Making it work

Sometimes we find that forum members come and go. Others prefer to post almost daily. When there is a void of posting or responses it is often seen as a cause for concern. Has the person returned to gambling, but cannot bring themselves to admit it online, or have they gone quiet for some other reason?

Personally I do find the site quite addictive. Even when I'm not posting regularly I will often be thinking about other forum members with concern and speculation. Of course, it's a form of social media and for many it can almost be a lifeline for when they are taken to the brink of despair.

However I believe that there may be a danger of being drawn back into a gambling temptation simply on the basis of thought connection with the subject matter. In other words; the act of being involved in discussing the subject of gambling may indeed hold us back from moving on with our lives. Obviously the time to stand up with confidence and dispell any possible thoughts of gambling varies from person to person. But the point is: just like counselling or cognitive therapy, it's often broken down into sessions, i.e not continuing indefinitely. Surely if someone has therapy to discuss and address issues in their life, they will be encouraged to put practical and psychological measures in place in order to improve, accomplish and manage. They may have additional sessions further down the line in order to get back on track. But if, week on week, month after month they continue to discuss the same things, going over the same ground - it may end up being counter-productive.

Just saying,...

Good post, you have certain affiliations with some, we all create little circles and look out mostly to folks we correspond with the most, who take time out for us we take time out for them, you see all the different posters have little followings of certain folks. But those who drop away totally I hope gambling has not got back in but you do fear the worst.

TODAY I'm feeling really happy. A total transformation from the miserable git I was a few days ago. I slept for 12 hours last night and I feel bright and energetic with positivity flowing through my veins. SLEEP. Good restful, undisturbed sleep. Is that really the key to everything?

I sometimes observe others getting on happily with their lives, resentful of their chirpy nature and glowing disposition, whilst I pretended to smile. But my inner, cursed soul was struggling, dying and fading away.

I've seen both sides of the coin. I know that life is precious. Every day we live is a bonus. Today I am happy and nothing can take that away. I could be told that I was to be made bankrupt, or that I have 6 months to live. Cry, I would not. Today I am fine. Tomorrow is another day. Probably, I have lived and experienced 10 times more than a small child playing innocently in the street, getting mowed down by a wayward truck. I am grateful for what I have in my life, and for everything good that has been.

The sun is shining brightly in a pale blue sky. The crisp chill in the air reminds me that it's still late January. The dog is enjoying her crazy antics - bounding over the grass mounds; galavanting excitedly, excellerating, spinning and pausing only momentarily for a gulp of muddy water. A train zooms alongside as the birds flutter from the hedgerow. The truth is, when I feel like this, content and free my problems no longer bother me. although my debts remain and I currently have a dead-end job, I will not waste any time or energy worrying about it. Whatever will be, will be. People stress too much. We've got this life... We may even have other lives to live when we pass from this mortal coil. But we must choose to live our unique existence; for this is our opportunity to shine. With incredible experiences, achievements, humour, creativity and meaningful relationships. Some people say: "when you dead - you dead". But there's really no hard evidence either way. The sap of a tree may just be the sap, but it's also part of the tree. Just as we are all part of the universe made up of energy which cannot be destroyed, only changed...

When people get down, depressed and sorrowful it is difficult to lift them from this state of mind, regardless of the words or actions. The deep despair that takes over their lives is so very sad. I too have been very low at times, thinking: 'What the hell" - with the Robbie Williams track 'Come undone' droning on in my head, set on repeat play! Someone may even feel that their life is not worth living such is the power of the mental anguish. Looking forlornly at the bottom of the whiskey bottle, or an empty bottle of pills. Considering the debts, I'll health or lack of prospects, wallowing in self-pity. Life is sooo unfair! Perhaps they are waiting for their guardian angel to help them out, reassure and take all the problems away. And just suppose... this angel was to pay off all the debts and also deposit a lump sum into your account. Would your worries be over? Come on now, let's eat a scrumptious meal, run you a nice hot bath and prepare you for a cosy sleep. Life can be good again. But for some, even this would not be enough...

Ultimately, we can't rely on others to take our problems away, create opportunities for us or make our decisions. So it's time to accept that our destiny is firmly within our own hands.

Good to hear your mood has picked up!
This addiction can send us so low that upon trying to claw ourselves out of the massive hole we've dug, painfully inching our way to top and finally seeing that glimmer of light, I think it makes us appreciate the simple things in life more.
Personally, just to have rest and a stress level that's not permanently set at eye level, whereupon the slightest problem can make me feel out of my depth and send it over my head makes me appreciate that the effort of trying to remain gamble free is worth it.
All good wishes x

Thanks Little Miss as always for your kind words and encouragement.

Yesterday I had a 2 hour chat with my business associate Donald (recently recovered from an illness). He's a wonderful eccentric gentleman with a wealth of knowledge and experience. And he's giving me the confidence and aspiration to complete my project.

Went for a 3 mile jog on Tuesday kitted out in my new training gear. A bit rusty and huffed and puffed, but I felt good when I returned.

Cooked steak, egg and chips for me and my OH, followed by a good film on TV and a cuddle on the sofa. Life can be good (without gambling) and it feels like I got my mojo back. Of course life is never perfect. For a start I wore my Wednesday socks on Tuesday, although now it's past midnight they're perfectly valid.

I must confess that on 2 occasions in the past 3 months I have been very close to Gambling. I had convinced myself that life was $hit and I had no money, which gave me the reason and the excuse. I even wrote out a bet in the bookmakers ready to place it, but then stopped suddenly, almost in a trance. My anger and trepidation boiled over and I screwed up the football coupon into a ball, and hurled it into the bin.

Life can be tough. But we don't need to make it unbearable.

...... END OF DIARY ......

I have decided to bring my diary to an end. With closure, appreciation, reflection and meaningful conclusion. I feel that it is time for me to move on with my life and keep all thoughts of gambling at a safe distance. Decidedly, this will mean a disconnection with the GamCare Forum.

I am so grateful for having had the opportunity to share thoughts and information with other members on this website. But it's more than that - I have really taken to heart the genuine, thoughtful and helpful people. As well as the GamCare staff who provide a sympathetic ear, understanding and structure to every C.G. reaching out for help.

It can make a world of difference knowing that there are people out there who actually care and understand what you're going through.

I would like to give a special mention to those who have really connected with me, through their posts in such a meaningful way over the past 15 months.

____________________________

ABSTAINER - A real genuine guy. You can't help but love him and be touched by his compassion, soul and humour.

ALAN 135 - A most welcome voice for keeping things in perspective. Reminding us all that life should not be taken too seriously.

CARDHUE - Mate, you really know you're stuff. Top banana. Backbone of the forum.

DANNY JG - One of the first to hold out the hand of friendship to me. Made me realize that gambling addiction is all mixed up in the mind, but also thankfully that clarity of thought can be resumed.

JOY DIVIDER - An inspiration. Knowledge, reality check in hand. Totally on the nail.

LIFE BEGINS - Helpful, thought provoking. Reaching out to others in such a selfless, honest fashion.

LITTLE MISS LOST - She ain't lost at all! Gambling has continually tried to ruin things, but this girl's got bottle and determination.

LULUBOBS 1966 - Wonderful, entertaining. Living life with passion and resolution.

MATT 24 - A remarkable example of recovery; Matt decided that enough was enough. He made a decision to change, and stuck to it. From the depths of despair became a life of fulfillment.

MIXER - Been there, seen it - got the T-shirt. Humility and serenity. No false pretences. Gives everything. Takes nothing for granted. Excellent presentation and application.

ODAAT - The girl on the train. One of the first to greet me on this forum. An Ambassador for G.A. and the 12 steps. Kelly tells it how it is! A no nonsense approach.

SHARON 41 - Down to earth girl. Somehow got caught up in this horrendous activity called gambling. But now showing the way with dedicated abstinence and recovery.

SHATTERED 79 - The analysis. Looking at addiction from every angle with a clear perspective.

SILLY COW - Cheerful, uplifting, friendly and appreciative.

SMASHED - Definite similarities with myself. A life of gambling. A quest for change. Plans for the future. A fire burning within, achingly desperate, but determined. Wholesome gratification. The smiling eyes of a precious daughter.

4D - Has the ability to think at a deeper level. Defeating the compulsion, through knowledge and life experiences, one day at a time.

Thank you to all, including those that I've not mentioned. You've all been a significant part of the journey, and I'll never forget.

SO WHAT HAS CHANGED SINCE I GAVE UP GAMBLING?

Have I blossomed, excelled and broken out from entrapment like a butterfly from a chrysalis?

Well not exactly... The past will always be with me. But as ALAN says: It's ok to look back - just don't stare!

The real changes in my life are a change in mindset. I feel that I am less inclined to act with mindless, spontaneous, shameful willfulness. I understand more about the addiction, triggers, barriers and psychology.

I also now realize that the underlying problem is not really the gambling issue - it's my relationship with money. Thinking back over my life I never considered with much importance the crucial elements which are money management, budgeting, saving and spending wisely. And it's partly because of my carefree attitude towards spending that I've always been in such a financial mess!

I'm sure that many of us accept credit cards, loans, H.P. and overdrafts without batting an eyelid. But if we really think about it - the only justifiable loan we should have is a mortgage on a property. Other than that, it's a case of greed, impatience and laziness.
Imagine a world where there was no credit available. Where we had to work hard and save up for the things we want. Instead of the 'Buy now - pay later' sinario. Just as the lyrics spell out in the track: 'I wouldn't believe your Radio' - by the Stereophonics - "You can have it all if you like. And you can pay for it the rest of your life".

Finally, my overall reflection is that I think my research and experience with gambling has given me a strong resolution based on FACT, rather than hopefulness.
Because let's face it.... Gambling in any form is a risky business. You cannot beat the odds over the longer term. Believe me, I've tried dozens of different betting systems and methods, trying to work out a way to provide me with an extra income or even a massive windfall.
Even recently I had to concede to another dead-end betting fantasy, as I followed the footie results based upon imaginary stakes. Very nearly a viable option. But no. Definitely NO. And I've finally kissed goodbye to the whole god-d**n gambling circus.

I hope you reconsider and just check in now and again, as you have helped me massively in my recovery, your words of wisdom and advice have been insparational, of course I realise what your doing and 100% agree it's our relationship with money that is our downfall. If not I wish you all the best for you and your family. Your Gamcare Brother 🙂

Hi Martin, thanks for my special mention & a heartfelt thanks from me for not banishing your diary into cyber space like so many other people before you! I often think of you as I look out of the window on my commute & really will get round to reading that book one day!

I wish you every success in your onwards journey but will say just because you’ve signed off on this chapter, don’t be too proud to come back if the wind changes.

Be safe my friend, be happy ODAAT - Kelly

Thank you Martin for the kindness, wisdom and joy you have always shown me. You have been a great role model to many of us on the diaries. I have always found it encouraging to see friends like you up ahead and it has kept my hopes alive.

I wish you every success in your endeavours and the peace, love and contentment which you deserve.

I totally respect your wish to end your diary but I will miss following your thoughtful posts. You have a deep understanding of the addiction, great insight into human behaviour and a good sense of humour.

Take care my friend....stephen

changemylife wrote: TODAY I'm feeling really happy. A total transformation from the miserable git I was a few days ago. I slept for 12 hours last night and I feel bright and energetic with positivity flowing through my veins. SLEEP. Good restful, undisturbed sleep. Is that really the key to everything? I sometimes observe others getting on happily with their lives, resentful of their chirpy nature and glowing disposition, whilst I pretended to smile. But my inner, cursed soul was struggling, dying and fading away. I've seen both sides of the coin. I know that life is precious. Every day we live is a bonus. Today I am happy and nothing can take that away. I could be told that I was to be made bankrupt, or that I have 6 months to live. Cry, I would not. Today I am fine. Tomorrow is another day. Probably, I have lived and experienced 10 times more than a small child playing innocently in the street, getting mowed down by a wayward truck. I am grateful for what I have in my life, and for everything good that has been. The sun is shining brightly in a pale blue sky. The crisp chill in the air reminds me that it's still late January. The dog is enjoying her crazy antics - bounding over the grass mounds; galavanting excitedly, excellerating, spinning and pausing only momentarily for a gulp of muddy water. A train zooms alongside as the birds flutter from the hedgerow. The truth is, when I feel like this, content and free my problems no longer bother me. although my debts remain and I currently have a dead-end job, I will not waste any time or energy worrying about it. Whatever will be, will be. People stress too much. We've got this life... We may even have other lives to live when we pass from this mortal coil. But we must choose to live our unique existence; for this is our opportunity to shine. With incredible experiences, achievements, humour, creativity and meaningful relationships. Some people say: "when you dead - you dead". But there's really no hard evidence either way. The sap of a tree may just be the sap, but it's also part of the tree. Just as we are all part of the universe made up of energy which cannot be destroyed, only changed... When people get down, depressed and sorrowful it is difficult to lift them from this state of mind, regardless of the words or actions. The deep despair that takes over their lives is so very sad. I too have been very low at times, thinking: 'What the hell" - with the Robbie Williams track 'Come undone' droning on in my head, set on repeat play! Someone may even feel that their life is not worth living such is the power of the mental anguish. Looking forlornly at the bottom of the whiskey bottle, or an empty bottle of pills. Considering the debts, I'll health or lack of prospects, wallowing in self-pity. Life is sooo unfair! Perhaps they are waiting for their guardian angel to help them out, reassure and take all the problems away. And just suppose... this angel was to pay off all the debts and also deposit a lump sum into your account. Would your worries be over? Come on now, let's eat a scrumptious meal, run you a nice hot bath and prepare you for a cosy sleep. Life can be good again. But for some, even this would not be enough... Ultimately, we can't rely on others to take our problems away, create opportunities for us or make our decisions. So it's time to accept that our destiny is firmly within our own hands.