improve greatly.Like me you have come this far....we just have to continue.

Best Wishes

micheal42

Hi michael and all others reading this,

pay day is fast approaching. just over a week away for me. thoughts of gambling are slowly creeping in. i saw a fellow gambler i had not seen in ages who was on a machine in the bookies as i walked past. i decided to walk in and to say hello. this was a pointless thing to do as he was not a friend so i do not know why i went in. anyway, i watched him play for around 20 minutes. he explained that he was on annual leave for 2 weeks and had nothing to do. i thought it was very pathetic to spend your holiday in a bookies. but as i watched i saw his winnings rocket to a grand in no time at all. he was a very lucky gambler who did not look like he knew what he was doing as his bets were very untidy with 20p's covering numbers which were pointless in a £100 bet. nevertheless he won and in the past i had always seen him win and the shop managers could testify that he won loads from them. this caused me to feel very envious. the urge inside me was flooding back. he took his winnings and said 'see you tomorrow'. i thought to myself, 'no chance.'

seeing him had made me very angry and bitter. he always talked about money and told me about his wins. this just fuels the jealousy and disdain for his greed. so i thought, why bother associating with these people. the only connection is gambling. they are not friends.

home life is a bit monotonous so again it makes me fed up with things. my only reprieve seems to be going to the gym so i am glad that i have got that. seems that not gambling is just as hard as living with all your money gambled away.

all the best

gee

Dangerous situation you put yourself in 28B,hope it doesn't fuel an urge in you to gamble with your payday approaching.....,one thought i will leave you with is this,the bloke may have won today,i am 100% certain that he will do his bo**ocks in the long run,it's literally impossible to beat a machine that will only pay out 91%....,don't know if your aware but these FOBT's are all controlled from one central server,and every bet you place is continously monitored by the staff in the shop who view every bet you place on a monitor.Stay strong!!.

Seano

Hi G

Good to see you are staying strong.

Ive got to agree with seano ,im certain he will blow the lot. To be honest with you G most gamblers will only tell you the stories of their wins not how much they have lost.

Because you watched this person win it will mess with your mind.Please dont be taken in by the win.Its very rare and remember we cant walk away.All the best Jeff.

blackie boy. . .

blackie boy. . .You dont need to hope one day you walking same path as myself and others. . You ARE walking the same path my friend. . Keep it going you can do it. . We all can.

Morning guys

It really was a negative thing to do to walk into that shop to watch someone win on the machines. Although I am certain that the guy wins a lot more than he loses, that should have no impact on me and my decision to quit. For every winner there has to be a loser to pay for his winnings. I had nothing to gain from going in. I have watched people lose thousands, OAPs lose their pensions, blokes lose their wages and unable to feed the family, yet I always returned despite witnessing these tragic outcomes. An alcoholic doesn't go to a pub if he wants to quit drinking so why am I still going into a bookies to watch strangers on a machine? It's the weekend and I am feeling slightly upbeat. Hope it can last.

Hi 28black

Just read your last post about going into the bookies to watch someone play. One line really stood out to me that you wrote:

he was a very lucky gambler who did not look like he knew what he was doing as his bets were very untidy with 20p's covering numbers which were pointless in a £100 bet.

To me, this sentence sounds like the gambling demon talking...the reason I say that is that the part in bold suggests that part of your mind thinks it has a strategy for winning. I think all of us have thought that at one time or another. There are a couple of issues with this,

1. Now I personally don't know about the FOBTS as I never played them, however, my addiction was online slots. Slots of any kind are DESIGNED to provoke the mind into attempting to discern a pattern where there is none. Someone on here (I think it is Graham) has a link to an article which investigates the neurological activation in the brain when playing one-armed bandits, it is an eye opener. I will have a look to try and find it again and post it here.

But where our minds think they see a pattern, the cg in us thinks they can design a winning formula....thats how we get suckered in...

(edited to put this link in: apologies as I can't remember who originally put it on here)

http://www.boston.com/news/gl…08/19/your_brain_on_gambling/

2. The random nature of gambling means that yes we WILL win if we play constantly, and sometimes we will even be "up"...like your friend we might even be able to walk away. But there is something about having that money in the bank, in processing, in your pocket that does something to a cg I think. When we are anticipating a win I think that tense period is fuelling the addiction - when we actually have the win there is a buzz followed by a numbness.Did you ever feel that? I know I did. I thought it was what I wanted, told myself I would DEFINITELY be walking away next time I was 'up' but what happened, I could not. I do think this is because crazy as it sounds it is not about the money. Whatever we win it will never be enough. Like Stumper says we cannot stop. Yes I have chased losses but I have chased wins as well, chased until it was all gone and more. I was actually thriving on the adrenalin buzz of feeling like I was on the 'edge' of a win, the money meant nothing (until the next day when my mind returned and I actually realised how much money I had spent, money I could not afford). By watching others play maybe you are still trying to get that buzz by proxy, a bit like methodone instead of heroin? Its still feeding that demon.

One last thought. My thing was never the bookies but the "female friendly" bingo and slots online sites. Every game has a community chat room alongside. I used to think this was a good (well, innocent) thing - that the online sites were just trying to recreate the social atmosphere of bingo halls. Now I am not so sure. Because the more rationalisations our mind can come up wih (like: "I just go on there to chat to my friends while I'm playing") the more we can hide from ourselves the fact that we are deep in addiction. It's not really a community thing is it, gambling? Like you say, if your 'friend' wins then they will have to rake in more money from you...subconsciously all gamblers are in competition with each other and feel envious.

Well I will leave it there as waffling a bit now. I wanted to tell you that I think you will be able to get through a pay day without gambling. You will do it eventually just to prove something to yourself. And when you do, you will wish you had done it sooner - so why not save yourself some time and make it the NEXT payday???

Take care,

4D

Thanks for the post 4D

It must have taken you some time but it is extremely insightful. Yes, I cannot agree in that the games are totally random. Anyone can win or lose. If I had gotten a penny for every theory or systems from observers whilst I was on a machine, then I'd be a very rich man.

Yes, there is no strategy for guaranteeing a win but I was trying to apply some logic and incorporate probabilities into my bets. They still went wrong but it was something I could try to exploit. 10 consecutive red numbers may mean that the next is likely to be black. But in reality it is 48%. But the law of averages prompts you to bet on black. But such is the random nature, anything can happen and eventually does and inevitably sends me up the creek.

And during those win streaks, I have just found myself playing continually because confidence increases and I find that luck goes on a run but then it suddenly evades you. Also, having masses of money means you can play with increased stakes to maximise winnings. Whereas when funds are low, you have to take bigger risks to win the same level of winnings and usually you lose it all. Again, when you lose for days in a row, you expect that the law of averages will even itself out in your favour. You will win, but in trying to chase the massive losses, you will find that you will start to lose again before reaching your target.

I do not understand the thought process behind watching others play on the machines however. I must be getting something from it but I do not know what. I don't get the same joy as I am not winning anything. But perhaps we all want to see others fail against the machines like we have.

got paid today. 1hr 20m left before i go home. can honestly say that i was not tempted at all. there was a few seconds when i wanted to buy a big lunch for myself and thought i could win it and pay for takeaways at the weekend too. but that moment passed and i sat in the office through my lunch. i did venture out later for some fresh air and i didn't even head towards the direction of the bookies. normally i would at least walk past to look through the windows but not today. i do not know how i am finding it so simple but that is the way it has happened today. i have been focused on going to the gym lately and have been chatting to people i have not spoken to in a while. some of these friendships are perhaps unhealthy. not related to gambling but a couple are past flings that i have had. although nothing has arisen from these chats, a bit of flirting continues which is probably ill-advised given that we have all moved on. just makes me wonder whether i am addicted to self-destructive thrills to avoid the mundane reality of life. if its not 1 addiction then its another.

good positive last post blackie. . Just checking in on your diary as its few days since you posted. . Hope all is well and your continueing to abstain. . Best wishes. . wp.

hi wp and others

been a few weeks. been a mixed month really. did not gamble in the first week. no real urge. but left alone in town one day with time to kill. had spent a bit of dosh on essentials and thought i could try and recoup the cash on machines. my best number came in first spin. from there onwards it went downhill. drew out more cash and ended up losing a hefty sum. have lost quite a bit but have managed to pay all my bills, not needed to calculate budgets to make sure i don't get o/d. have not resorted to payday loans. also i have not been in to bookies during tea breaks or at lunchtime even just to watch. after my loss it was bad but i didn't get the same level of despair or gloom in my emotions. i think it was because i lost a big amount, but it did not clean me out. and i did not want to put in any money that i needed to live on. so not a successful month but not the big disaster it usually is. onwards and upward i hope.

oh dear blackie. . Time and money is massively dangerous to ourselves mate as you ve showed. . .I think you should post more regulary mate even one line a day may be the slightest help. . Not disastrous you said but just think how much you d have if you kept that cash in your pocket. .Keep going you can do it mate

yea i know. time alone, being left idle with spare money often only leads to 1 road. although i am not dwelling on it, i shouldn't feel so blase about my loss as that could lead to another repeat next month. whilst i may not lose my whole wages, several hundreds a month is still damaging.

cheers

g