Life With Sports Bets Only

Morning Captain, 

Not so sunny here today, but not raining so that’s ok in my book. 

Back to gambling thoughts, it’s a shame in your case that you’re older now, and unable to achieve the sports buzz you once did. No doubt this would help somewhat. 

Ive not seen the Paul Merson documentary, I saw it advertised. Will probably have a look at it on catch up when we get home. 

You mentioned the topic in chat recently about being happier. I’m in no doubt that some, many in fact will be happier. No secrets etc, Money to pay bills, not scrimping and scraping to get food. But I think some will tell, even convince themselves they’re happier because they believe they should be. There’s two elements here. The actual happiness you get whilst playing “the buzz” we often mention v the happiness and relief of stopping. We all know that with the highs of gambling also come the lows. When you stop - no highs and no lows. Others possibly get a certain high from normal stuff, where you and I struggle more…. maybe it’s our age ?? but clearly the years we’ve spent getting our kicks also has a lot to do with it.  I know I say it all the time, but I do believe if you had a partner/wife this would help a little too. Not that a partner understands, mine really has no concept. On occasions where I’ve said to him about helping me. Not giving in etc lending me money, his response has been “ well don’t ask”. ???

You and I both share (as many/most gamblers do) the fact we’ve experienced big wins. We also know we could gamble without it affecting our lives in a bad way if we didn’t chase. But we do. I’ve read on sooooooooooooooo sooooooooooooooo many sites people saying the same old story - I was winning x amount but I couldn’t walk away. As soon as I started to lose I upped my stake and lost the lot. Walked away with not a penny to my name. We all do it. It affects us all the same. For a CG the story always end in the same way…..

I hope your Saturday is going ok. 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I don’t want to repeat lots here, but for me my “real” addiction started after winning lots. I opened many, many accounts. Somewhere in the region of 100 I’d guess. I won a substantial amount, but I didn’t realise in this process I’d given myself a deeper problem. Like you, I could win online often. And I too questioned why oh why on the occasion where I was losing - why couldn’t I just accept that? Like you say, I could have won 20 days on the trot, but if day 21 was a losing day - it would also be a “wipeout” day. Time after time (after the event) I’d say to myself, right, no more chasing losses. That way I can “win”. Needless to say it never happened. Because you don’t know how far you have to go to “recoup” losses. When the tide will turn. How long is a piece of string? 

I understand you couldn’t have a lady in your life because of the reasons stated. I hope in time things will change, in that you will “want” to share at least part of your life with someone. Obviously it would need to be cards on the table, it would be the only way IMO. 

It’s our last night up North tonight. We’re going out for a Sunday roast this afternoon. Tomorrow we head off to a lodge for 4 nights. It’s ok, although the bed is like a piece of wood and every morning I wake up feeling 70! ???

Speak soon BFF, 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Its 20:43 and I’m already in bed! The lodge is lovely. It’s small, but adequate. But I’m bored! 

I wonder if all CG had mood swings like us? I’m serious when I say, whilst gambling, if OH said something and I was losing I’d blame him - not to his face, but in my head I’d think it. I couldn’t be doing with any kind of conversation, unless I was ready to stop for the night. It’s terrible.
Thankfully he never really picked upon this. Which I’m thankful for, because he didn’t deserve it! Did you ever have thoughts like this? I think it’s all to do with blame - and it would never be our faults now would it? 

BTW the bed at the lodge is much more comfortable than the hotel - thank goodness ?

I haven’t even thought about Christmas yet. Usually everyone comes to us. In previous years my parents have stayed for a couple of weeks. Not sure what will happen this year, it will be dependent on how my Dad is doing. His op is in 28th, I just hope it helps and he can finally start to mend. 

Ive just eaten a whole packet of strawberry laces, the ones you get from Tesco! ????

Not really watched much tv since we’ve been away. OH has watched the soaps ???? but we’ve got a couple of dramas to catch up with when we get home. We have Netflix so we’re also going to watch the latest craze - Squid Game - gotta see what all the fuss is about ?

Hope you’re doing ok. 

Catch up soon,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Back home now, can’t say I’m sorry. I think for people who work, getting a break away is wonderful. I know “officially” I work, but I have a very easy life, but sadly sometimes boring. Gambling stopped that boredom. My Mum says I’m spoilt. Aren’t children spoilt? ?

I missed my little Grandson. He’s coming over with Mummy tomorrow afternoon. We’ll have a little catch up. 

Sorry to hear about the water flood at your Mums, due to the washing machine. At least you were able to help her out. I hope it didn’t cause too much mess!

The golfing bets definitely sound (dare I say it) good value for money, obviously looking back, past tense, compared to many other forms of gambling. Although golf is another sport I know absolutely nothing about. Talking sport - Arsenal won again tonight. ? Could be title contenders after all ???

Feeling a little bit fed up. Not sure if it’s my age, or just life. OH pees me off somewhat. Although I probably have the same effect on him ?

We haven’t watched any dramas whilst away, so plenty to catch up on. Angela Black and the Drive one (can’t remember it’s name) you’ve watched. 

Im fed up with the Covid situation. Cases are rising etc. I know hospitalisations and deaths are still lower than before, but it just makes you wonder when we’ll be able to live normally, without fear. 

I hope you’re ok BFF ? Take care of yourself,

Tizzy xxx

Good Afternoon Captain,

Glad to hear you were an upbeat 6/10 yesterday - I hope that has continued into today! I feel better today. We all have “moments” don’t we? Some of us just have more than others ???

I still haven’t watched the Paul Merson programme, I will watch this week. We’ve got plenty recorded, just got to find the time. ? I think I’ve said to you before, time flies. It always had, but definitely more so now I’m getting older! 

I think my OH and I do spend too much time together. And we probably get on each other’s nerves sometimes. I guess that’s normal. So can totally understand when you went away with “girlfriends” opposed to a wife, it was more exciting/interesting. I had that with my ex, but it wasn’t “real life” because of the “situation” So on the whole, yes, I’d rather be a bit bored from time to time, but have the life I do.

I think we could all improve our lives somehow. We all want a little more. I’d love to be able to gamble in a controlled way. Without chasing. Without experiencing huge losses. It’s not to be. Do you ever think about it? Do you wish the same? I know it’s pointless, but I can’t help thinking that way. 

We’re going out tonight. So I’d better cook some food. 

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Good Afternoon Captain,

I feel for you, having all those conference calls etc. It can’t be easy and not something I would be comfortable with either. I’m fine with family on FaceTime, but that’s so different. It must be hard having to humour people when all you want to do is get on with the job in hand and bid farewell. On the other end of the spectrum, I guess there are plenty who love it all. I wonder, do you think some set out their camera to catch their wonderful homes and “expensive” items they possess? ??? I hope this week doesn’t drag! 

I too want this week done and dusted. My Dad is (fingers crossed) having his op on Thursday. I hope this time they can do what’s needed and he can finally start in his road to recovery. It’s six months since his cancer op! 

I’ve been looking at cake recipes today. I’m thinking of making Mum & Dad a chocolate and orange cake. Something a little different from the norm. 

Back to gambling talk, I really feel sorry for your situation. I completely 100% get that you could have plodded along with gambling as a hobby, had you not been/turned into (food for thought there, are we born a CG, or does something start the trigger?) a compulsive gambler. It’s such a shame. But, you have accepted your situation. When on a diet, we can still crave that massive cream cake can’t we? We’re not robots. But you volunteer the fact of the downsides. More acceptance on your part. When I think of gambling, good times, I rarely think of bad, bad times. But that’s the difference between us, I am nowhere near rock bottom. I am where I am now because I don’t want to hit it. I’ve read so much stuff about gambling. I’ve been a gambler for over 35 years. I don’t know when I became a compulsive gambler. As you know I used to win often. When a CG wins there’s no issue is there? I only really remember considering the fact I had a problem when I was playing online, but looking back, yes, it had started earlier, but I can’t pinpoint exactly when. 

Let me know your thoughts on whether or not compulsive gambling is something that’s triggered, or do you think it’s just the way our brains are? 

Tizzy xxx

Second post from me too ?

And you’re right (yet again) It ain’t going away. I’ve told you before, at one point I hadn’t stepped foot in a bingo hall for approx 2 yrs. This meant I hadn’t played slots in that time. I could not believe how the urge to play them was there, possibly even stronger on my return. But as I say, I only got the urge when I returned, seeing the slots. There lies some of the differences between us Captain, and possibly the same differences to others on this forum. If a person (like me) is addicted to slots and they block online and join Gamstop in time things can improve. And they have done for quite a few of the girls in chat. Some say they don’t miss it. But while I think  getting the blocks in place are essential to start their recovery, what helps is there isn’t constant triggers. Unless you log in to an online casino/gambling site you won’t see online slots. They’re not in your face. Of course you have your mind, and you will have your thoughts and temptations. But for someone like yourself, who has gambled on, what for many others is just something they watch on the tv it’s a lot harder to escape the temptation. Possibly on some weekends numerous channels will have “betable” (think I made that word up) sports. Throw into the mix the amount of years you’ve had it as your hobby….. I sincerely empathise with you. You have many triggers to compete with. 

I’m waffling a bit, it’s late. But, like you, I have a passion for discussing gambling. We both have learned a lot about it. 

I know you find it hard, daily. But you really have come a long way BFF.  You’ve passed a year and even though you don’t feel like you’ve made progress, you have. 

Are there more conference calls this week, or was it just today? At least Mondays done and dusted. 

I’ve got my Grandson tomorrow, so I’d better get to sleep ? 

Sweet dreams,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, 

You do make me smile ?

Yes, it’s strange/odd that I cannot look at gambling with a “balanced view”. Not sure if you HAVE to hit rock bottom to be able to. I remember years ago, I was out with the girls and saw my ex ex, he was my first proper boyfriend. We’d been together for about 18 months about 10 years previous, when I was 15. It didn’t end great, there were PLENTY of bad things that happened, plenty. BUT, that didn’t stop me going off with him and spending the night. ???? So, bearing that in mind, maybe it’s me!! Maybe I just put the bad stuff to the back of my mind. Who knows ??‍♀️

Sorry to hear the conference calls are going on all week; 2 down, 3 to go! ?

We have my Grandson again tomorrow. We’re going out, taking him to the shops and then we’ll probably have a coffee or something. 

We started watching The Squid Games last night, it’s supposed to get better, it was a bit odd at first. I know you can’t get it as it’s on Netflix. We piggyback my stepsons account ???

Have a good evening Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hey stranger!

Its a late check-in from me today. 

Firstly, I’m glad your week has come to an end; no more having to look pretty (handsome) or happy for the camera!! ???

My Dads op never went ahead. He arrived Thursday morning, was sitting in a waiting room, when a nurse came out and told him it was cancelled! Pretty s**t eh! As if he hasn’t been through enough. They said he *should* hear within two weeks when they next plan to operate. I’m not holding my breath. 

We went over to see them today. I made a coffee cake for them this morning. Then we spent late afternoon and evening with them. We left them watching the end of Strictly Come Dancing ? 

So, I f****d up again Captain. Went out last night and basically spent two months wages. I had the most restless night. I woke up with pains in my head. Fortunately after coffee and pills this morning I did start to feel myself again. It has to stop. I know I’m the only one that can do it. But I guess like all gambler that are still “under the spell” it’s a relationship I’m struggling to end, even though I KNOW it’s bad for me. I’m not looking for pity, just being honest. But, don’t want to be “that” broken record. I’m going to change the date (when I last gambled) on my profile. When I logged in tonight it said “you’ve not gambled in 150 days”, maybe not online, but I have at land bingo and I’m not going to be a hypocrite anymore. All I’ve done is replaced one route of gambling with another. And talked myself into believing (kind of) that I don’t have a “real” problem. So, today is day 1. 

You wanted my thoughts on how you’d beat yourself up when you picked a winner but didn’t have funds to/just didn’t place the bet. Obviously it’s totally different for me, a slots player, as I only know the result if *I play* I can see how this could haunt you though, totally. Especially as I know we aren’t talking a few quid. It hurts. As CG we certainly go through many emotions. Like all addictions, ups and downs. Which brings me back to mood swings. Happy whilst playing and winning. A miserable b***h when skint with no ammunition to get my *buzz*. I was talking to a friend at bingo. She too has a problem, to be honest quite a few probably have but don’t realise it. Anyway I was saying how I just “love” playing. The addiction *cons* you into thinking you *love* it. All you really love and crave is the dopamine that goes wild when you play….whatever your poison may be. 

It definitely ain’t going away.

Tizzy xxx

Good Afternoon Captain,

Thanks for your message and support as always. I read your message late last night after demolishing a bottle of Prosecco, so reread again today ?

You’re so right about how on the day of losing, emotions are high, never again “we tell ourselves” but days after and the dust has settled we “see” things differently” the other side of our brain starts trying to convince us to “find a way” of staying on the merry go round. Not so merry is it Captain? 

I accept I am fortunate in that I don’t owe money to companies etc, but that’s why I’m here. I know I have a problem and I didn’t want it to get to that point before I seek help. 

My OH has given the green light to decorating our front room, so that will take up plenty of time and thoughts. Everything needs replacing, so I’m hoping that will help me. 

It was a beautiful morning today. I took our dog out, she loves running in the dry leaves. It was cold, but not too cold. 

Christmas shopping…. Not really something I’m good at. When our children were small we’d buy all the rubbish presents so they had lots to open. Nowadays I love buying musical Christmas ornaments and decorations for the home, but now our kids are adults I struggle to know what they want so end up giving cash. I love being in the kitchen and enjoy looking at different ideas of what to cook for desserts and cakes. 

Good to hear you ventured out again on Saturday. Even if only the third time this year, it’s still progress Captain.

We are off out this afternoon to look at dining tables. 

Have a good day! 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

My Dad has another date for his op - 22nd Nov - fingers crossed it’ll go ahead and help his healing. 

Sorry, but the thought of you shopping for a nighty for a 75 year old did make me smile. M&S do nice tins of biscuits etc, I’ve always found that an “easy” option for the older generation. Your Mum and my Dad are probably in a similar mindset. My Dad has very little interest in anything atm. Let’s hope things change soon for them both ❤️

Not sure if I mentioned before, but we watched Hollingdean Avenue (not sure if that’s the name) about the little boy that goes missing. It was ok, above average. We have also watched 3 episodes of Angela Black, I know you’ll be waiting for all 6 to air, but that’s not bad at all atm - still 3 episodes to watch! 

I’ve not gambled since my last confession. The phrase “if I lose the highs, at least I’m spared the lows” keeps coming to mind. It’s so true. But even though we know this we can’t stop the urges. The thoughts of fun, the wins. But I know that’s normal and I’m doing ok. 

We found sofas we both like. Sadly delivery is 13-15 weeks. We also found a dining table with sideboard, coffee table and tv stand to match. Just going to have a look at a couple of other shops so we’re certain it’s what we want. 

I’m making chocolate and orange and chocolate and mint cupcakes tomorrow (I wish I could send you some) to take to my parents. My Dad is very slowly gaining weight, so all this helps ?

I had remembered about your meeting with the bank in December, but I’d not mentioned it. I really hope you can come out of it with the best possible result BFF ??I guess at times it’s good that you’re busy with work to keep your mind occupied. 

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I hope you’re well and have had an ok weekend. I remain GF. 

We haven’t been out during the evenings over the weekend because of the fireworks. Our little doggy doesn’t like them, so it’s been tv on very loud to try and drown out the bangs. 

I watched Arsenal this afternoon. Another three points. Not a great game, but three points gratefully received! West Ham currently lead Liverpool 1-0. 

Not a lot to report my end. I ordered myself some boots today and a jacket. We aren’t doing “proper” Xmas presents this year. We will give our children/couples £50 to go out for a meal or something and we tell them not to buy us anything. We’re not Scrooge, but they all earn decent money. They all have what they want. We have no idea what to buy them, so the £50 is more of a gesture than a present. Although my Daughter suggested we (everyone that is coming to us for Xmas) do a secret Santa and spend £25. That may well be a good idea, more so for the fun aspect. 

We watched the first two episodes of The Long Call last night. I agree with you - it’s in the “ok” category, so many are! We watched the first episode of Showtrial the other night, we found that pretty good. Lots of mystery involved, which we like. 

I’m hoping there won’t be too many fireworks tonight, I can but hope. 

Have a good evening Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I was pleased to read your message. I’ve not felt good this evening. I wanted to go out. As I say, we’ve not been out all weekend because of the fireworks. OH put his foot down. Said I could go out if I wanted to - but he wasn’t going out. You know me and driving - especially in the dark ??? so we stayed in. I went and laid on the bed for an hour, had a cry, tried to count my blessings. Did count my blessings, felt a little better and came downstairs. 

In answer to your question, how do I feel because I’m 10 days GF? Bored. I don’t feel I’ve achieved anything. All I want to do is have a flutter. Part of me feels it’s just a matter of time. So I can relate to plenty you’ve said my friend. Yes, on that losing spiral, raising the stakes to stupid amounts, just wanting to lose it all. It’s such a predictable cycle isn’t it? The next day has always been the most painful. Then, the days that follow get better and better. So much so that after two or three I start to consider “going back”. For me, the pain has always been when I “think” I can’t play anymore. so I really feel for you and understand your feeling of being locked in a box. The only option we have is to try and make the best of things (which I know you are Captain) get as much pleasure as we can from “normal” stuff.

Easier said than done though eh……

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

As always, thanks for your message. 

We all have two sides to us, don’t we? One side is the sensible, logical side. The other side is the little devil within. He tries to get us to enjoy “naughty” things. That fat cream cake, an extra hour in bed (sleeping ?) gambling. For some of us, the logical side battles on and wins, we do not cave in. For others, the little devil wins. 

It’s very hard to look upon how I feel as an addiction, even though I know it is. For me, I just love gambling. I’ve gambled for 40 years in one way or another. This is what it does isn’t it? Makes you believe you’re in love. It’s like a bad lover, one that continually breaks your heart! 

We finished the end of The Squid Games tonight. I don’t recommend it, if you do ever get the chance to watch it ?

You’re making me laugh with your online shopping list ???

Have you ventured into chat this week? I keep thinking I’ll pop by, but then have second thoughts…

I keep thinking of some of the lyrics from Will Young - Leave Right Now…. (I know I’ve mentioned these before, but they are soooooo appropriate) *If I lose the highs, at least I’m spared the lows*

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

How’s the Christmas shopping going? I’ve bought some chocolates and a couple of musical decorations to add to all the others. Won’t put the decorations up until Dec. I love Christmas. We don’t have a big family, but as I’m sure you’ve gathered my family are very, very important to me. Having them around makes it what it is. If they weren’t, I know I’d feel very different. Just want Dad to have his op and start to improve, even if slowly. I’m hoping, and my mum is hoping they’ll be able to come and stay with us for a week or so over the festive period. She most definitely needs a break too! Everyone comes to us Xmas Day and I love it. 

I know the Emeli Sande song, and can also relate to the lyrics. I pity myself too. I’ve always wished I was “normal”. Normal women go out and shop. They spend their money on lovely clothes, or items for the home. Me, all I want to do with my money is gamble it away. That’s not normal. That’s not logical. That’s stupidity. Standing at a fruit machine, putting in note after note, it embarrasses me. I wonder what people think of me. The awful feeling of having to try and put on a brave face as you leave the bingo hall/casino/bookies. I think others can see by your face that you’ve had a bad day - no matter how much you try to cover it up. 

We started to watch Close to me tonight. We watched one and a half episodes. We both thought it was pretty ok, so far. It has mystery, the thing that I most like and enjoy in a drama. 

I’m up early tomorrow making cupcakes. Going to see my parents on Saturday, and taking them a batch. 

Have a good Friday tomorrow Captain.

Tizzy xxx