Metamorphosis

Kung Fu Panda 3: Quotes, Shifu: If you only do what you can do, you'll never be better than what you are.

Very sad, this forum used to be my lifeline, serious discussions, off the wall ideas, debate but always respecting and acknowledging the individual battle within each of us it was always a safe place to offload our most precious and scary thoughts.

Having worked alongside therapists in my job working with traumatised teenagers I can't stand all this new americanised bol.lox that has overwhelmed this site turning it into a crass joke, its as helpful as a chocolate teapot, so irritating and far inferior to a quote from Kung Fu Panda 3.

Will stay in touch with my trusted friends but no longer want to fight the added triggers this site is throwing out.

Morning DF,

I know how you feel. Respect how you feel. Have been feeling the same way. And, if unwanted stuff is triggering more unwanted stuff I can understand the need to take cover. As for me, I'm gonna stick it out and weather the storm and you can always share my umbrella ella ella. Too American? 😉 hugs DF -joanxxx

Hey lovely lady,

How are you my dear friend? Sun is showing it's face and i can only imagine how amazing that must look and feel on that river ☺

Look after yourself darling, make the most out of every single day..lil things counts the most!

Hugs

S x

Hi DF

I posted similar sentiments to yours a while back. Problem is, if people like you b&gger off then it becomes a negative spiral and a self-fulfilling prophecy (though obviously i accept you need to do what's best for you). When I first signed up over 3 years ago it was quite different. A lot of weird and wonderful personalities letting it all hang out.

After a while you can detect general changes in vibe. We're currently going through what we're going through, which to me is characterised by being the path of least resistance - a homogenous approach albeit cloaked in terms of being a unique one. It also seems quite common now to try and distinguish one's self from those with 'more serious issues', which aside from being insulting to individuals, also demonstrates a lack of individual self-acceptance.

But it is what it is. There are good things about the present- at least it is now 'accepted'' that there has to be zero tolerance. I remember in the 'good old days' quite a few posters actively gambling huge sums and this being the end goal. Some time around last year there was a general vibe of opening and sharing - I think inspired in large part by Dan's appearance on the scene. Sadly that's dried up a bit but things are fluid.

Hope to keep reading your posts

Louis

Yo DF,

I'm trusting alls good on the good ship DF. I'm going to echo Louis here, yourself and the likes of Joan always have colourful thoughts.

This forum never really changes, just the vibe and the cycle continues... it's all good! Besides you know the coo, if ever this forum is winding you up, you need to take a good look at real 3d life..and find the real reason...

keep purging..

Besides all that, im always interested in life on the water. A distant dream of mine.....

Hai DF,

A quick response here....

The phantom phenomenon, truthfully this is another thing I'm fortunate with. Not sure when you got your knee replacement, but as i'm sure you've been told it will take a while to fit and heal. But, yeah I would pump that the phantom knee has got something going on there. It's bizarre, but as far as my heads concerned, iv'e always got two hands, just like your head, you'll always have two knee's. I can only speak in layman terms and most of its obvious but, I forget the name for it but there's a map like thing in your head connected to all the limbs, this never changes, so the signals continue. With me, im lucky and don't have the phantom pains some have, but sometimes when it's like itchy, even though its not there, I'll scratch my prosphetic hand. I'll try and explain the phantom pain for me - it's like my hand is in a lions mouth and it's trapped as the lion squeezes harder and harder... but as I say, I'm lucky and don't seem to have the pain some have...

It's a tough one for you DF and I feel for you. I know where losing limbs come into it, I'd rather lose a hand than a leg, and that's what you need to overcome as you put your weight on the knee...

Life is a beach... but many times the bi.tch...

A few words do go along way and fair play to the manager..You come across people in the work place and think what an tw.at in the moment and sometimes when you take a step back, you realise there doing there job..Easy for me to say but you've got a lot to give, im sure you've thought outside the box many a time and now need to delve outside again..

Yeah, house boat life. I've thought and looked it quite often but things I need to do first, whether to see if it will be a realistic aim for me or just another pipe dream...

ps... I like random

pps. Another thought re phantom, try to not think to much about it. Whenever my mind gets caught up in the phantom moment, I class it as my fine line between madness and go off on random thoughts. It's simular to a urge, it passes...

Hi old friend! Free styling is not dead. Some days it feels like I'm walking in a mine field with a blindfold on after having been spun around 10 times BUT, what would this world be like without free styling old women with purple hair? -joanxxx

One of my friends died yesterday, several years younger than me our children were all at school together. Thirty five years on and out of the four of us two of us have been successfully treated for cancer, one is terminally ill and the other dead. Life is a lottery. Initially made me think ' fu$ckital what does it matter if I gamble, life is such a f*****g bi.tch' but ended up buying a beautiful plant instead. She was one of the most caring, lovely people I have ever met, I have those memories and I won't tarnish them with a wasted night in a stinking dark pit of a casino, she was worth more than that.

I have a plaque on my shelf - a saying from Dr. Seuss. It reads " Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. " P bought it for me in Province Town on the last day of what is now known to only us as " the best vacation ever" she knows how much I hate endings. Here's a hug DF. So sorry for your loss. -joanxxx

Thank you Joan and so right about memories and that we keep making good ones.

Random thoughts. Do people write their diaries for themelves or for others to read? Huge impact on what is actually written depending on which answer. Realise I have been badly affected and in fact triggered by what others have written in the past however my diary has been most usefull when used to write my own innermost thoughts and feelings with little thought as to readers reactions and responses. I am at a stage of my life when I will not allow others to judge me and my career was based on supporting teenagers who were often described using abusive language due to their backgrounds, to live assertive, fulfilled lives. I have never conformed to the 'norm', an octagon in a square hole, this is my choice as is the way I use my diary. Realised that my anger and frustration brought me to being judgemental, something I avoid, so much to think about. Struggle with health, loss etc need not change my character and my ethos on life.

Interesting article - just a small section of it -

A recent article in the international journal Pharmacology, Biochemistry and Behavior explored the current state of research linking oxytocin and addiction. The article, guest edited by Dr. Femke Buisman-Pijlman from the University of Adelaide’s School of Medical Sciences, suggests that addictive behaviour such as drug and alcohol abuse could be associated with low levels of this love hormone.

For a long time it was assumed that addiction was the result of bad life decisions. The fact that as a society we still imprison people for personal drug use suggests that this view is likely still coloring our perception of addiction. However, Buisman-Pijlman’s article puts forward the theory that substances like drugs and alcohol may in fact be a means to compensate for inadequate levels of oxytocin; that when we don’t have the natural feel-good hormone circulating in our bodies, we are more inclined to seek out reward through our external environment.

Addressing the long-held association between addiction and childhood neglect, Dr. Buisman-Pijlman, whose background encompasses both addiction studies and family studies, continues that some individuals’ lack of resistance to addictive substances may be specifically associated with poorly developed oxytocin systems. She believes that when a child feels loved and safe they are more likely to develop a healthy oxytocin system, while harsh conditions (such as neglect and abuse) during early childhood may be responsible for the impaired development of the oxytocin system.

Well speaking from everything i have seen & heard in recovery, that would certainly ring true for the majority of addicts

You are right day@ as seems to be a theme in so many diaries, often not initially but as people become more comfortable with writing about their lives. I have worked for twenty years with abused teenagers and would so love to do research in this area of addiction as it has been in one form or another in so many of their lives.

As for myself the past few weeks have all been significant with the loss of my job through health and death of a friend so have completely isolated this week, spending my time reading or on my laptop. Initially thought this was a bad thing however realise this gave me time to reasess my life, my goals, without the need to wear the social mask each day pretending I am just fine. Went out for supplies and prescription yesterday and reached a literal and phsycological crossroad, right to the casino, left to the chemist and supermarket. I now have milk in the fridge and no after taste of despair and self loathing. Proof I can sometimes make the right choice even when my brain is mashed. Had an unexpected payment in my final pay cheque from work so have bought a huge veg trough to put on my houseboat deck to grow salad for the summer, even my compulsive buys are becoming more 'normal' although I wont disclose just now what else I bought, one can't have too many shoes and sheds can they. It's raining now but earlier there was a woodpecker, a ring neck parrakeet, a robin and a bluetit all sharing my bird feeder whils underneath a mandarin duck, a coot and a magpie searched for dropped morsals. If only we humans could integrate this way, mind you have seen a sparrowhawk dive before now and sadly munch a tiny sparrow ( I was sad not the sparrowhawk). So I am working hard at this balance thing that continues to elude me, some days I see it clearly and others the mist descends and I peer through the murk. Today is a good day, I am one of the lucky ones, I am alive.