Let's see how it goes.

Hi danny well done on becoming gf that is the first step to a lot lot happier life and better relationships. You've done right excluding are you sure there's no other sites you've left open, you could get a blocker for your phone, laptop that would stop it in moments of weakness. A lot of folk say it's best to tell your loved ones as gambling thrives on secrecy I haven't told my hubby but I'm concentrating on staying gf at minute but in the future I may but it's entirely up to you but I can imagine it's good to tell as no mores lies and secrets etc also your wife could support you as in looking after the finances. Counselling would be good too. Keep strong and best wishes Lu x

Hi Danny , glad you made it over as I said you'll have more contact with others in the same sort of situation as yourself on this side , it's a good place to interact and have a nose around at the diary's of other CG's as well , plenty of good ideas and information available to and if you have any questions or worries don't be afraid to ask as someone will answer :)).

See how this and the councilling goes for you and take it from there really , plus if you manage to sort out a few finances and get yourself in a better place then all the better :))

Talk to you soon buddy !

Well day 2 today, stopping gambling has allowed me to see with a clear head for the first time in a long time. The guilt I feel is immeasurable, I know they don't know but I can't stop thinking about how much I've let my beautiful wife and children down, and they don't deserve it. I'm convinced the gambling and the feelings I've been getting from gambling have created this problem with my wife and I feel that if I tell her she would maybe understand why I have been how I have for so long, the pressures of this debt over my head and the anxiety, stress, depression of the gambling might just give her a bit of closure on how I've been treating her. My biggest worry is that telling her of my gambling addiction and the debts might just push her over the edge and force her to either leave with the children or kick me out and that has worried me sick for the last 24 hours. I love my wife and children with everything, without the 3 of them I don't know where I would end up. I've began the process of budging my credit card debt around to benefit from the 9 month interest free periods which should give me a bit of breathing space to line my other finances up. I'm hoping that in 9 months time, work permitting I would be in a much better place but who know...for now all I can think about is the damage I'm causing in my own home.

If anyone has any advice on this I would really appreciate it, or even just some words of support...right now I feel so alone and trapped, I just want to curl up and die. I know that's not the answer but it would ease this pain.

Unfortunately there is no financial quick fix and it's probably better that way as it would just give us another opportunity to gamble.

I have always said that the best thing about being gambling free is the peace of mind that returns once the fog has cleared. Everything else will look after itself from money to relationships.

My missus told me iwasn't about the money but about her walking on eggshells around me not knowing from one day to the next where my head would be. I was oblivious to this,i thought as was a great husband,father,happy go lucky nice guy. Apparently not. Point being they can see right through us and the turmoil in our eyes.

Talk to someone and half the burden and grab recovery.

I lasted 8mths before and after 30yrs gambling it was amazing and I aim to grab peace of mind again.

Stay strong andI hope things get better for you.

Hi Dan , If it makes you feel any better we all have those feelings you describe , the first couple of day's and you look around at all the carnage youv'e caused is never easy to take in and face up to , your not alone though mate as I said to you the other day everyone on here has felt as you do myself included at some point , that's why this place works , we all understand and can offer that bit of advice or just an arm round your shoulder if that's what you need ?.

Telling your wife or partner is never easy mate , it was the hardest thing I've had to do but fortunately for me it worked out well and I got thier support but I know it doesn't always go that way , if you read a thread by Oldham on here , he wasn't so fortunate and lost his partner but still insists it was the right thing to do and has a year on no regrets in coming clean .

It's always going to be your call buddy and I'm not here to judge one way or the other but if you get the right result it will definately help having someone in the 3D to help you with your battle .

All the time were gambling we dont really care about anything else and it's not until we stop we realise whats really important to us , I'm not saying you didn't love your family just that they wern't that high up your list of priorities .

Afternoons on here can be a bit quiet but once early evening gets here there's ususally more folks about and I'm sure you'll have a bit more input on your diary .

It will get easier mate but it takes a bit of time that's all things will get sorted and you'll start enjoying life again even if you can't see that just yet .

Stay safe fella and cut yourself some slack , were all human and all make mistakes and if you do decide the time's right to fess up then , just be torally honest with her , answer her questions and get it all out in the open , no good covering something else up that might come and bight you in the @r*e later .

Wish you well Dan 🙂

Day 3 and I'm really struggling, not struggling to bet...I'm finding that suprisingly easy but struggling with what I've done. I've reached a new level of low and I'm away with work so I'm alone to think a lot. I'm on nightshift and have had about 2 hours sleep and can't eat due to the worry of the debts I've racked up. I know I could never do it to my children but again the easy way out has crossed my mind and I've spent hours crying thinking of my wife and life without her, I only wish I could see this before I placed that first bet but it's done now. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person to feel this way but this I can't see this getting any better....at this moment in time, life for me is over I can't see any coming back from this.

Hi Danny please don't do anything I know exactly how you feel when I first started posting I was suicidal. I couldn't see anyway out but there is. As it's your debts that are main consern please look up debt charities Step Change is a good one they will stop all your creditors contacting you and arrange payments you can afford. Please don't think there's no way out because there always is, always. Take care Lu x

Hi Dan , look mate you just need some time to sort things out , at the moment it's all really raw , I told you how I thought long and hard about doing the same thing but you also have to think of your wife and kids and what sort of legacy your going to leave behind , how are they going to feel knowing that you couldn't talk to them ? , whatever happens they'd much rather you be around and in a bit of debt than not around at all . In the cold light of day it just boils down to money and that's all , money comes and goes throughout our lives and what youv'e lost can be earned again through hard work , we make mistakes all of us and there's no shame in it , were human and that by our very nature means mistakes , everything's fixable mate but all your thinking about now is what youve done and it's going round and round in your fogged up head .

Talk to your wife mate and be honest , however she takes it will still be a weight lifted of of your shoulders , if it works out well then you'll still have her support , if she doesn't then you still have your kids who need their dad around , believe me mate whatever the outcome you'll be able to start moving forward again .

Keep talking buddy coz were all here to help :))

Alan .

If my wife decides it's over then I have nowhere to go and because of what I've done we can't afford anywhere else for the other person, it would mean selling the family home which would cut me even more and send me out of control to think i'd taken the kids roof from over their heads. Telling my wife isn't the problem, it's telling her how much over the long period of time I've been doing it. We had debts anyway, most people do these days but I have escalated these incredibly and probably doubled again what we had. At present with the job I have I can afford the payments so luckily no creditors are coming knocking but the amounts are insane and I can't see a way out. This job won't last forever as I'm a contractor. Everyone is different, I spoke to her tonight about my depression because I'm struggling with everything that's going on, my gambling, the debts, the problems I'm having with my wife and then most importantly the way I've treat them through it all. I'm really struggling and told her, she is going to make me an appointment at the doctors for when I get home in just under 2 weeks time. She told me that I'm her husband and she'll be there regardless of what is going on but I'm not sure she would be if she knew the truth. I came off the phone and just broke down...she really is the most incredible woman and I don't deserve her. I've not told her that I've been suicidal over time because I don't want her to worry about me too much or think I'm pathetic. I couldn't take her leaving me right now when I'm at the bottom of the barrel. Thanks for your words guys but I'm past day 3 and I'm struggling really bad with the trail of devastation I've left behind me.

I can totally understand the way your feeling Dan but if she's helping you then she's obviously worried about you and she loves you , if she's aware there's a problem, something is obviously causing that problem and telling her may go down that bit easier , I'm no marriage councillor and don't know how she will take it but the way you are now is not good and your not going to be able just to cover it all up for ever , it's going to be better if you can sit down and tell her in your own way rather than her finding out and that conversation being out of your control . You could even bring her here to your diary and let her see how you are , she could even have support herself on here , even if it's s better understanding of how our gambling mind works or to see that it's more common than she may think ? It's always going to be your call Dan but there is always a way forward if your foundation is solid , she may be supportive , she's probably going to be angry and the s***t may hit the fan but if your honest and open and put before her what your going to do to beat this then there is no reason why things can't move on from this . I and many others have had to have the same conversation, it's not nice and it's not easy but most of us on here are agreed it was worth the risk . I wish I could help you more Dan but sometimes it's about facing our fears alone , we'll all be her for support but it's got to be about you my friend . Try and overthink things too much , this might happen that might happen , reality is we don't know what will happen but it's just fear of he unknown buddy . Alan

Hi Danny so very sorry your so low, Alan's advice is brilliant and I second it all. Alan's so right when he says things are so raw for you right now, it's very early days and the overthinking about things is natural but things could turn out so different to what you expect. Your wife obviously loves you very much and I would imagine she'd be relieved in a strange way knowing what the problem is. I'm no marriage guidance counsellor either but it makes sense. All of us have left trails of devastation in our wake hun but there is always a way out. It's good you've arranged Doctors appt too, a step in right direction hun. I wish you well and please keep coming on here it really helps a lot to share. Take care Danny Lu x

Evening Dan,

They will never be a right time to tell her. I told, to be honest I had no choice my world was falling around me. When I told I knew 100% that I would be asked to leave the home, I'd hoped that might change over time but it didn't. I don't regret it, I regret what I did but coming clean has been the biggest thing in helping my stay gamble free for over a year.

Try a bit of role reversal. Your wife is the gambler going behind your spending money that you could benefit from, feeling down and depressed keeping secrets from you. How would you feel if she was dong this on her own? Would you want her to come to you? Would you stick be her or walkout on her?

No one can make these choices for you but you asked for people's opinions this is mine and from what I have seen from around the forum over the last year or so the people who reach out for help have a greater chance of succeeding.

KTF

Well day 4 is almost over for me now, bit of a turn of events. I rang home to speak to the kids then ended up speaking to my wife, I'm not sure how it happened but we got talking about me being so low and she asked me what was wrong, I told her we would talk about it when I'm home in 10 days but she didn't want to know then she wanted to know now and out it came. I broke down and confessed everything to her, so that's it she knows, and while I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders I can't help but feel like a monster. I can't only blame the addiction because at the end of the day I was the one that made the decision to bet. I just hope that she's ok because she would do anything for anyone without asking for a single thing in return, on the other hand I hope it gives her some closure on why I have been like I have for a while (she questioned me being on my phone so much and my s*x drive being so low thinking I was having an affair) truth was I was gambling and too stressed or worried to want s*x. I can't imagine how she must have felt thinking that I was seeing someone when the truth is I'm not sure she'll ever truly know how I feel for her, I could never do that to her.

I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, that seems a long way away. I hope she decides she loves me enough to help me through this and I've told her I've already set the wheels in motion for counselling and local GA sessions. She can have all the log ins for our finances etc so that she can look when she wants, full disclosure. I will do literally anything to save my marriage but for now I need to let her process what she has just heard, that her partner of 14 years, husband of 7, father to her children has been lying to her for a long time. To hear her so upset killed me, I wanted to be face to face when we spoke so that she could at least hit me or something but not to be able to hold her really cut deep.

If she will allow then I am determined to make it through this, it will be a challenge but I know with her love and support I can get through absolutely anything..and I mean anything. If not then I need to fight it alone and hope it goes just as well. However for now I just feel glad that I've told her as I was killing myself at work, no sleep, no eating. Hopefully that will return and allow me to sort a plan out to get out of this. She'll probably never read this but tomorrow is day 5, which leads to day 6....I can only go forwards not backwards now, I can only do what I can the rest is in her hands. Thanks for all your support everyone.

@oldhamktf I'm sorry to hear about your relationship but congratulations on being GF for so long, I can't wait to hit the 1 week mark never mind 1 year. Keep it up, I'll be there in 361 days I know it.