lost the plot..

londonbloke,keep up the good work we can beat this evil habit thats ruined our lives..the money situation and gambling is a vicious circle but every day gamble free is a step in the right direction..it will take very long time time for me to see light at end of tunnel but im determined..stay strong mate and good luck..

Hi

Many, many thanks john.w, jackie, S.A, 28black, W, and winningpost for your support, advice and encouragement.

It really means an awful lot to know that "none of us" are alone dealing with what we are trying to achieve here.

Just got in from work and its another day over with. Very, very busy at work but as i've said before it takes my mind off everything which is a good thing.

Had a phone call on my mobile tonight from a women representing a gambling site where i had blown 1000's and have since then self excluded, saying i had won a prize to go to this celebrity big brother final night eviction thing thats on the TV.

I was shocked and puzzled cos didn't know what she was on about but she said i had stacked so much on Big Brother scratchcards that i qualified. She said there were 1000's in that random draw and i was 1 of the 5 drawn out. Get to meet em picked up dropped off, food , all that stuff ,etc ..

I said thanks but not interested and told her i had closed the account, and that i didn't want to go... She replied ok if i was sure and that she would draw another ticket.

I did ask her if they could just whack me a score instead, or perhaps send me a gift voucher for Argos (i could get a new kettle then)!. But she laughed and said she can't do that..very nice lady.

Reason i'm mentioning this is because i used to just always play the slots on that site but i must of been so P****** out my head and just so far away on another planet that i was betting it away on everything and anything in a last desperate attempt to get something back.

I don't for the life of me remember playing the scratchcard games at all, all a blank..(They were never my thing, just was'nt interested in them)

Pretty sad stuff really and another example of just how bad things had got for me over Xmas that i don't even recall what i was betting on...sheer madness..really was.

Its another thing for me to keep looking back on and remembering just how out of control i was during them dark days and another reason for me to put it all to bed.

But happly thats all in the past for me and come today at 4pm i'll be on 16 days without any form of a bet..

They soon pass, some quicker than others, some easier than others, but its still the same 1 day at a time for me and tomorrow is YET AGAIN ANOTHER DAY.

Keep strong everyone..best wishes to you all

Takecare.

Hi londonbloke

Ive just read your last post and it reminded me of a night out where i and my missus had too much to drink.We went to bed about 1 oclock in the morning and switched on the tv. There was a programme on called the mint.They give out a word and you have to phone them up with another word. that goes along side it to form another word. This particular night the word was gold.My missus was convinced it was ring (goldring )and i was convinced that it was finch (goldfinch)so we both got our mobiles and kept on ringing the studio.Most times a voice would just say you have not reached the studio and on the odd occasion it said you have reached the studio and then later said you have not been selected.We got up next morning and thought nothing of it.When we got our phone bills they were itemised and we had been phoning up the studio for nearly an hour both our bills were over £200 each (usually £25) lol.So we can all let the beer take over and do stupid things.Anyway Londo bloke im glad to see you are more upbeat these last few posts.Keep chipping away m8 Jeff. Ps the answer was finch typical eh .

hello mate too much drink never did me no favours either !! glad you still got that sensible head on mate , im keeping drink to 'normal' levels hoping that keeps the brain working ok. keep it up mate. john.

Hi Londonbloke

Your posts appear to have come full circle, you now seem genuinely keen to stop - not fully convinced you were earlier.

Think that them contacting you is well out of order, at best it just does not feel right - might even be against code of conduct....

Anyway mate, think you have done superb so far , keep plugging away and you WILL beat this.

All the best!

london bloke..thanks for posting on my diary..16 days (17 today) and counting mate..well done on refusing that offer,there most prob would have been a catch somewhere..keep it going mate we can win this battle

Hi

Just got in from work, another 7 day shift out the way and i'm knackered.

Very very busy, things all back to normal now after the xmas and new year breaks so all the stress and hassle returns.

I'm off now till sat so can chill out and recover. Even treated meself to 8 cans tonight from my tips (shouldn't of really as things are very tight, but felt i have earned them)

Today come 4pm i'm gonna hit the 20 day mark, blimey 20 days already without a gamble. They soon past don't they.

I have always thought things would get easier as each "gamble free" day passes but think with me now its the other way round.

I've had more than a few urges these past few days, bad day at work, come home start thinking about slot machines.Its like some sort of trigger at times with me..

They were my escape from it all... The stress, the grief, thats what i did i would gamble to make myself feel happy and i guess now i feel very lost to some extent without it there.

Yeah i know fast forward 3/4 hours after blowing a huge amount i'd feel 10 times worse (we've all been there) but that buzz i used to get especially when i first started that "session" well i'd be on top of the world.

But thats all done, finished i'm not going back to all that.

But i can't stop thinking about it!!

One day at a time i keep saying.. i wish i could fast forward this whole year. I know shouldn't say that but at least then i'd be out the woods and debt free.

At least then i could start living again..

My debt is doing my head in , think about it all the time, i'll pay them that, him that, half off that etc etc on and on it goes in my head, lay awake at night working it all out, sometimes i feel like my heads gonna explode i really do..Then just like that i begin to think...if 5 of them dropped in i'd be sorted!!! Its crazy ain't it how it messes with your head..

This is all my own fault i know, just because i had this thing for watching 5 reels spin round and round thinking that i'd get the progressive jackpot, all my troubles would be over i've got myself in the s*** big time.

Well its payback time now, and i'm feeling it

Sorry to rant, my days off were always the worse for me... i feel "the eagles, take it to the limit coming on" used to always play this after a very bad session..

This time i'm gonna play it because i love the song..

Thanks jeff, john, winning post and seenthelight for your replies..

20 days come 4pm...lets make it 21..

Thanks for listening, keep strong all

Takecare

haven't heard from you for a few days. i was assuming the worse, as that sort of thing normally happens on this forum. but very glad to hear that you have kept it going.

i am kind of stumbling and also finding it hard to cope with the urges. i guess if my day-to-day living expenses were more manageable i'd not stress so much but i am short of money and my basic needs aren't covered and i am out of options.

i have brought this upon myself and there is only 1 way to dig myself out for certain. but i feel i do not feel any confidence for payday in 2.5 weeks time. i am very exposed.

Hey Londonbloke.. well done on your gambling free time.. like you say, the days soon mount up.

Something that helps me when "thoughts" from the devil may come along is to really force myself to think through what happens before and during a gambling session. Cos am sure you'd agree that once the excitment of the anticipation of gambling gets going its very easy just to run with that "emotion" straight to gambling BUT like i say it helps me to think it through to stop that happening.

I think to myself... what happens when i win with my first pound and then i think to myself what happens if I don't win with my first pound. To cut a long story short the end result is always "no money"... including those rare occasions when i'd walk out with a win and a pay a few bills cos i'd always put some of that win aside for more gambling.. and hey ho the money would go.. and then i'd chase and bla bla...

.... its being able to think things through when it matters.. thats the hard work of recovery... anyway keep safe a day at a time as i keep myself safe a day at a time. Cheers.. S.A 🙂

it is very difficult, in my case anyway. sometimes i go in and already i know that i will probably lose every remaining penny. if i lose £1k in a day, i may go back in with my last £100 trying to get even. the odds are stacked against me and i am not expectant of success. the consequence is that the £100 could feed me for a month but i still risk it and empty out all rational thinking from my head.

Hi

Thanks 28black and S.A for your replies

Well today at 4pm i will reach 24 days without a gamble.

Payday is just a week away today, it seems sometimes after i've blown everything that the weeks in between paydays often drag on so slowly.

As soon as its paid in its going straight back out to the various people that are top of the repayment list. There are many chasing me who won't get much this month but rome wasn't built in a day and as much as i'd like to pay them all back in 1 hit, i just can't. This is gonna take months. I have contacted most of them and have agreed to pay monthly installments till i can afford more.

But gonna clear off 1 debt completely which i'm gonna be chuffed to bits with when its all repaid. So its a step forward in the right direction.

Very busy at work, been working over the weekend, and i do sometimes think whats the point as it feels as if i'm working for nothing but then i snap out of it and concentrate on the positives.

Things will get better and tomorrows another day and it won't always be like this ..etc.

Just been reading an article in an old paper i had from last week about these loan sharks charging 1,500% interest, terrible really is.. but if i could of got a loan from them on the 24th/25th Dec when i last gambled and blew a fortune, i was so far gone i would of taken it from them, thats what this thing does to me.

It just takes over completely.

So thats why i'm glad that i've almost reached 24 days. I still have a mountain to climb, but its one that is getting easier day by day.

Takecare all , keep strong, we can and we will beat this.

Thanks for listening

Hi LB,

Congrats on reaching 24 days - that's a great achievement. here's to the next 24 days, and more! I know what you mean about the feeling of working for nothing, when you have so much to pay back to people at teh end of the month. I'm in the same boat. You're not working for nothing though - by paying these people back, you are putting yourself in a much better financial position, which will, after time, give you the freedom to enjoy your life which doesn't include the misery of gambling.

Your comment about the loan sharks ring s true with me. i am currently paying back 'payday loans' that are at like 2000% apr. It's shocking these companies are allowed to run. but they will continue to do so because people like me, in times of desperation, have utilisaed their services. As you start paying off your debts, you can live witht he peace that you will never need to deal with these companies - you will be able to live within your means, save a little for a rainy day, and spend your hard-earned money on things that are worth it.

Keep up the good work, mate.

Alan

well done on your progress. I also worked over the weekend so have not had any rest. was working for my mum as a favour so only got a score out of it plus food. but it is better than nothing.

enjoyed watching the football over the weekend. an unexpected point for my hammers and also for hull. seems this season is quite topsy turvy. bookies must be loving it. my wallet would have taken a battering.

still get few urges now and then. on sunday afternoon my gf was visiting her brother and i was at a loose end. tried to be constructive but wanted to space out instead after tiring weekend.

as for the payday loans, i must have paid £1k at least in interest in the past year. it is disgusting how they can prey on desperate people. i am so sickened by it i will never give them a penny ever again. and that will mean no more gambling for definite. in 2 weeks i will need to pay £460 plus £115 interest. that leaves many people stuck on this loan for months. i am determined not to give them any more interest so i will repay the full amount outstanding even though i may struggle with everything else next month.

hey night owl

its tough eh? i feel very bored too lately. but i do not want to get drawn into other negative habits. but now everything feels so humdrum.

there's a lot of stuff i need to do and think about but i guess im just blocking it all out.

anyway, at least we are both getting somewhere it seems. although i am still frightened of payday. i feel like i have to be on high alert at all times, never letting my guard down. man, this is tough. how did we let it get this way?

Hi

Thanks 28black, yep guess i am a bit of a night owl, work late shifts most of the time so don't get home till 12-30 ish sometimes later..also don't sleep so good, got lots on my mind and it can take me hours sometimes to get off to sleep. But i don't work till the afternoon so i ain't up too early.

(doing earlies next week so thats gonna be a shock to the system).

Well Payday is just a few days away and as i've blown the past 5 months wages almost the same night it gets paid in the bank this next one is going to be a huge step forward for me..

I've got so many blocks in place though this time, i can't go on-line all blocked/no debit cards/self excluded, etc..

And then of course i've got all my debts which are all maxed out and if i blow it again i think i'd get no more chances and would lose pretty much everything.

So its last chance saloon for me, but i'm gonna get through it ..In fact the day my money clears i'll have a read of my diary from the start right up to now just to remind me off the really difficult times (not that i need reminding as i'm living them on a daily basis) but i think it will help.

Got to be honest though and say i have had plenty of thoughts about.. must be due a decent win/maybe i'll nick 100 quid...all that sort of stuff.. but i'm fighting them, am sick of all the grief and the stress that its all caused me..

Got 3 days off as well after friday night so got to keep myself busy.

I watched that slumdog millionaire last night when i got in from work, enjoyed it, first time i've seen it but of course it set me head off thinking about all the "what if's"..but its an uplifting story nonetheless.

Come 4pm today its 27 days without a gamble. I've survived another month living on almost nothing and come the day after payday when i've paid off some of my debt and bills i think i'm gonna feel on top of the world ..

Keep strong everyone

Takecare