For My Family....

Welcome to the other side
Good to see you crossing over to the recovery section. Have you thought about maybe joining the 2016 challenge? It's a nice little incentive to keep you coming back each week it's also good to see your numbers climbing.
All the best for now
Deano

Morning all,

Thanks Deano I'll have a look for the challenge.

On day 7 gamble free which is great, a week of no gambling and no real feeling that I want to.

Unfortunately have the huge debt and the prospect of telling my wife and losing my family in front of me. Woke up with the usual feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I guess you all know the feeling. I go in and out of sleep all night but usually at about 5am the realisation hits me again. If only I wasn't a coward and could come clean.

Thank you for making me laugh this morning....a scotch egg wrapped in cardboard hahahahaha....

I am pretty lucky that I work in the centre of a very large city and because I start work so early I take an early lunch and miss the crowds. There is a small tesco that has a discount section that is stacked if you can make it there before 12pm and I have been raiding that on a daily basis but my choices the past few times have not been great lol. I guess over time I will work out what is worth going for and what is not. Every day is a school day at the minute!

I suggest that if you are going to wait until after Christmas to tell your wife that you keep this diary up to date every day with your progress and how you are feeling. I sent my husband to my diary when he found out and I think it helped him (eventually) realise that at least I knew I had a problem and was trying to do something about it. It must be awful for the partner of a gambler who is in complete and utter denial that they have a problem.

Have a great day 🙂 xxx

Hi Shorty,

Thanks for your advice. You're right I will keep updating this diary.

Love my wife and kids to bits and terrified of losing them. However I guess whatever the outcome I will have to live with it. They all deserve so much more than this. The one thing I do know is that I can never gamble again.

Day 9....

Currently standing watching my 6 year old son at his football training, and instead of thinking about how much of my debt I could pay off today because there's so much football on, I'm watching my son running around having a great time!!

To be honest I don't even know who's playing today and couldn't really give a stuff.

The wasted hours looking at who's tipping what on the various tipsters pages. I used to think Saturday would be the most profitable day because of the amount of games on. And then the feeling of despair on a Saturday night though, backing some random Peru second division match I knew nothing about with massive stakes trying to win back my losses for the day. Getting deeper and deeper into debt. I'm getting really angry at myself just thinking about it.

Monday morning, 11 days free now.

Still in massive debt, still haven't told my wife and really struggling to live with myself for what I have done....

Gambling has ruined my life.

Hi there Proudarab, good to see you started a diary.

Maybe you could re-think about when to tell your wife? Walking around every day with that secret is holding you back by the sounds of things. The sooner she knows the quiker you can get into recovery.

All the best

Hi Iain

Thought you'd been gambling free for longer than that mate.

I know why you're not telling the wife yet and it's s difficult one because as I've said to you before and Sam puts above you can't really start the road to recovery properly until you not living the lie anymore. That feeling won't go in the morning until you do so even though i know you want the kids to have a nice Christmas you've got to bear it for another month.

One thing though gambling hasn't ruined your life just a part of it you've still got the love for your family and their love for you and your health. Which means you still have time to live happily and repair your life, but that won't happen until you've faced the music I'm afraid.

I know how you've been deliberating this for some time and understand about the Christmas thing so good luck mate and keep strong whatever you do try to be positive it does get better I can vouch for that.

Chris

Morning,

Thanks for the posts. It's 12 days now Chris, it is actually longer but it's 12 days since I started this diary so going with that figure.

I feel like a bit of a fraud writing on here as like you say, my recovery can't start until I've told the truth. Feel a little like people aren't writing on my diary because of this. Maybe better if I don't write for a bit. I also read that people don't start writing their diaries until they are at their lowest points. I'm gonna guess I won't be there until the day I come clean.

Hey Arab,

I wouldnt feel like that....for me the recovery started the day you decided to stop gambling..not the day you started your diary and not the day that you tell your wife. The day you tell your wife might be the most important day of your recovery but you can still make steps to improve things before that happens.
Every one of us is different but in the end the most important thing is that we do not gamble.....oldhamktf once said if you can stay away from your first bet then there is no chance of a second, third etc....

Dont stop posting here because you are worried about how people view you.....this is your diary to write down how you are feelign and what your thoughts are.

Wish you well.
Damo

Hi ya, it's just a bit quiet generally on the site @ the minute. There are no hard & fast rules about posting, you use your diary as & when you want to & given that you are rolling solo @ home @ the minute, it's a brilliant place to come & off load. I think you posted 1 on Monday when it should have been 11, hence the confusion!

Lovely to see you enjoying your little man running around 🙂

Telling your wife is a huge part of this but her not knowing yet doesn't mean you haven't started your journey. People here know what works & that's why it may feel like we are turning the thumb screws @ times, you have your reasons, just don't let it be the urge to gamble that stops you coming clean!

Recovery is for life - ODAAT

Thanks everyone,

The comments are all very much appreciated and always make me feel a little better as I know I'm not alone in this.

I will keep writing in my diary as I do feel like I am in recovery from gambling. 13 days now of not getting further into debt. Also 13 days closer to coming clean with everyone which is scary but also needs to happen. I see that a lot of people show their diaries to their partners. Does anyone have experience of doing this after they have come clean?

Finding this forum has been a real God send for me as it's really made me realise that I'm so not alone and there are so many people in the same position as me, and so much support is on offer. Only wish I knew about it 4 years ago. However there is no point in dwelling on the past as I know I can't change that now. Have to move forward.

Hope everyone is doing good today.

Day 13 today and no gambling...

Really struggling with myself today. Trying to bury my head into work but it isn't working.

Spending a lot of time wondering where I will be a year from now. Will I still be living at home.... if not, where will I be living, how will I be feeling, will I have managed to secure a plan to pay off my debts. All very daunting and quite scary.

Last time it happened the thought of GA terrified me, this time it's really appealing to me. Maybe as I have accepted I have a gambling problem.

No one knows what's round the corner...Don't waste energy on the yesterday's or tomorrow's, make the todays count!

Accepting we are beat makes recovery possible, wanting recovery makes it sustainable - ODAAT