Journey to a redefined life

Day 14

I changed my work schedule that fits me better. I will start working at midnights when things are quiet and peaceful. That way I can get some time to hang out or to relax at home during the day times. Recently, I started hanging out more and exercising more. Today I got the numbers from a girl at the gym. I don't know how it will go. But things get a lot healthier since I stopped gambling. What do I get from gambling? depression, anger, broke, suicide at the end? It is simply a downward spiral.

Nice post Bryan and well done on 2 weeks pal, sounds as if by hanging out and exercising more, you have a healthier mindest. Yes gambling does bring you all those things and has done with me anyway and yes suicide for some of us in the end but let's not think about that, we have one life and we are all trying to do something about it, we deserve to have a good, long life without the distruction addiction brings, whether it be gambling, alcohol or drugs or anything else, addiction is an illness and it destroys millions of lives.

Have a good day keep up the postive thoughts, very hard I know.

Wilsy

Thank you, Wilsy. We are living with an addiction. We can't get rid of it completely so we have to control it not to let them come out sneakily again and destroy our life before we know it.

Day 15

I went out to hang out and to exercise again. I think my episode of depression is about to be over this time around. I am feeling it because I started being less tired and enjoying my usual activies again (maybe because I stopped gambling too.) Like gambling addiction, I have to live with depression for a long time. Only that I have to educate myslef more and to learn how to cope with it.

Anyway 15 days since the last time I gambled. I am more active, trying to accept losses and thinking positively (at least I try). I hope I will never suffer again from this gambling desease in the rest of my lifetime.

Day 16

I became more active and happier. But there are times when I am not busy and I have tendency to get depressed and lonely. So that is a good reminder that I need to set goals and to get busy. My long term goal is to save up money for several months as I stay gambling free and I am enjoying my life as well because it doesn't make sense to go through these several months suffering and hurting as the result of gambling and depression. My another goal is to build my self-esteem (I need to google for how to build self-esteem.)

I imagine that to stay gambling free is failrly easy for me at least for these few months but until I have saved up my money again I might have low self-esteem and depressed sometimes even though I try not to. I hope everything is okay with me and I hope I enjoy my life and see the postive things happening in me and around me. I hope...

Day 17

Checking myself in here actually helps with me avoiding small gambling like buying a lottery ticket or a scratcher knowing that I need to keep it clean and straight.

So this is my day 17 of gf. I am a bit bored and time passes so slow. All I do is looking forward to the weekends and hangouts. But during the week days I need something seriously to keep me focused and occupied like goals.

Day 18

I was thinking earlier ‘oh let me gamble to forget the losses.’ But who am I joking?! I maybe am poor for now but in one year I will save up some money again.

Now I have a crush. I think she is out of my league. But she has started texting me for two days. So I assume she wants to be friends with me at least. But I am scared to make a move.

Day 19

I exerciesed a lot. And ate out for dinner (I got my appetite.) And slept soundly. Now I woke up and ate some leftover. I am not feeling 100% happy and perfect now but I am drifting away slowly from horrible gambling habit and its consequences and I feel healthier both physically and mentally. The losses are the great reminder and a great lesson to me not to gamble again in the future when I have saved up much much more!

Day 20

Same motto. I will save up some money again in one year. Meanwhile, I will enjoy my life.. at least I will try to.

Day 21

Writing and reading in the forum and counting my gf days became one of my favorite passtimes. So here I am on day 21. I am glad with what I have got so far.

I have been exercising and hanging out at least two days a week. A YouTube video suggests that exercising is equivalent to taking antidepressants. Yes I am still living with depression. It’s been on and off.

Day 22

Recently, a few employees got fired at work for different reasons. It’s a good reminder to me to appreciate what I am having. As long as I behave well and am consistent at my work, I will have some saving later on. Also I try to exercise before work and get some sweat. It is working out so far. If I want to be positive I have all the good things going on in my life. But my depression makes me think differently sometimes.

I realized I love to write things down. So I may write down the little tasks I accomplish during the day. I love the feeling of accomplishment.

2Day 23

This writing in here became therapeutic to me. It helps me to get things off my chest and also helps me organize my thinking.

So... I didn’t exercise today. I wish I did. I am trying to exercise four or five days a week.

I received my paycheck yesterday. That’s the beginning of my saving journey. I will behave well at well and start saving more by keeping my job.

Since yesterday I started writing the small tasks I have accomplished during the day.

I am still living with depression and loneliness. It gets better when I exercise and hang out with friends.

I still think about gambling losses and still blame myself sometimes. But it’s better to learn that lesson early like right now than when I have saved a lot of money and lose it all in the future. I will just think it is just a past expense and I learn a good life lesson from that expense.

My three big goals are:

1. Not to gamble again

2. To save money (be consistent with work)

3. Improve self esteem and find a way that helps my depression and loneliness.

Day 25

It feels like a long time ago since my last relapse. Positive thoughts and negative thoughts are fighting everyday.

At the end of this year I expect to save at least 5k. I want to start travel more. I will start dating again. I will find my motivation in completing small tasks. The past losses are just some expense I used somewhere. I will be okay. It is and will be a good reminder to me not to gamble again. I will save up my money again and again eventually anyway. So I will enjoy my life while seeing my money grows in saving account.

Day 26

Generally, not in a good mood. It might be depression again. But I went out to exercise and to hang out. I have been doing breathing exercise too.

Hi Merlins,

depression is horrible isn't it, i suffer and can just strike at anytime, you are right to exercise and to hang out, don't let depression consume you like it has for me alot, keep on top of it best you can, hard I know.

Congrats on 26 days GF that's some achievement to be proud of

Wilsy

Thank you, Wilsy. How do you deal when you are depressed? How is your depression now?

Day 27

Again, I am not that feeling well in general. Still I went out to exercise and ate out dinner after exercising. However, I will rest for next a few days. I don't want to have these feelings but I am still dealing with empitness inside and lack of motivation. I am taking it one day at a time. At the end of this year, I will be more active with travelling when I save up money again. Hope I will be okay.