You are doing so well x It is such a tough journey and totally relate to the escape.
Keep strong, I know you can do this
Sending warmth your way lovely lady x
Hiya M, I've thought about going to the casino twice today...the thing is neither of us have acted on those thoughts. I think in the first days you really miss gambling, then there is a type of euphoria when you realise you can stop, and life feels calmer. Think now maybe we are looking for a bit of an adrenalin rush....maybe do as Bea suggested on chat and treat ourselves, to mark the 50 days. We are choosing life M, not to waste money on spinning reels x
50 days today and delighted you've treated yourself too Mari. And so you should! Keep it going, day by day 🙂
Cheers Mix 🙂 you been reading Rhoda's diary lol, I only just posted on hers about my treat 🙂
Admin - thank you for your post Eva, it's nice to know Gamcare are out there keeping an eye on me 🙂
Yep dear diary day 50 and I'm smiling!!
Still a bit shaken by the strength of the urges yesterday & I slept really badly but today was a new day and no gambling to report 🙂
Sunday tomorrow and my Son is coming over for dinner & movie, this always makes me happy 🙂
My Day 50 treat...I bought some amazing melts for my candle burners & my home smells yummy :
Posted off all the documents & paperwork to Stepchange today 🙂
Onwards & forwards I go.....
Mari x
Congratulations on achieving 50 days gf!!
Wishing you continued success with lots more treats along the way!! x
Well done Mari happy Hawaii Day
Hi M, sorry I missed your 50th day, so happy belated wishes, well done fighting those urges and looking back you have come such a long way, so proud of you. The time spent with your son like mine yesterday with my daughter is priceless, worth so much more then any slots win, onwards and upwards, best wishes x
Just catching up - massive congratulations on becoming part of the 50 club.....so proud of my fellow Scot x
Another belated congrats here 🙂
Those urges will come but they can only cause more damage if you let them...You're in it for the long haul so keep fighting & use them to keep you on your toes!
Wishing you continued strength :0)
Thank you to everyone for my big 50 wishes....So appreciated!!
Well it's Day 53 diary and things are toddling along, been a bit up & down because I'm trawling through finances to get everything together for Stepchange...Sent off loads of stuff last week but they phoned me today & I've more bits to organise and send in, proof of budget outgoings etc. I have to be honest, this is first time I've actually had total figures...On paper...In front of me, guess I've just been sticking my head in the sand for so long trying to wish it all gone...Reality has kicked in big time but that's a good thing, I'm even more determined to get a life back.... more committed to never spinning a slot ever... ..
Debt aside, life is definitely improving... I'm starting to look forward, letting go of demons, accepting myself with all my flaws and believing I am worthy of a life without misery.
Just for today.....Onwards & forwards I go....
Mari x
Hi Mari, how has your day been? R x
Hi Mari. Thanks for posting on my diary and I'm glad that you are still GF. I know its not easy but we neet to focus and think about the past and the future. We cannot afford to to go back to where we were, and as we look to the future with a world of posibilities, we owe it to ourselves to give it a fighting chance.
love your post 117, sorry I have no hashtag
You are feeling the fear and facing this. Debt can be sorted, but what is most striking about your post is how much better you feel about yourself inside.
Sometimes gambling and debt feel dirty and they take away self worth.
You are a lovely lady and it was really uplifting to read that post x
It's after 1am and I can't sleep... but it's ok..It's ok because I'm actually pretty good right now. All is good with those important to me... I'm calmer but so much more 'alive' than I was 55 days ago... my finances are improving.... daily grind isn't such a grind anymore either but I've a long way to go yet.... I need to address my self isolation but I actually like being on my own, or is that my addict mind tricking me? I'm 52 years old and until 3 years ago had never lived alone....Ever. I like it this way. Life is my way...My choices...My wants & needs and I know that sounds selfish, maybe it is but...I've never had that. I do however really need to make more effort with my friends, I never go out socially anymore & very rarely want to.... is that the addict in me again? Well whatever it is... me just being an anti social sourpuss or a part of addiction...Work In Progress.....I think the rest of my life is going to be a work in progress lol 🙂
I like coming here, I like having this diary.... writing things down helps me to see the way forward. There is no going back.
Gambling has nothing to offer me.
Mari x
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