Matt's diary

Hi Matt, welcome to recovery 🙂

You are absolutely right, enough is enough & time to do something about it! No advice from me as you haven't asked for it & have had a read around the site!

So I'm just flying by to show my support & tell you I am doing it after a gambling history longer than your life so recovery is yours for the taking - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT

any advice you have is welcome as clearly I have got to my position on my own bad advice and anything from anyone is welcome,

I feel in a good frame of mind to stop gambling but who knows as I have become a compulsive liar along with a compulsive liar.

Thanks for your words it feels good starting this journey.

Matt

Hi mate I can totally relate to your post. Sports betting and roulette were also hand in hand for me aswell. I always relied on the other to bail me out, but eventually my luck ran out. The house always wins don't forget that.

My advice to you amongst other things is too stay active on the forum, the more posts you make the more you will understand how silly we have all been . Aside from that put the blocks in place, it sounds like you have a decent social life so keep yourself busy when you can.

If you want to talk I'm on here most days.

Best of luck my friend.

Liam

Matt, the lies go hand in hand with the gambling otherwise it cannot stay a secret! Apart from the few friends & family members on here, we are all compulsive gamblers looking for recovery & there are lots of people proving it can be done One Day At A Time! Many people advocate no gambling @ all (no lottery, no school raffles etc) as it gives the feelings you experience about being able to control it! Take it from me, I learned the hard way, there is no controlling this evil...I just wish I'd figured that out years ago!

The advice on your other thread is good but I will just say that you need to do anything that it takes to break your Time-Money-Location triangle! We cannot win because we cannot stop, the wanting to make a hundred from a tenner is all too familiar but even if it happens Monday, by Tuesday (if it lasts that long) you will have given it all back & more! Taking 1 away from the triangle will prevent you from gambling, as you know being penniless at the moment! I had to hand my finances over to my partner - can you imagine the embarrassment of asking for lunch money when your age starts with a 4 & has another number after it 🙁 I insist he checks all of my bank accounts (there are a lot) regularly too as extra insurance to make sure I never get complacent!

You sound like a bright lad, now it is in writing you can look @ you from 'the outside'! It maybe you don't like what you're seeing @ the moment because the real you is shrouded in the addiction but once you start choosing 'No' ODAAT you will start seeing you again & that it worth fighting for - ODAAT

Thanks Liam & ODAAT

I am in a position where I want to hand over my accounts to my partner but I feel very vulnerable I know it makes perfect sense but just think I want to give up gambling and keep my finances hand in hand, would you say I need to get the finances handed over? Should I be aloud access? Or cut out completly? What works for you ODAAT?

I feel like gambling is EVERYWHERE!! But I know from previous attempts to beat the demons that even the lottery is a no no for me, I have only heard about the TML triangle on here and think it makes perfect sense, the worst thing for me is knowing when im spending far to much money but i cant make myself take a second to stop and really think.

Iv always told what I felt as white lies and it has become easy for me, I imagine this is common, but how do you get people to trust you again, I feel I have a million questions lol
Liam I actually enjoy football as I play but have found no enjoyment watching games these days is that the same for you? Does the enjoyment come back? I feel the worst thing is that playing roulette I rrally did enjoy it, I thought I knew which numberwhere actualy coming out next on these machines its absolute crazy, there RANDOM CHANCE and I couldnt get it in my head!!

Thanks for both your words and advice

Matt

Matt, I tried & tried to control my gambling before realising that there is no such thing! I am one of the few who have continued to do the lottery/scratchcards because it's never been more than a couple of quid here & there for me but I am very aware that if my habits change I will have to give this up too! I do understand the need for complete abstinence & think it's a very wise decision for you! Had I not handed my finances over/had him watching me so carefully I am certain I would have slipped in those early days! I spent time trying to figure out how I could gamble & get away with it but knowing I would be found out helped my resolve because I too needed to re-earn the trust! It's really hard letting go but it worked! I kept minimal money on me (enough for lunch etc) & a joint credit card to pay for petrol etc & for emergencies but he checked the balance every single day! I had my bank card given to me after about 3 months & the addiction tried to call me straight back in! I'd gotten so far & so used to fighting the urges by then, I was able to choose 'No'! You need to let go of the idea of knowing when to stop because not starting is the only way for us to win!

I feared never being able to gamble again but I am so ashamed looking back @ who I was when I was gambling that I can't go back! I thought I really enjoyed gambling until I stopped & realised that I enjoy life much more! It's not an easy journey Matt but you won't find anyone that regrets their recovery, only people sorry that they didn't get here sooner! Exclusion helps break the triangle until you are strong enough to make the right choices yourself! Recovery is bespoke & I had an awful lot to lose so have had no choice! Lots of people have found GA & counselling invaluable so this may be worth a shot for you & the news is sports seems to be much more enjoyable when you don't have anything riding on it 🙂

You can do this - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT

taking onboard what you have said about exclusion and all the accounts I have had are self excluded I just need to face the embarrassing fact of entering the hell holes themselfs and excluding myself from them,
I am definatly going to hand over the finances after alot of thought in the end if I dont have control of them then I dont need to worry about them at this point and as you said maybey 3 months al be ready to be given some trust with them.

I have known for a good 2 years probably longer that I am no longer in control of my life but always somehow tricked myself into thinking itl end soon, the bottom line is I have never made an effort thats a sad thought, now I am going the make an effort dedicate an hour on here and making sure I have a conversation with my partner about her feelings on the matter to.

I look forward to saying no like you did, thats must have felt good knowing that you had the strength and you no longer let the illness get your time, its kind of like standing up to an invisible bully.

thanks again for your words and advice I am gratefull

Matt

Great post & very proud that you are thinking about your partner in all this too! I understand Gamcare provide a friends & family service that may be beneficial!

I convinced myself for probably 2 decades (maybe even more) that I could manage my gambling & apart from a trip to a hypnotist & thousands of broken promises to myself, I never made an effort until now! Surprise surprise, I can beat the 'invisible bully'...I have been lucky, as I keep saying, that my journey has been relatively simple but I want it so bad I will stop @ nothing! Luckily, nothing is all I need to do gamble wise & each day, recovery becomes more important!

Stay strong - ODAAT

Matt, hope you're doing ok buddy?

Thanks for the words again ODAAT sorry not been on im on day 6 gambling free :-), im busy at work on my 4 days on but still been thinking about gambling, 1 minute im dead against gambling then my mind will wonder thinking ill just put 5 quid on a football coupon and itl be alright, but for me this is not the case, assoon as my wage comes in itl all be gone without a second thought,

how is your recovery going? I feel like in my mind thats what im like to, iv just been doing it that long that I can say its bl**dy over im not putting myself or anybody else through this, all I need to do is just not gamble and life will be great!!

Thanks for your advice and time

Yay, you don't need to apologise but I'm chuffed to hear you are still doing it 🙂 Don't let it bully you back in with it's lies...We can't just place 1 bet: if it wins we want more & if it loses, we have to chase! The only win is to not do it!

My recovery is going really well & life is great! You never hear us moaning about recovery (except a little when it's pig difficult)!

Stay with it, beating the bully gets easier - ODAAT