Metamorphosis

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dragonfly)))))))))))))))))))))))

Hi DF

What a lovely heart warming post

Keep feeding those swans in your calm waters and don't feed that addiction anything

Stay safe

Suzanne xx

Hi DF,

So would like to write so so much, ..your posts are really heart warming. Just sometimes i get words stuck in my throat. ..thank you for sharing your thoughts and always nice to see ur name popping up. Look after urself ok..just do. There are people out there who cares, without u even realising.

Day at a time......just take it steady and keep going strong.

(((((DF)))))

S x

Hi Dragonfly,

I'm kicking around the diaries today. Have been feeling a loss for words lately. I long for the days when we were all a little less worried about being politically correct. I think that's why a few of us miss Rachel so much. She was like a breath of fresh air and well, a tornado, at times. Lol.

Anyway, I'm just blabbering. I'm thinking of you and hoping all is well on your boat on the river. A bit teary eyed but, waving all the same. -joanxxxx

Oh how funny!! We must have been writing at exactly the same time! Ha ha ha.. I love the thought that that little stray might be someone I know...

Hi Dragonfly and thanks for the chuckle! I miss the banter and humor that used to fill these pages! I hope you feel better soon. I get it though and these things take their time. They always manage to get better though eventually don't they? They must. ((((((DF))))))) -joanxxxx

Hey DF,

Hope you will feel a lot better soon girl.Hopr that river looks calm and peaceful and you can enjoy the wiev.

Now, i seen u girls up to some jokes over here 🙂

Gotta laugh, even if it's out of ourselves sometimes. .here is one :

" What's the difference between an addict & an alcoholic?

Either will steal your wallet, but the addict will spend all night helping you look for it."

Take care of yourself and just keep laughing, humour is the best medicine in this life

S x

Messed up big time - can't think, can't cry, can't breathe and all at the end of a perfect week of happiness.

If i hadn't messed up big time last week i wouldn't understand how you feel girl.

It hurts and hurts a lot. Do what is right for you. Most importantly don't beat yourself up..that doesn't help, there is a calmer way forward, find at least a tiny positive think to hold on to. There is more than one..calm down. If need to talk, we are here.

This feeling will pass, there is more to life than crappy /////// gambling. Here for you......always ((((DF))))

Hi Pal,

I'm not gonna tell you how to use your own diary but, it sounds like you are feeling pretty stuck. Why not just write whatever comes to mind. No holds barred. No censor. You can always just logout and it won't show up. I do that sometimes to get unstuck. Here for you! ((((((df))))))) -joanxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you Sandra and Joan, I remember many months ago I wrote on here that it felt like little butterflies descending to flap their wings and gently life me from the deepest depths to a place where I can begin to recover and today I feel that way again.

I take full responsibility for making the choices I did and am still working through the reasons to prevent it happening again. On holiday all week and had a lovely time staying with an old friend then met other friends for meals and cinema trips, read lots, relaxed and then family at the weekend rounded up the happiness pill I so badly needed as it has been a difficult few weeks emotionally and physically.

Can only think that alone once more in the anti climax of all this happiness I wanted the 'fun' to continue and after winning to break even at my last slip weeks ago thought it would do no harm to revisit old habits. Of course I lost and then went back and chased and won and chased some more, couldn't even leave until they closed.

It isn't the money that sickens me, although that always makes me sad as such a waste, but I regressed to even lying to a friend as to why I was late to meet her. I was never going back to be that person and here I am again, self harm, self disgust and all my plans for this weeks holiday out the window as the depression saps my energy and immobilizes me once more. I despise this self obsessed person I am today, tomorrow I may be kinder, tomorrow I will take care of the damage but today I need to hide and burst the bubble holding back the tears which will allow me to begin recovery again.

Thank you butterflies, I appreciated and needed your light touch.

Entry wouldn't send then all of a sudden appeared four times so maybe I am being told to absorb what I have written.

The bit I cant find the words for is about the pain caused to others and should they read this, which I now know they might, I do understand that sorry is not enough.

For the better tomorrow girl. Grab my hand and hold on tight, we will navigate through these tunnels of darkness and misery. Pain is not our goal - happiness and peace with ourselves is. Xx