Let's see how it goes.

I wasn't suggesting you was going through the motions you saying how much you loved her made me think about me.

My friends had the same thoughts we become good at keeping it hidden living like a double agent.

I'm off to bed I'll catch you soon

Ahh right sorry Oldham I'm on nightshift and not been getting much sleep, I read that wrong. Please accept my apologies. Thanks for your input though it is appreciated.

Hope your sleeping better than me.

Hi Danny so sorry missed your posts when you needed support. I'm also so sorry what's happened with your wife but I'm a great believer that love conquers all and it isn't over until it's over, she's rightly angry with you but she still loves you. Keep staying gf and prove to her and it could well yet have a good ending. Wishing you all the very best Danny keep strong Lu xx

Thanks to you too lulu. 7 days today, bit of a pathetic figure but it's a week all the same.

Well that's my nightshift finished, quite possibly my worst shift ever but it's over now, hopefully I'll get chance to sleep for a few hours and forget about everything. I managed to keep myself busy for a lot of it but the minute I sat down it hit me like a bus and I'd break down again. It doesn't help that I'm working alone on nights and have no-one to really chat to. I've decided to not message me wife for a while and give her room to think and process it, that will kill me but she isn't replying anyway which proves she doesn't want to talk right now, this also means no chatting with the kids either though. Anyway, short entry for me this time, hopefully I feel better when i wake up in a few hours.

*

Sorry to bother you all again, but has anybody had the telephone counselling through Gamcare?? The reason I ask is that they have been in touch and said it is going to take longer than the usual 2-3 week window to get me in because their counsellor is unavailable so have offered me telephone counselling instead with another. I work on a 3 week rotation so if it takes 4 weeks that will be me due to go back to work for 3 weeks which will mean possibly 8 weeks until I can get started. I'm really really fired up to get started on this but don't want to be wasting my time with the phone counselling if it's not worth it.

Thanks HL. I think I'll tell them to continue with the face to face sessions but ask if I can try a phone session see what it's like.

Regarding my wife, she can have, see, or do anything she wishes. I'm not lying anymore about it and the only way I can get her full support is by being totally open to her which I intend on doing. I don't plan on anymore credit that would be stupid, especially as i have so much on at the minute, my only focus is making right my wrongs. I don't think I'll ever get back with my wife but that's an issue that not only do I have to deal with but live with for the rest of my life. I'll never forgive myself.

I can't comment on the GC counselling only to say I've heard good things about it within the forum but just wondering if you could get to GA in the meantime? I know KTF has posted to you but his diary is testament to the positive effect it has had on him & his recovery.

Be open & honest with your wife & keep working on you - ODAAT

I can't as I work in an isolated location so I can't attend or do anything until I'm home I'm afraid.

Well bwin just e-mailed me, another account I had forgot to block.....2 minutes later it's now closed indefinitely. Another one ticked off.

Feels good blocking all the accounts doesn't it Danny?

What amazes me is the amount of advertising they are allowed to do. Every time you turn on sky sports there's Ray Winstone staring back at you.

How's things with you?

Hey Arab, I'm ok thanks. Trying to step away from the relationship side because it was all I was going on about and I think it was doing people's heads in, that's an issue that I have to live with now because of my mistakes.

It did feel good to block another account your right especially seeing as though I'd forgot about it (which is how I got into this latest mess, old account I thought I'd blocked e-mailed me the rest is history) so yeah. I agree with you about the advertising though it's everywhere, it's on my facebook page most days so I just remove it and tell them it's not relevant to me. Not planning on ever betting again anyway, does shock therapy work because I'm pretty sure that's what's happened to me. Seeing the destruction I've caused and how much I've hurt my loved ones has put me off for life.

How are you?

Hi Danny,

I'm not doing great if I'm honest. Living with the secret of the debt is killing me. Not sure if I can see through Christmas before I come clean however we'll see how it goes.

You speak about what you want in your diary mate. If you want to talk about relationships go for it. Certainly not doing my head in and you have my support if you need it. You'll be home soon so hopefully things will be better than you're expecting. We always think the worst in these situations.

Have a good day mate.

Hi Danny , I'd agree with Arab, if you want to speak about your relationship then just rant away mate , it's yor diary and you put down all your thoughts , gambling related or not it's aplace to vent , people have the option to read and respond or not so don't worry about others mate , it's good that your getting all the exclusions done , that'll be one thing less to worry over :)) .

Take care Bud and keep posting !

I'm so sorry to hear that Arab I really am. I was in your position just over a week ago and it was making me physically sick with worry. I couldn't take it anymore but for me it was a combination of the debt racking up and the lies I was telling my family. I feel physically better for sharing it because now I'm not the only person that knows my problem and I can move forward to correct my wrongs, there are no more lies and my wife knows everything. She has her reasons for ending it and to be honest I don't blame her, which woman and mother would want someone as toxic as me around but that is killing me. I never ever ever imagined my life without her in it as my wife, side by side growing old together. That's now a reality but it's my fault and the tears and heartache are a constant reminder of that. It's your call at the end of the day mate, good luck whatever you decide to do.

Hey Alan I just felt it was becoming a bit agony auntish and I suppose this place isn't for that, I just felt better sharing it and getting it off my chest at the time. My wife will never read this I suppose but still, I'll try to stick to the subject at hand where possible. Like I said earlier I honestly think the shock of this has put me off gambling for life, I can imagine many people say that but for me it's true. I feel disgusted when an ad comes on for it, just a shame I didn't feel that way years ago when I got sucked in. I'm home in 5 days and all I know is I'm staying on the settee that first night then I'm out...It's looking likely that the first few days will be spent in my car until I can arrange something.

Thank you both for your input and support.