Journey to a redefined life

Merlin you seem to be doing very well and dealing with what you are being given. In fact you seem very strong to me you have managed to outwit this gambling demon for 76 days despite everything else life is throwing at you.

That is a really good thing and you should feel a little proud at what you are achieving. Wishing you well

Thank you, samba79. I read your thread and am sorry about last relapse happens. I also have some thought to gamble right now because I am pretty much bored. I sincerely hope you are okay.

Day 79

I have some interesting things to do from time to time. But there are time gaps beween interesting things to do. In those times, I struggle a lot. Sometimes I think it will be nice if I am betting on sports.

Day 80,

On the day like this, I really think it will be nice to be betting to forget all I am feeling and to cheer myself up. Then, I look at the triggers that make me want to bet again. I am already a disabled so mostly I am home. Yesterday, I started working out. So today I am feeling pain in my body. Also I have depression.

Anyway, I went out to eat and got myself a coffee. When I got home, I took a painkiller. With all these happening, I am worried that I may gamble again.

Day 80

Sometimes somehow, I can forgive myself for gambling. I can appreciate the times it kept me occupied while deciding on which teams to bet on and watching the games. I think this part I struggle the most.. I am bored most of the time with my life and it feels my life is dull and lacks excitement.

Day 85

Most of the time in my room.. not being able to do the regular activities with friends nor to go to work due to my disability. But I still hang on to not gambling. It will be nice to gamble, though, to forget all the depressing thoughts. Honestly, it depresses me when I think of the things I have lost but it makes me feel better and inspired when I think of the good things that I might have in the future. So I will stay positive... becuause it makes my daily life a whole lots better by thinking positive.

Hi Merlins,

I hear what you are saying on the boredon front. I am even considering learning a new launguage. Who knows but there will be something we find I am sure. Congrats on the 85 days, a great acheivement which keeps on getting better : )

Thanks, jamdownunder. I will find myself some motivation to do something.

Day 86,

Some urge to gamble because I am bored. All I want to do is eat because it makes me happy a bit.

Day 87

I am right now in the car at a shopping mall parking lot. Thinking about all things I have lost. Right now I am all alone and depressed. A casino is really close to where I am right now. It might be nice to gamble to forget all the bad feelings.

Day 88

I have been isolating myself for a while. However, I exercise at home. Most of the time, my battles are boredom and overthinking that often gets me into bad mood. But I fight against my thoughts with another better thoughts. I found two things helped me recently. First, it is something that I read online when you have a major depression, you have to be extremely gentle and kind to yourself like you do to a person whom you admire. Second, stretching helps me get out of bad mood. A moral lesson of the day is you don't need much sometimes but all you need is just a tiny piece that works for you.

Day 93

I am watching Liverpool Vs. Real Madrid final. It is entertaining and keeps me occupied but it makes me want to bet. Also I have been watching NBA finals. I am not going to give a lot of excuses myself to bet, though.

Day 94

Sometimes, I could really use gambling when I feel totally lost. Sometimes I just don't know what to keep doing with my life. The despeartion from people around you makes you feel more hopeless. But in reality you are okay as long as you don't go into self-destruction like gambling.