Let's see how it goes.

Just finished reading your posts Dannyp.
Gambling can really take us to hell and back.
You've had a difficult week. I hope this is the start of recovery for you and you get stronger from this moment on .
Sending you a bucketful of strength to help you on your way.
Take care.

Thanks for your support and words Little Miss Lost, god knows I need it.

Hey HL thanks for your words too, I know I've destroyed everything I just couldn't see it at the time. I will literally do anything to prove to her that she can trust me and in time I hope she can. I've already set the ball rolling for counselling and GA, and I've read a lot of posts about how some people aren't suited to 1 or the other but I will give both a go and be honest with her and myself, as long as I've got her supporting me I know I can defeat absolutely anything, my worry is if I don't. Right now it's not about me but about her, I really hope she is ok because I hate myself for what I have done to her and I've never felt so low. I'm trying to draw strength from the fact that it's out now and there are no more secrets and I'm well into day 5 without a bet. To be honest with you, hearing her voice last night when I told her....I could never do this again it broke my heart. She can have anything she wants, she has a lot of things going on, studying, working full time as well as looking after the house and kids while I work away. I've told her if it's too much then I will still do the bills and transfers but I want her to have full access to everything so that she can log on at anytime and see exactly what is going on. I've began to write all of our accounts on a list with the logins and passwords so that she can see them anytime she chooses and I also aim to apply for new cards so that she can open them and keep them safe (the reason for that is so that I can still use them to balance transfer and keep the interest at 0%). Regarding the debts, right now they are managable while I am working and because of my job I may be able to pay half of them off by around April/May time, I just hope I'm right with my calculations. All of the debts are in my name, i would never dream of taking anything out in hers which I know a lot of people have done and the kids money etc is still in the same place. My problem was my high avalable balances on my credit cards which I aim to cut up 1 by one as the balances clear and the rates drop. I may look at DMP in the future but for now I'm not sure I'll qualify because I'm not struggling or in arrears with anything it's just taking up a large amount of income.

She has told me today that she will help me through it but she's not sure if we can recover from the lies and deceit, I know I've destroyed her world and to be honest I don't deserve a woman like her, but to know she'll be there for me means the world to me. I only hope I can prove to her how much I want to repair this and how sorry I am.

Hi Dan no need to feel sorry for me about my split, i wish it never came to it but if I'd got away with it again I know for sure I would be back gambling now. I would of started of my married life gambling and it would of been an even bigger mess than it was.

I'm delighted your wife is going to stick by you, were not bad people deep down we just made some horrible choices you've got the chance to make some good choice now for you and you're family. When you next see your wife follow half life advice about the questions be open and honest and calm

It's good that you can manage the debts and step change or pay plan may not be what you need but are worth calling as they can give you and your wife good advice

If you follow through on the things you have said you will do you can turn it around for you and your family.

You say you're going to hand over the financial control, but seem to suggest to ease the pressure on your wife you will still deal with paying the bills. I used that excuse a few years ago and then proceed to manipulate the situation which eventually ended with me blowing the wedding fund and getting into more debt by chasing. If you can let her deal with it would be better but if for what ever reason that's not possible at least try and involve her and do it together. Doing it that way would be another good way of showing how serious you are going to take this.

GA has played a massive part in my recovery I see you are looking to go, don't delay, I know you are working away that's does not mean you can't find a meeting local to you in the next few days, we often have a guy who comes to our meeting when he is in this area and attend others all over the country It's working for him he's not had a bet for over 5 years.

I'm not trying to pick holes on your plan but you seem like you want to make this happen, if you put as much effort into beating this as you did to get the next bet on you won't go far wrong. It's as simple as not placing the first bet, avoid that one and the second and third will never come.

Keep posting on here it helps and keep reading the diaries you will little gems of advice and support in them.

KTF

Good to hear your wife wants to support you.
Sounds like you really are determined to turn things around. Stick at it, be honest and open, take all the help you can and put all blocks in place then hopefully you'll be able to have a wonderful future with your wife and family.
All good wishes.

Well day 5 has ended badly. The bubble has burst and I'm back to my low point. 5 hours ago I thought everything was going to be ok, my wife was going to help me through it and I was saved (Knowing she is there will stop this). Apparently her dad was going to help us get out of this mess and help her deal with the finances which is what I would prefer. Since then we spoke on the phone and she has demanded to know how much I've lost/owe through gambling, I told her that I would rather discuss this face to face but she insisted. I told her and that's it, she can't be with me anymore. I don't blame her and to be honest it was what I expected but that's it now I've literally lost everything. I work away for 3 weeks and then have 3 weeks home, I'll be returning in 9 days and I have been told that I am not welcome home other than to pick up my clothes. I'm definitely not making her out to be some bad person because she isn't, she's still going to help me with finances and support me and that just goes to show the kind of person she is, to think that even though I have done this (lied, hidden things, caused arguments, made things out to be her fault) she is still going to be there for me albeit not in the way I had hoped. She truly is the most amazing woman in the world I just wish I showed her that. I can only imagine how I would react if she had done this to me, I would be angry beyond words and I certainly wouldn't be taking any s**t from her but I can't live without her so I couldn't walk away or ask her to leave, she's a much stronger person than me, she can and will cope without me and I need to accept that now. I'm 2 days away from a week and I'm looking forward to hitting that milestone however that's nothing to be proud of. I should be saying 35 years GF then maybe I wouldn't have destroyed everyones life. I can go 7 days, 7 months a year without putting a bet on, that bit is easy it's once I put that 1st bet back on. After seeing the destruction I have caused I have learnt one massive lesson and I know for a fact this has scared me from ever gambling again.

Dan not the post I wanted to see. Don't give up hope yet. Allow her to take it in. It's going to be a massive shock for her. I'll be honest I'm pleased your father in law is not going to bail you out that would not help. You have said the debts are manageable and can be cleared in 6 months. Is that not the case?

One thing for sure is don't use this as an excuse to go and have another gamble that will not help the situation.

Try and get some sleep and over the next few days continue to put the things you have mentioned into place and try and keep the dialogue open with the wife if you cannot get back to discuss it face to face.

KTF

To be honest it's not the post I wanted to put up Oldham, part of me really thought that we would be together forever and in 10 years time my wife would say to people "my husband had a really serious gambling problem, but he got himself sorted and paid everything off and we are as strong as ever" Looks like I'm just another failure to add to the list, one who has let his family down and ripped them apart. I really don't know how I'm feeling, to know that she knows everything is a relief and I'm glad I don't need to carry that around with me anymore but it's strange sitting here knowing I've lost everything, let eveyone down, and hurt the 3 most important people in my life. I need to add this isn't about self pity because I don't deserve that more guilt and remorse. Her Dad bailing us out would have helped if she was in control of the finances, all my cards would be cut up, I'm in the process of emailing all the betting sites I come across asking for a lifetime ban due to my addiction and without the interest I could have paid things off much quicker. The payments right now are managable with the job I have but I'm a contractor and who knows when that can change, but by April I could have not all but a large chunk of it paid off.

I won't be gambling and that's because I don't want to, I haven't seen my wife yet but hearing her upset over the phone has destroyed me. If that isn't a good enough reason for me not to gamble I don't know what is. Don't get me wrong I wan't to stop gambling but I want to show her that i want to aswell and I want to do it for her.

Sleep is something I am struggling with now maybe 3-4 hours a day, I'm on nightshift which isn't helping but this is my hardest part of the night, everyone sleeps and I have no-one else to talk to. I will continue to message my wife because I love her and that will never stop but I'm scared I push her to far. She has told me that she loves me and that she will be there to help me through this, that will be harder if I'm not in the family home but I'll do whatever she says afterall I'm in no place to demand anything. I hope she is there for me though because I know for a fact that I can't do this without her.

Hi Danny,

Just had a read through your earlier posts and your diary and it would appear we are in a very similar situation and I can totally relate to the feelings you are having.

I, like you am married to the most amazing woman and have 2 beautiful children. About 4 years ago I confessed to being in debt through gambling and was told that it could never happen again, I got lucky that time. Unfortunately we never put the correct blocks in place and I am now thousands in debt through gambling. I am now in a position where I am fairly close to the debts (all on credit cards) being unmanageable and I will have to seek help in paying off my debts. I have done a fair bit of research regarding which is the best way forward. The one thing I haven't done yet though is drop the bombshell to my wife.

I don't eat or sleep great and have now put off telling my wife until after Christmas, I'm telling myself it's for the sake of my kids. However I also know I could break down at any time and reveal all. Would probably be better all round if I did as I wouldn't have to walk around pretending to be a great husband and dad. As i write this I have had an awful morning, struggling to concentrate at work due to the feelings of hatred I have towards myself. I can't understand that I have got to this point in my life.

I fully expect to be asked to leave home when the truth comes out. However if I am then I am going to do everything in my power to win my family back. Actions speak louder than words and I am putting the correct blocks in place. I will ask my wife to look after my finances. Not sure how that will work if we're not together but we'll see. I also intend on going to counselling and GA.

Gambling has taken us to a terrible place Danny but there's no reason we can't beat it. You say that you can't do it without her, but you can mate. And if things don't work out in the short term then show her you can do it without her, that may win her back. Good luck mate, you're not alone. I am 11 days GF now and this site has shown me that.

Hi Proudarab, thanks for sharing your story. I'm worried now that I will also have spoilt xmas for everyone, obviously my wife but now my children. Because of the nature of my job I was due to be working xmas and new year anyway so this year was going to be hard for me but at least I was going to be there for the run up before leaving on the 21st. Now because of my stupid actions I will not be in the family home with my gorgeous wife and children during this period which I know will devastate the kids. I don't know if my wife has any idea how we will break it to the kids that Dad is leaving or not (she has a lot on her mind now because of me) but I certainly don't. I definitely couldn't have waited until after xmas to tell them I would have ran myself into the ground, I need help and support which my wife has told me I will get, just not in the way I had hoped. I know one thing it's going to be a lonely place without them.

The only time I forget about what I've done is when I'm sleeping, I dread to think how much weight I've lost though not eating and the worry. Today has been the first day I have sept more than 3-4 hours and I still feel shattered, I just felt I needed to post something to get it off my chest. I'm not sure if the extra sleep is a coincedence and just caused by my tiredness or the fact that internally it's a relief to get it all off my chest and out in the open. If it is the latter then I don't feel I deserve that, why should I sleep better knowing I've just dropped a bombshell on my family and destroyed my wifes world, I mean she is probably in my position now and not sleeping. The world is a horrible unfair place to begin with, I can't stop racking my brain as to why I did it, or why I started betting the way I did, the truth is I don't know and I doubt I ever will. Going to see if I can get a bit more sleep because I have a sneaky feeling this is going to be my worst day in a long time. Take care everyone and Proudarab, if you do tell your family I hope they stick by you again, I know what your expecting but you never know the love your wife has for you, this time you may be able to beat it by putting the correct blockers in place. My wife has said she will support me which proves that she loves me enough to want to see me get better, she just can't be with me because of the lies. That is enough for me to never gamble again. Good luck with your recovery.

Hi Dan , just caught up with your recent posts and I'm sorry things have taken that turn for you but as I said at the begining we don't know how any one person will react ?, In all honesty you couldnt' have gone on for too long the way you were and I'm glad that you got it out in the open rather than the alternatives , Your wifes supporting you and that's a positive my friend and I wouldnt dismiss the idea that there may be away forward from this further down the line , she cares enough that she wants to help , rather than just walking away and just maybe if you do all you can over the coming months to show that youv'e changed and will do whats required to make things right , then trust maybe rebuilt ? , times a great healer Dan , so never say never .

I'll talk to you soon buddy , so keep posting and venting eh !

Hey Alan, as always thanks for the support. Telling her has been the best thing, I know that. If I didn't get it off my chest I would have driven myself into the ground and probably taken her with me. which is even more unfair. While I feel glad for having it out in the open I'm devastated for what I've just dropped on her when she wasn't expecting it. I'm trying to look at all the positives from it, no more lies, hopefully my moods will improve, no more gambling, improving my financial position and more importantly showing her and myself that I can beat this. I know she hates me but I can't wait to see her even if she is going to scream and hit me, I can't wait to give the kids a big hug and tell them how much I love them. She has told me that she'll never trust me again which I don't blame her for, part of me though is still hoping that she is just saying these things because she is mad with me. Only time will tell I suppose.

Whatever happens in the future is entirely in her hands, right now I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I've broken the trust of the person I love more than anything, destroyed my family and lost everything.

Hi again Dan,

From experience I can tell you that you will have some highs and lows more than likely more lows than highs to begin with. Things do get better mate. Try and look after yourself.

You still have a chance of working it out with your wife and I'm pleased you saying you know you've done the right thing as painful as it is now it's for the best. If things don't work out you can still be a better dad to your kids I certainly have been.

KTF

Hey Oldham, I'm expecting a lot of lows if I'm not in the same house as my family but once again it is no-ones fault but my own. I told my best mate today, I needed to speak to someone and because my wife isn't talking (and rightly so) I found myself stuck at work alone with the world running through my head so I reached out. He has been amazing, he's listened to what I have to say and given me some advice that although I don't want to do I know he is right. Obviously he's gutted at what has happened but at least he isn't judging me which is something I need now. Again my wife has every right to behave the way she is, I'd probably be exactly the same but it's nice to be able to share my feelings without being shut down.

I'll never give up hope that somehow we can repair this together however long it takes, she is the mother of my children and the love of my life. Like I said before she is a much stronger person than me, she can cope without me and while I know I can beat the gambling beast inside I'm not quite sure I'll ever adjust to not having her in my life the way I do now. I know my children will always be there but it's not the same as waking up on a morning and doing there breakfast or making them their packed lunches or the school drops everyday when I'm home. It will affect them, I just hope not too much as it's an important year for my daughter at school (she's 11, SATS) and I'm sure they will miss me as much as I'll miss them. I know I shouldn't be so negative but I know my wife and from all the indications I'm getting we are well and truly over which is very hard to accept. x x

It's not negative Danny it's honest I had and still have all the same feelings about my son. At the time I thought I couldnt live without my ex but in my case overtime I realised wasn't that happy and was going through the motions(think I need to do a diary update on this lol)

It's great you have spoken to a mate I had one who helped in the beginning to. I found attending GA a safe place to share my thoughts with likeminded people.

KTF

I know one thing Oldham, I've never gone through the motions with my wife. I could accept it a little better if I was but I'm not, I'm 200% happy being with her, I love her more than anything, I'm in love with her and if anything I find her more attractive now than I ever have she's absolutely gorgeous. Not to mention the fact she has gave me 2 amazing and beautiful children. This only makes it worse for me to accept, how the hell have I done this, or at least allowed it to get this far?

My wife has told me she will support me but not to what degree so it's good to know my friend will be there especially if I need any extra level of support. He understands how gambling is and what it can do to you, he's just gutted he never spotted it because he would have stopped me and I know he would.