Life With Sports Bets Only

Hi Captain,

Thanks for your nice message. I actually feel better today. I know I say it often, I’m very lucky. My situation, OH etc etc. A lot of the time that is enough. Worries are put into perspective. And I’m a relatively happy person. I’d alway love to gamble, but possibly because I’m feeling fine, the beast we talk about - well, I’m able to keep it right to the back of my mind. I’ve just acknowledged that when I’m feeling less happy, flat, that’s when I turn to gambling. I know you’re right about getting other hobbies. Doing something that is uplifting. You and I both know it won’t give me the same buzz as gambling, but it would give me some kind of buzz. A healthy one!

We’re going out tonight, maybe that’s why I feel ok. I have been looking forward to it. 

It is a shame we can’t elaborate more, as I’ve said before, there’s so much I’d love to be able to share with you. And you’ve said the same. Maybe one day..

Arsenal are playing The Hammers! We need a win to have any chance of CL next season. ???

We watched the end of the Split. I was crying, very emotional. I just wished we’d seen Christie come back for Hannah. But I’m a girl - we need happy endings lol. 

Be good on the dating site ?

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Yes, very pleased with Arsenal’s win. No doubt you saw the result and thought of me ? Arsenal have done very well of late, what with beating both Utd and Chelsea. I really want to see us get 4th spot. But Arsenal won’t make it easy for themselves ?

I can relate to the challenge you face on days off - with filling your days with things to do. For me, it’s the days when I don’t have anything to do that I think more about gambling. I go to bingo generally 3 times a week. I go, I play bingo, I spend the same amount of money every time. I don’t chase any losses, I don’t play slots. I spend the amount of money I intend to. And whilst I agree it is still gambling I can say 100% it causes me no problems at all. There is a big element to the evening that is social. I know quite a few people and obviously chat a lot to those I’m closest to. But on days when I’m going (I usually go the same nights every week, deffo a creature of habit) I’m happier. I look forward to going out and I think of gambling less, slot gambling. I guess some will say I’m still getting my fix. I don’t want to live a life where I’m frightened to buy a £1 lottery ticket because many recovered CG’s consider it wrong. We know inside us what’s wrong for us as individuals. 

We watched Grace tonight. It was a bit too complicated for me! OH had to explain some of it? But it passed almost 2 hours, it wasn’t bad. We flicked back and forth to BBC2 to see Ronnie win his 7th world championship. There’s no way I could watch it continuously, it would drive me around the bend!

I guess I’d better get some sleep, we have our little Grandson tomorrow so no doubt I’ll need some energy ?

Tizzy xxx

Evening Captain,

After I’d messaged you last night I was thinking about you and your situation. Currently all you’re doing is going through the motions of living. 
What do you actually enjoy about your current life, if anything? What do you look forward to? 

I get that for someone who has spent thirty odd years gambling (me too remember) it takes a hell of a lot more time to “get over it”….. if ever. Maybe if we lived to 150 we might stand more of a chance of that happening eh? 

You said you’re also feeling unsettled. Any idea what has brought this on? Any recent changes? 

I haven’t felt my best today. I’ve been ok. Maybe I should start grading my day! I worry about my Dad as you know. But I also worry about silly things. Well not silly, but things like annual check ups, routine blood tests. I think far too much into things. 

We have Grandson again tomorrow. They’re coming around 9, so I’d better get my beauty sleep. 

I hope tomorrow is better for us both my friend,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I know I’ve told you this before, but I’m going to tell you again…I remember a few years ago when I was in the midst of my online addiction. I used to think to myself if I won the lottery I’d be able to gamble all day every day! That’s all I wanted to do. Not totally convinced using past tense is completely honest, but you get the picture. 

For the record I have no bucket list either. I know if I wanted to go anywhere in the world OH would take me. But I don’t. It doesn’t interest me in the slightest. The main difference between you and I is the fact I have a significant other. He’s someone I share most things with, and hopefully vice versa. I think with you, you’ve spent so much time on your own now, you have no real desire to enter a relationship. Obviously your financial situation doesn’t help either. But from things you’ve said, I’m not sure you could handle being around someone 24/3 let alone 24/7. I’m of the opinion that if that someone is right for you, then you would be able to. I also think that if that person was right for you, they’d also help you to start enjoying other things in your life. But you know all that, I have said it numerous times ?

I need to sleep, I had an awful night last night and was up early today. We’ve got Grandson again tomorrow and we’re going to watch him at his swimming class first thing. 

Before I go, we started to watch DI Ray tonight - good news, it wasn’t bad ??that will continue. 

Tizzy xxx

Morning Captain,

Well, after my last message to you I went to bed and woke up at 1am, I was as sick as a dog. It was awful. We’d had a pizza take away and some chicken. OH was fine, so whether the bit I ate was off, or whether it just didn’t agree with me I don’t know. But yesterday I felt awful. I was achey and weak. I felt sicky. Fortunately I’ve woken up today feeling 90% better! 

Whilst in bed (I went to bed after Grandson was picked up at 4pm yesterday) I flicked on to The Paul Merson programme. I only watched the first ten minutes as I chose to watch The Masterchef Final. But, the bit I did see told me something. You probably haven’t watched it yet. But there were things he was saying as he was walking around enjoying spectacular views. He said whilst he was gambling he was unable to enjoy such simple pleasures. He would either be worrying about his past, regretting I guess and thinking too much about his future (worrying what it held because if his addictions) it made me think - this applies to both you and me Captain. My issue is the fact I’m spending far too much time worrying. As we get older we all have check ups etc and I’m worrying blood test will show something nasty etc etc. I know it’s a very negative way to think (worry) once I get my logical head on I’m ok. As I’ve said before, I’m then able to put things into perspective. But because I’m spending sooooo much time worrying about what *could* happen I’m missing out on happiness and enjoying moments of actual happiness. I read on a womens website once, a woman was referring back to all the times she’d worried about this that and the other….she said if she’d had everything she’d worried about she’d have been dead 10 times over. But she was here and fighting fit! It’s kind of right isn’t it? I hope you’re understanding my point. And I know it’s the same for you, not necessarily the worrying bit, but your past consumes your thoughts. Your future (not being what you imagined) depresses you, of course I completely understand why. But you’re missing out too. You and me both maybe should make a pact about not looking further than a couple of days. We must *MUST* learn to enjoy what we have *right now* …..we both have agreed previously that it’s far more than a lot of people have. 

I know you don’t like the sun ☀️ that much. It makes me happy - maybe that’s why you’ve got a positive post (I hope) Anyway I’m going down this afternoon to get my feet and nails done ?- I need a bit of pampering ?

I hope you’re ok.

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

It was OH’s turn to feel ill today. Not sure if it was a bug that I’ve now passed to him, it’s just odd. Anyway, I had to venture out on my own this evening. OH insisted. It did me good to drive myself for a change. Just hope he feels better tomorrow. 

Getting back to the Paul Merson programme, totally agree the walking and countryside should have been part of the programme. If it was done more formally, as a proper interview it would probably be taken more seriously by people who have gambling issues. He was laughing around, acting the fool (what I saw) he was a sports pundit for Sky (not sure if he still is as they recently had a shake up) and he was quite funny, likeable. I personally didn’t think he looked too bad, maybe you’re being a tad critical ?

I saw my friend at bingo tonight. She really has a bad problem. I’m not sure if I said before, but her hubby has MS, and has really started to go downhill. Her life has changed dramatically, not just financially. I believe this is playing a big part re her problems. Gambling is an escapism for her. And when she’s there she just doesn’t want to leave! When I arrived today she’d just got her money back, I tried to persuade her to go home, to no avail. I will shortly she kept saying. I left at 9:15 and she was still there - skint. I really feel for her, but at the same time I know she won’t take any notice of me. How do I know? Because I don’t take any notice if people who have tried to help me, or offer me advice over the years. You have to want to do it yourself, that’s the only way, well it’s the first step of many.

You speak about holidays etc etc being able to enjoy them knowing you had a race to watch or listen to at the end if the day. Winning would make you enjoy things more, yes I completely get that. After you’d discovered gambling, nothing else came close. But what about before gambling? Can you remember? Have you always wanted more than “normal life”?

The worries I talk about, blood tests and such like are annually, because I take medication daily. So I have to have an annual review ?I wish I didn’t. In July I’ve got the yearly check up for the ladies issue I had last year ? OH also has similar annual review and eye tests….. the lists go on as you get older. To be honest, I stay away from doctors as much as I can. Like you, I’ll only go to the doc if I really REALLY have to. 

The last couple of days I’ve tried not to give any of my time to worrying. I’ve changed the channel in my head when my mind has started to wander. If only it worked all the time. 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I’m sorry to hear the spark hasn’t worked. Maybe you’re looking too hard for a solution. I have no doubt you want out of the way you’ve been feeling. We can’t help the way we feel. It’s really difficult to pull ourselves together at times. It’s not easy for a normal person, but for someone battling addiction it’s twice as hard. I hope you can find another way to get you through this bad period you now find yourself in. I know it previously wasn’t great, but it was better. 

Gambling has so much to answer for. How can something we feel we love so much cause us sooooooo much damage? Hurt us so much. It pretends to be our friend, our saviour, it takes away our stress, briefly. It allows us to escape anything we want to, all the while we are playing. But there’s always that *thud* back to reality when we run out of ammunition. Gambling is no longer our friend, that is, until the next time….

I haven’t had a great few days. OH and I have been bickering. We are both at fault, but I take thunks to heart and get upset. 

We have watched all of DI Ray. We thought it wasn’t bad. I’ll be interested to hear your thoughts. 

I hope you felt able to go to work today and are feeling a bit better.

Sending hugs,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I understand what you’re saying about your hopes for “the spark”. Obviously you’re very disappointed. Any chance of a brighter future would be brilliant. I don’t want to be or sound patronising but I do believe things will get better. I know you have to run a very tight ship because of finances. And obviously if you had more spare cash that would help in some ways. But what is dragging you down the most? The regret? The fact you can never (should never) live your life with your favourite pastimes? The fact your life is flat and has no excitement? 

Maybe now is not the time for you for you to go into more detail. I’m here if/when you want to respond. 

Things came to a bit of a head today with OH. We really had a fallout. Things are better this evening. But lots of things were said, and I’m feeling a little bruised, not physically. I do think he’s getting older. He’s 10 years older than me, and I think he’s getting more grumpy. He on the other hand would probably say the same about me ?

We started to watch the second episode of Grace tonight. The first hour was pretty good we’ll watch the rest tomorrow night. 

Arsenal play Spurs tomorrow night too. I’m sure you’re aware if we beat them we’re in CL next season. A big game. It’ll be difficult, but like with many Derby’s, form goes out the window! 

Night night Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, 

The weekend is almost over. It’s been a rubbish day today. Although as a neighbour suggested, we do need the rain. 

We are off out this evening. OH and I are now ok, just had a few sh***y days. It happens. 

We’ve started watching another drama on Netflix, as we’ve run out of things to watch on usual channels. 

I hope your weekend has been “ok”. Have you ventured into the chat room lately? 

Sorry, I haven’t got a lot to say today. ?

Will catch up in the week,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Its hard for us both atm. I’m not feeling my best and neither are you. So it’s difficult for either of us to make the other smile. 

My Father’s wound is getting worse. Nurses are coming every other day but it could do with every day - but then my parents don’t get a “free day”. They have no idea what time the nurses will call, understandably, but until they’ve been, my parents will be sitting there, kind of waiting. I suggested my Father contact the doctor a few weeks ago. But he didn’t. He has phoned his surgeons secretary, she said she’ll look into it, but nothing seems to be happening. I really think he should contact his own doc and explain his whole situation. I’m sorry to go on about this, it just gets me down at times. At other times I try to kind of block it out and tell myself they will sort him out. If I didn’t, I’d just feel low all the time. 

I understand what you’re saying about the flatness being worse than the highs and lows of gambling. In reality it’s not worse than the lows (they can be awful) but, as you say, we get over the low pretty quick. If we didn’t we wouldn’t keep doing it over and over again. And yes, the more lows you have, the quicker you heal. Nothing replaces the high. Well, nothing currently does in my life or yours. 

We went to bingo last night. My friend was there. She had another bad day. I try to talk to her. But I know a lot of what I say is falling on deaf ears. She keeps saying she is going to do something about her gambling but at the moment the times not right, but she’s “getting there”. I’ve said to her don’t get to rock bottom before you do something. It’ll cause so much damage. She asked me where I’m at. And quite honestly Captain I don’t know. I go often to bingo and I don’t play slots. But occasionally I’ll go to another place. I don’t want to stop. But does any CG? When they still have ammunition and opportunity to get their fix. I just don’t know where I’m at. But what I do know is I don’t want to get myself into a hole, like so many on here do. That’s what scares me. 

Anyway, I wish you a better week.

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Good to hear from you. 

There’s much I’d love to share with you. Had lots of big events happened over the last few months, finishing yesterday. 

So, we have our Grandson now for almost a week! He arrived at 6 this morning ?I’m not used to such an early start to the day. We are taking him away for a few days, just somewhere pretty local. So by the end of the week I’ll probably have aged 10 years! ???

Sad to say you were right about Arsenal. Extremely disappointing. But to be honest it was all in their hands. CL play was theirs to lose, and they lost it. I also believe Spurs will do better than we would, if I’m being totally honest. Liverpool extremely unlucky, Man City showed the champions they are by turning around their game totally, and winning the Premier League. 

So, you’ve been on a couple of actual dates. You say nothing can come if this long term. I think you need to go in with the right attitude. You’re not to far off there. You absolutely do need to be respective of others and their feelings. But, I am a firm believer of what’s meant to be. So bearing that in mind, if you were to meet someone, then you’d have to open up somewhat. I know that won’t be easy. But you have to give that person the choice. But, that bridge needs to crossed if and when that situation arises. For now, enjoy some female company. Have you been out for drinks or a meal? Share as much info as you can please - I’m interested. ?

Your BFF,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Greetings from a very tired Nana! I’ve been going to bed around 9pm and waking around 5:30am! Just two more nights to go, then it’s the other Nana’s turn. We had fun while we were away. We went swimming, hired bike carts and ate loads! I was impressed with the caravan, it was only £160 for 4 nights, very reasonable. And considering it was a caravan, the bed was pretty comfortable, definitely slept in worse ???

We are off out for a meal shortly. Then I’m hoping to stay awake to watch the CL final. ??Think I’ll need a holiday soon ???

With regard to the online dating, as I said before: you’ve just got to take it one step at a time. But it sounds like that’s your plan, so I hope it adds some *spice* to your life. Nothing wrong with a bit of spice Captain eh? Lol. If ever you need any advice, friend to friend, I’m always here ?just make sure you keep me up to date with anything juicy ?

Popped out shopping yesterday as Grandson was at nursery. Fortunately I came home with the same amount of money that I went with. A big sigh of relief….definitely luck more than judgement.

I hope your weekend is going ok. Are we up to a 4 or 5 yet? I hope so ??

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I remember the dating game well. I had a few knocks myself. We’re not everyone’s cuppa. The problem is, it hurts. I never thought about that side of it when you said you’d started engaging with some women. Get back on the horse Captain, plenty of fish and all that…. ❤️

So I dropped grandson at nursery today. His other Nana is picking him up and is now on duty. I have to admit I had a nap this afternoon, I was knackered Captain! But I already miss him ❤️❤️

Again I’ve been bickering with OH. I really think he’s getting older and a bit miserable. He has an awful habit of being sarcastic about things, digging at me and it really P****s me off. I just can’t be bothered to talk to him quite honestly. As I’ve always said he’s very good in many ways, I guess no one’s perfect ?

You’re definitely right about me and gambling. I liked your *ad-hoc* terminology. It’s correct. I guess I *try* not to gamble. But as I’ve tried to explain before, I like the fact of knowing *I can* if I want to. I like having my little *stash* in the drawer. But obviously being the person I am, I will never continually be content in *just knowing I can*, inevitably I will always give in to temptation every so often. When I’m bored, or upset etc etc, *only slightest excuse needed*.

I hope you’re ok my friend ?

Tizzy xxx

Its payday and I dont want to bet

Past gambling success I'm trying to forget

The joy of a win when a football team score

Then gamble on greyhounds give it all back and more

But life without gambling is empty and a bore

Only looking forward to sleeping and a snore

Dreams so much better than everyday real life

But no doubt gambling would bring even more strife

Another football season I don't think I can face

I miss the thrilling climax of a horse race

I'd like to be happy but I cannot lie

A part of me hopes this is the year that I die

Captain,

I didn’t like your poem, I realise I’m not meant to. I guess living life with an addiction, trying to turn a corner and add some spice to your life, then getting rejected has hit you hard. I don’t know what to say. I want to cheer you up…. My bestie The Captain. The fact is, as I said yesterday, we’re not everyone’s cup of tea. She must have liked the look of you to have a second date. Surely that’s a positive. Some women are picky. IMHO it’s her loss, and I’ll get more of your time messaging me! ?

OH and I are ok. Of late yes we been bickering a bit. I think having our Grandson more hasn’t helped. OH just seems to have less patience as he’s getting older. And he’s had a naughty word slip out in front of Grandson, that infuriates me. He’s at that age where he repeats so much. Fortunately he’s not repeated a naughty word, but I’d be devastated if he did! I’m not one if those Nanas that find it amusing, not at all! 

How’s work at the moment? You’ve not mentioned it recently. 

Not sure if I said, but my Father has an appointment on 10th June, hopefully they’ll decide what they’re going to do to fix the problems. Also as he’s recently had a CT scan, this should make it easier for them to determine what the problem is and the best way forward. We can live in hope. 

We started to watch the last episode of Grace last night. But I got tired and had to go to bed so will probably finish that off tonight. 

I hope you’re ok. Sending you a big hug ? 

Tizzy xxx