Making it work

Songs, films and stories often provide a connection to our own lives with meaningful and painful memories.

I can easily relate to the following song:
'Waiting for an alibi' - by Thin Lizzy, as it reminds me of the dire consequences and dangerous liaisons that I became involved in through gambling.

In this song I play the part of Valentino.

'Valentino's got a bookie shop ( where he bets) - and what he takes he gives for what he's got. And what he's got he says he has not, stole from anyone.

It's not that he doesn't tell the truth, Or even that he misspent his youth. It's just he holds the proof, But you know something's wrong...

Valentino's in a cold sweat, but he lost all his money on that last bet. Against all the odds he smokes another cigarette - says it helps his to forget that he's a nervous wreck. It's not that he misses much. Or even that he lost his lucky touch. It's just that he gambles so much - and you know that it's wrong!

Rewind...27 years - July 1990, Seven Sisters Road, North London.

Barry, (the mini-cab driver) - my gambling mentor has assured me of a guaranteed win with his private bookmaker - An easy way to make a grand - he said. But the sorrowful horse we backed was well beaten by a 10/1 shot ridden by Willie Carson. My head slumpt into my hands, perspiration lining my forehead. Now I was getting in too deep, owing £500 to a bookie who has a zero patience policy! - Don't worry said Barry. You can max out on your credit cards, and we'll buy a few things and sell them for cash.

Trapped, helpless, desperate....
Waiting for an alibi...
An excuse for my actions, a reason maybe, or waiting for the ground to swallow me up.

Maintaining a strong willed stance on every little negative thought that passes through my mind. Nearly a year gambling free. What a difference a year makes?

Apparently, this week is - "Responsible Gambling Week". As all the operators come together to try and provide sensible options for punters. To advise on the risk of losing control. But for most of us - it's far too little too late!

As C.G's, we know from past experience that it's impossible to bet sensibly, and will end up with turmoil and financial crises.

My thoughts for the day:

If you change nothing... Then nothing will change.

If you keep doing the same things you've always done... You will continue to get what you've always got.

My song suggestion for the day is:

Reflections of my life by The Marmalade -

The changing of sunlight to moonlight,
Reflections of my life
Oh, how they fill my eyes.
The greetings of people in trouble, oh my sorrows, oh my crying.

I'm changing, arranging
I'm changing everything
Everything around me

Hi changemylife

Really pleased to see you are close to that magic 365 days gamble free and appear to be reaping the rewards from it.

No need for any alibi's now as long as we continue the path of abstaining. Good luck and keep going, your proving it can be done and helping others, including myself along that journey.

Matt

Thankyou Changemylife for the post on my diary, it brought a smile to my face and haha I did have a little jig around.

Always like reading your posts, like you say if nothing nothing changes.

Enjoyed listening to your music choices although it was sad to read that Phil Lynott was another casualty of heroin addiction.

Take care ....stephen

Its funny I drove past a bookies at around 8:30 last night and there they were taking down the Responsible Gambling Week posters. It's like "We've done our bit if anyone asks, now let's get those enticement posters back up, WIN £500 for £1 on the Irish Lottery" if you asked anyone today in a bookies what last week was they would say " I Dunno".

It's great to be able to watch a football game without the tension and distress that would be the case if I had a bet on it!

I could still try to predict the winning team and scoreline in my head, but without any risk. Like a kind of harmless, sensible bit of fun.

With my predicted 3-1 scoreline correct with just 7 minutes to go, l felt no resentment or regret that my bet was simply imaginary. On the contrary, I felt calm and strangely amused - quite the opposite for if the bet had been real. It's not over till the final whistle. The game ended up 5-2!

I'm enjoying reading the Red Dwarf book (thanks Stephen for the pointer). It's daft, clever and entertaining - Kryten adopts the body of a cat in an episode of his 'Better than Life' experience. Having excelled in a game of 'Creature Polo' - whacking small furry creatures into a goal net using a wooden mallet, whilst riding a dinosaur.

"The cat sighed. What a nice day he was having. This was just perfection. He had his huge, remote gothic castle, surrounded by its moat of milk; he had a limitless supply of cute, furry animals to be cruel to. And finally, he'd settled down. He'd met the dozen or so women who were right for him, and his wandering days were over".

'Getting all Philosophical - Part 2'

I gaze across the plentiful sea of cornfields before me; the sun shining radiantly, coating me with warmth. I ponder, Is this what God provides for us? - Sunlight, food, oxygen and rain. But then I think about the adverse weather conditions: This volitile planet with fierce storms, droughts, uninhabitable lands, floods, landslides, volcanoes and earthquakes. An in-perfect world for its flawed inhabitants.

Maybe our existence results from an unlikely occurance of astronomical, scientific and biological factors, anyway who gives a flying*u*k. Perhaps we'll never find out the true meaning of life - (yes - I have seen the Monty python film).

Happiness comes from people interacting with others.

A billionaire sits alone in an ivory tower. He/She has everything. Material goods, health, wealth and power. Yet no happiness resides. As Hendrix sang in the 'Burning of the midnight lamp' - loneliness is such a drag... Even a pet dog with its earnist cute expression might make all the difference.

What has all this got to do with gambling? or recovery? .. When we leave the gambling behind - we open our minds, heart and soul. Hopefully, on reflection - we find enlightenment and a better way forward.

We see a beautiful waterfall, sunset or rainbow; a flower, a bird, a smiling face, a landscape or a remarkable piece of artwork. But is it just the way our brains are programmed? We perceive these things - just like robots, like an animal or creature that instinctively mates - Opposites attract. Are these things just visions, or reality?

Or perhaps it is beyond our understanding, and our world and the universe is in perfect balance. The forces of nature. The ebb and flow - like a well oiled machine.

The amazing intrincity of a spiders web. The incredible migration of a flock of birds. The sonar capacity of a dolphin. The beauty of an African water lily. The unfathomable depths of the deep dark ocean. The audacious 12 step mating sequence of the common grey pigeon. A giggling new born baby. The metamorphosis from a chrysalis to a butterfly. The natural healing properties of plant extracts. Our amazing gifts of 5 bodily senses: touch, sight, taste, smell and hearing. Imagine what life would be like if we lost any of these senses?

But if we truly knew that death was the final chapter in our lives - that there really is nothing else. Maybe we would fully appreciate every single life-giving breath, and embrace every opportunity.

But then again, if we knew for sure that we will continue to exist even after death. Perhaps we'd just go with the flow, with an inner glow. We're only human after all.

My thought for the day:

Without any punters - there would be no bookmakers.

Without bookmakers - there would be no punters.

Think about it... A world without any need or desire for personal gain. Without the cruel enticement from scheming, corrupt organisations.

Oh, but it's just a bit of lively entertainment, a game of chance. Excitement. Fun... :(( NOT.

Morning Change, hope your happy and well today. Enjoyed your philosophy post 2, life is strange and things are not always what they seem, might as well just enjoy the ride and see what comes about. I turned up on planet earth with absolutely nothing and I've still got some of it left ...stephen

Thanks Stephen. Yes I am feeling happy today. I went to see my 9 year old daughters solo performance on stage. Amazing, inspiring, and another proud daddy moment. My 21 year old also achieved success today by passing her driving test.

Got me thinking too - I must not ever allow myself to relapse back to my gambling ways. For if I did - I would be sure to lose everything! Money is not that important and day-to-day life is not all about me!

My brother-in-law has recently been diagnosed with throat cancer. He has been unable to eat solids for the past 3 weeks, and today he has had surgery to fit a stent. It's heart-breaking to think that he will not be able to taste his food. He is craving steak and chips. Let us all NOT take things for granted.

Hi changemylife

Reading that about throat cancer brought memories of my Dad who unfortunately died of it, the doctors gave him 6 months and thats how long he lasted to the day it was a really terrible 6 months, but that was the closest we ever was. You wish sometimes you could see the future and like you say not take things for granted, because money cant fix cancer no matter how much money or influence you have. You must be very proud of your daughters, now go and get that car and insurance :-)............HOW MUCH !!!!!

Yes Smashed unfortunately cancer is a horrible thing, and seems to be more prominent than ever before. I'm sorry about your dad. It's painful losing someone_ and it never goes away.

You hit the nail on the head with the car insurance quotes. How can it go up from ВЈ700 to £2200 just because you pass your test!

Thankfully, I've made it through a whole calendar year without gambling. I continue to remain focused and resolute, appreciating all the good things life has to offer.

As Mixer has already stated. There have been C.G's who have been g.f. for a year or more, only sadly to commence gambling again.

I need to keep strong because it only takes a moment of weakness for the nucleus of addiction to b**t in and take over. Even years down the line I know that I will have to be on my guard.

I often think of a very famous actor who unfortunately commited suicide a couple of years ago. He had been teetotal for about 16 years, having been an alcoholic for many years previously. But one day he passed a shop and glanced through the window to set eyes on a bottle of whiskey. And that was it - he was back on the booze. Although this started out as a basic yearning desire - the addictive element kicked in, followed by dependency, and ultimately the demise of the person. Sadness prevails.

And the premiership footballer who lost over 3million pounds gambling, and even after intensive therapy he became bankrupt, suffered depression and was never able to resurrect his playing career.

Never allow stubbornness and denial to destroy your life!

Thank you to all my GamCare friends who have supported me and helped me through to this point. I couldn't have done it without your knowledge, experience, humour and encouragement.

My song for the day:-
Dear life by Beck - "You sang your swan song to the dogs. 'cause they made mincemeat of the dreams, you hung your hopes on.
So you counted out what your sins cost, while money talks to your conscience, looking like a fool for love.
Dear life, I'm holding on. How long must I wait before the thrill is gone. Dear life, come and push me up, I think the buttons stuck. Dear life, I think it's gone too far. Dear life, please lower the bar. Lower than the stars.

My name is Martin. I am a compulsive gambler - but today, I will not gamble.

Congratulation Martin on your gamble free year. Your achievement demonstrates that we can say NO to the addiction for a long period. It's good that you recognise the dangers still lurking in the shadows and I applaud your courage and tenacity. Take care and keep up the good work ...stephen

changemylife wrote: Thankfully, I've made it through a whole calendar year without gambling. I continue to remain focused and resolute, appreciating all the good things life has to offer. As Mixer has already stated. There have been C.G's who have been g.f. for a year or more, only sadly to commence gambling again. I need to keep strong because it only takes a moment of weakness for the nucleus of addiction to b**t in and take over. Even years down the line I know that I will have to be on my guard. I often think of a very famous actor who unfortunately commited suicide a couple of years ago. He had been teetotal for about 16 years, having been an alcoholic for many years previously. But one day he passed a shop and glanced through the window to set eyes on a bottle of whiskey. And that was it - he was back on the booze. Although this started out as a basic yearning desire - the addictive element kicked in, followed by dependency, and ultimately the demise of the person. Sadness prevails. And the premiership footballer who lost over 3million pounds gambling, and even after intensive therapy he became bankrupt, suffered depression and was never able to resurrect his playing career. Never allow stubbornness and denial to destroy your life! Thank you to all my GamCare friends who have supported me and helped me through to this point. I couldn't have done it without your knowledge, experience, humour and encouragement. My song for the day:- Dear life by Beck - "You sang your swan song to the dogs. 'cause they made mincemeat of the dreams, you hung your hopes on. So you counted out what your sins cost, while money talks to your conscience, looking like a fool for love. Dear life, I'm holding on. How long must I wait before the thrill is gone. Dear life, come and push me up, I think the buttons stuck. Dear life, I think it's gone too far. Dear life, please lower the bar. Lower than the stars. My name is Martin. I am a compulsive gambler - but today, I will not gamble.

Congratualtions on 365 days gamble free! Allow yourself today to pat yourself on the back and bask in the achievement. You’ve no doubt had plenty of highs and lows during the last year, but you’ve come out the other side. Undoubtably a stronger person.

But yes, you’re right to mention that complacency shouldn’t creep in.

Keep at it mate.

Moorey