Let's GO!!

Hi Xenedra and welcome :))
I saw your footprints around the forum and wanted to respond to your post .

I think you definately have to try and occupy yourself especially in the early stages , there's a lot you could do , take up a new hobbie or class , a lot of people are into jigsaws and even some buy adult or kids colouring books , infact anything that takes your mind off things and distracts you when the urge to gamble comes visiting :)).

If I'm honest , I mainly concentrated on getting my business back into shape as all the years gambling had turned it onto a mess as I'd lost all interest in it , glad to say it worked and is doing well now .

If you want to put money aside it's down to you really , probably a good idea to put it out of reach for a while or give it to someone you trust to hold on to ? , I don't know how much you would gamble in a week but maybe put some aside and use the rest buy yourself a treat every now and again , there's nothing like a reward now and gthen to make you realise what your saving :))

Anyway just a quick stop by to say Hi and welcome , if you need any advice on other things then either post and someone will get back or contact Gamcare :))

Congrats on coming here and on your first day of many Gamble free :))
Talk to you soon !

Hi,

Thank you for replying. Pleased to hear that your bussiness is back on track. I do need a hobby, I have some but its always later evening until early hours that I came on line to gamble (online slots, sadly). So a difficult bit of time to fill.

To be honest, my weekly spending on gambling depended on if it was pasyday week, if I won anything or (most shamefully) when my daughters father paid his child support (again hit a miss during the month). I need somthing though. I read one guy on here puts a £1 in a jar a day. But this isnt anywhere near something that would be relative to my gambling spending.

Yes i am coming out of the shadows and trying to get involved in this wonderful community. Again late nights as I would be gambling...

Hello Xenedra and welcome to the forum!...

I'm very much the same as you mate whereby I would do most of my destructive gambling in the later part of the evening. I've never been a great sleeper and I don't often go to bed early enough as I would like.

I'm in the early stages of my recovery (Day 3) and I have been using my time at night to watch tv (comedies are a good thing to give yourself a laugh) and spend time on here reading through peoples diaries. It's amazing what pieces of advice you can pick up on here that could be relevant to you. It's also comforting to know (albeit sad at the same time) that there are others in the same boat as yourself and that you're not fighting this alone.

I personally put £1 in a jar for every day that I don't gamble.

Yes, it's nowhere near relative to what my daily gambling habits were either. But it's more a symbol rather than trying to actually collect money. Knowing that just 3 weeks gamble free can get you just over £20 to maybe treat yourself to something.

If you can afford it, you could always put more a day in a jar.

I've also downloaded a 'Quit' app that I refer to several times during the day. This tells you, second by second and penny by penny, just how much you have saved so far being gamble free. For example, I have been gamble free for just over 2 and a half days and I have so far saved £51.48. (I set my daily gambling to £20 a day which it was on average...).

Whatever works for you though mate. Everyone is different.

I'll probably start a new book tomorrow too and maybe go for a run at somepoint. Anything but gambling! I don't want to stomach those losses anymore. It's far too sickening!

I'm not sure how much my message has helped but you'll get plenty of support and advice from people on here.

Take care mate.

Hi Moorey63198,

Thanks for the reply. I on day 2 !! I think I will do the jar thing and like you say have it more as a symbol rather than a recoup (unless I have £18K to stuff in a jar....I dont sadly 🙁 )

I need to start reading again for pleasure but I have just finished my Masters this summer so I am fed up of books lol!!

God only knows how I ended up like this...I feel like I am physially withdrawing from gambling...it awful.

Whats your story? How long you been CG and what has made you want to quit? Intersted as it looks as thoigh we made the same decision in the same 24 hours !!

Take care of yourself also

By all means have a £1 jar but know that money will not make you happy or lead a fulfilling life.

From personal experience and the sense I get from 1000s on here. ...Addiction causes, or amplifies, a huge gap between who we want to be and what we are.

This gap itself is painful and causes further escapism through gambling or whatever (the painful reflection when looking in the mirror).

If you consider 'who u r' or 'what u stand for, we're really talking about what your values are.

So it's really a values gap. Except even worse, we lose sight of what our values even are.

I think it's worth considering clearly what your values are. Who you want to be and what you stand for. What qualities would you like people to say about you at your funeral?

You may or may not have done so before. I hadn't, as I guess I thought my values where innate (in so far as I ever thought about them).

But clarifying values is really useful to me.

Then start living according to your values. This is when you get all the mind stuff which tries to stop you going outside your comfort zone - about how you can't do it, you're not naturally good at it etc.

Say you always liked drama and acting (arghh phone dying will save and edit). You could join an am dram society. Your mind could tell you you're too shy, old, no time. How much of this is 'true '? Most of it is really self opinions which justify sticking to old, boring habits. But safe ones.

I found ACT useful for overcoming these self-limiting thoughts. Obviously you have done this through your studies? Now for other areas of life?

Louis

Hi xenedra

I'm on 22 days gf.

With the help of my husband I told my family and close friends it was really had in the beginning to face them but I'm so glad I did.

To fill my time I've started going walking with my friends it really helps to clear my head.

Reading the success stories on here helps me feel more positive and talking to someone when I'm feeling low or anxious.

It's only been 3 weeks but I'm feeling so much more positive about the future

My husband now as complete control over the finances which definitely helps me and it's nice when he checks the online banking and there's no bingo/slots on.

Xxxx

I am day 4 GF and I am so worried about pay day (25th August) weekend as well, I'll be having all the thoughts about 'deserving a gamble after a long month/week at work'.

I relapsed with my smoking this weekend! Totally gutted as hadnt smoked since 31st July! Im sure my brain is desperate for one addiction that will ruin my life (or health). oh well Monday tomorrow...fresh start and all.

Seeing my daughter turned out in all her new pony riding gear at a show today made me proud (bought it all with money id daved from not smoking, but would have been gone if I was gambling still).

I am still thinking of gambling all the time. But then when I actually give it more thought I feel disgusted and anxious.

Working on my 'gambling laptop' tonight and it feels so weird to see my work on it rather than the slots.

Also had a horrifying moment when my 7 year old daughter showed me a youtube advert for a popluar slot site and said ... 'look mum these are the games you are always playing when I go to bed...can I play one?' Shame went through me like a lightening bolt!

Anyone else had moments like this...

Best of luck to you Xenedra. You've got this! I too worry about self-rewarding myself with gambling on payday. Just take it one day at a time and think on payday how much better it'll feel to post here that we're still gamble-free instead of a rubbish quick fix gamble that we know won't lead anywhere but regret.

Hi Xendra . My advice if your worried about payday coming around is either put it out of reach or treat yourself to something other than gambling and remember that feeling you got from watching your daughter in her riding gear , that's honest hard earned cash that bought it and the money you save from not gambling means they'll be a lot more to come :)).

Of course your still thinking about gambling a lot , addiction's not going to let you go without putting up a fight now is it ? and something youve done day after day isn't going to dissapear from your mind overnight , I'm coming up for 2 yrs without a bet and it still visits me occasionally whispering in my ear but I now know where that leads us . straight back on a downwood spiral with nothing ever changing but it does get a lot easier with time , so stick it out , don't have the first bet and the second won't follow :))

Keep strong and stay on course :))

All the best

Hi, Thanks for replying.

Yes my plan is to withdraw anymore money than I need for my direct debts, that actually come out in the two days following pay day.

Makes me angry with myself that I cant just have my money like a normal person.

But seeing my bank statements with all the online gambling transactions makes me more angry with myself !!

Hi Xenedra,

Quite rightly, you are preparing for your payday; a time of potential weakness and making sure you don't buckle. Good thinking.

You've been looking at your bank statements and probably picturing the money you've lost in hard cash - it really brings a sharp intake of breath, doesn't it!

However ... let's look forward a month and imagine you haven't spent a penny on gambling and that money is STILL there, hard cash still in the bank, and, not only that, you've got another payday so there's money ON TOP of it - wow, that's a nice thought isn't it.

Here's another idea. Why not treat yourself to a great holiday and pay it off in monthly lumps - so what you'd normally 'lump' on the gambling is going on a treat you'll never forget when it comes round next year. You'll feel like you've spent the money still, but it's gone on something really good that you'll look forward to...

It's interesting when you say you can't have your money "like a normal person". Hey, I'm the same, I have passed control of my money over the other half. It is a shame, but I've accepted it. We're still normal, y'know, just that, well, we're 'wired' a bit differently, that's all, but it isn't going to stop us enjoying life eh!

Good luck with the next few days Xenedra. We're all rooting for you and if you feel weak, just dive on the forums and post. The 'feeling' will soon pass and we'll soon put you straight 🙂 keep you on the straight and narrow 🙂

All the best

Mixer

Thank you!

It does feel good to have the support from here!!

I'm going to try really hard over the weekend but so worried! And it's so strange as I bloody love payday usually.

i added up the gambling transactions and I spent more that I earned in the last 30days, how terrible is that?! I don't actually know how I lived?!

It's strange, Xenedra, how much money is spent on gambling when in the 'zone'. The irony is that gamblers are excellent money managers aside from the money lost - amazing how good we are at seeking out value! (What we're spending on non-gambling stuff is minimal!)

So when we stop, go GF, we get even MORE out of our spending because we have an innate sense of value!

Another reason to go GF Xenedra.

And here's an interesting thought. Think about what you could have bought with HALF the money you lost last month and ... BUY it! Would you have bought that item/those things/put it down on that holiday normally? Just a thought 🙂 !

Thought il definitely consider! But like you say, I am so careful with money any other time aside gambling. I mean I stood in boots about 2 weeks ago for ages debating whether to get a new electric toothbrush as mine is on it s way out (and I couldn't go back to a normal brush) lol they were on offer so caught my eye...£25.99 for a bloody good one...talked myself out of it as in 'ooo can I justify £25 on something for me, what with school uniform etc coming up'

Later that night lost £370 on the slots in about 2 hours (amount included uniform money) 🙁

I mean?! What is that? Where is the logic? Why can I Throw money at that each night but can't buy a new toothbrush I actually need?!?!