Hi mate, my depression hits me hardest through hearthache or from being hurt, I'm avoiding relationships at present, trying to avoid negative and hurtful people and by simply trying to get into a routine whereas I protect myself better. I am just working, then going home, making sure I eat something, attend my pets then get into bed and watch a film or something on TV, I often turn my phone off as well. At the moment I am in a better place, the medication works and I am getting lots of rest. I am still along way from wanting to go our and socialise or exercise, for now I am just comfortable being by myself and not gambling for 140 days has helped massively. You will get there.
Don't put yourself under too much pressure take things slowly, if you push yourself too soon or too hard you will break. I still lack motivation to do housework and washing up etc, just try and find some peace with yourself.
Well done on 27 days, think of the future and don't worry about the past.
Wilsy
Thanks, Wilsy, for telling me about your situation. I am sorry to hear about your heartache. I imagine it can be related to your past relationships. It seems you are okay with your routine so far. To me, I wonder if there is a permanent way to eliminate depression. At the beginning of relapses, I was excited and happy but I always ended up being stressed out and depressed so that is not a good way to deal with depression. I am thinking to date but I can feel the pressure from a relationship considering I am depressed.
Day 28
I am glad I have not been betting for 28 days. I still have some regrets on the losses but I always tell myself the losses are the past expenses and I can save the money up again eventually. And I remind myself to enjoy life.
I decided to work midnight shifts. The nights at work are mostly quiet. I think this is what I need for now to reevaluate my life and to find some peace. I hope I will be happy.
yes mine is worsened by mistreatment in relationship, lost family and lost pets. I believe I have suffered depression since I was about 14, don't think you'll ever get rid of it sadly but it sits dormant or is less prominent when our lives are better with less stress and heartache, just try and find a routine that suits you and shut out any negative people or situations, don't gamble and you'll find your mood will lift and the depression will subside.
Good luck with it all my friend, be patient
Wilsy
Wisly: I think you kind of enlightened me. I noticed I was depressed since young. Only that it was not prominent because I didn’t have stress as a kid and grew up in a supportive environment. The stress hit me since I was 20 when I moved to a city and I had to grow up. I was completely lost on everything and depressed. I failed at school, social life and rejections from girls dug the hole deeper. I am only surviving because of my parents and a sport that I am good at.
Day 29
It has been raining a lot. I have to be careful when I drive. Also my stomachache was bothering me and I couldn’t sleep well yesterday. But work at midnight is very peaceful and doesn’t give me burden or stress. So it is a plus of working midnights.
I don’t feel like gambling but I have a lot of free time and I don’t have any interesting things to do mostly. That was also the main reason of past relapses.
So I’d rather line up the positive things happening to me right now.
Day 30
I am drowsy and tired now because of the sleeping pill I took yesterday. For tonight, I will focus on the little things to do and I will keep myself occupied. One big part of being depressed is lacking motivation so I think it is a good idea to start small and to put interest in something. I think I will be okay.
Day 31
Lack of motivation strikes me everyday. For today, I will focus on breathing exercise. It relaxes my body and calms my mind. In addition to breathing exercise, I will play some chess games.
I have been working overtime a few hours every other weeks. It’s not a lot but it adds up in the long run. I don’t have a big ambition but I won’t gamble again when I save up money again and when I am bored.
Hi merlins,
I am very inspired by your journey so far and hope I can be as strong as yourself. Hope you kick the addiction pal
Hi Henchie,
I am strong because of the choice I made on the day I cleaned up my saving about 30 days ago. On that day, I was deeply depressed but at the same time I put things into perspective. If I keep gambling, I might eventually end up killing myself due to consequences gambling produces. So I decided to go the different direction, which is a simple life that I don’t gamble but at the same time peaceful and enjoyable. And I thank you for coming up with a compliment for me. Good luck to you.
Day 32
I woke up after only a few hours sleep. And I felt heartache after thinking about my past relationship. So I decided to call my friend to eat and to hang out. I felt a lot better after doing so.
At night at work, my coworker was reminding out of no where... that I am still young and if I mess up in my life, I can still fix it. She didn’t know my gambling losses but her message to me gave me some courage while I am dealing with gambling losses. Yes... I can still fix my problems and I can lead myself to a better life.
Day 34
I saw my ex girlfriend. My heart is aching so much. What is wrong with me all the time. Depression and heartache hurt my soul and my willing to survive. I think it’s time to gamble again to numb myself.
Day 35
Yesterday, I suffered from a heartache. I slept it off. Whenever something like that happens, I want to give up completely. Maybe my depression plays a part. It takes away my mental strength and put me back into dark side. I used to find an easy way out of it by gambling in the past. I am not going to this time. But still heartache is too much. I want to erase the memories from some parts of my life. All I am going to do right now is to find a dim of light and to keep walking towards it believing it could be the end of dark tunnel. I don't like how I am feeling right now. But I have to accept that it is happening and to find a slimmest motivation that is left in me to keep going forward.
Day 35 and half
I am being able to avoid so much pain and trouble by not gambling while I am dealing with some other unpleasant things and feelings. I appreciate being able to participate in this forum. This forum does a wonder to me not only to abstain from gambling but also helps me with my depression and personal problems by writing down in the forum. Hope I will be okay.
Day 36
Today is payday and I checked my checking balance. For a split second, I wanted to gamble when I see my small balance and when it reminded me how much I have lost.
I understand there are many dimensions in life I need to balance. Also I understand that to keep complaining about my life will not help me actually change my life. With that being said, I believe dominos effect plays a good part in everything happens in my life. Social anxiety, loneliness, depression, difficulty in relationship, heartbreaks and gambling problem. They are all related one another. What if I could stop the dominos effect somewhere, will I be better off? For example, eating healthy, sleeping well, taking care of my thoughts and improving my social skill will help me with my loneliness? If I am not lonely, I won’t be depressed, if not depressed, I won’t be gambling and so on. Today and now, I will start with being mindful with my thoughts that jeopardize my wellbeing. I won’t let the self destructing thoughts take over me today.
Day 36 and half
I have been working hard these days to make extra money. In six months, there will be a significant financial improvement. Until then I won't gamble. Until then I will not let the gambling losses to affect me negatively anymore. Until then I will be very strong.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
