Moving on..Day 1 and on

Hey Alex,

Way to harness a upsetting circumstance and use it as fuel to move forward in sobriety. I think as we all move forward in our own journeys as recovering compulsive gamblers, we will have many things that may remind us of gambling or circumstances coming to the forefront because of our addiction. We must face these feeling and harness them in a positive way. We were not aware of our feelings while we were in the action of gambling because, we were sick. Now that we have started the healing process with ourselves we must learn to recognize, we can abstain and remain strong in our abstinence, and this my friend you showed yourself today, you can do!

Chicagoguy

Thank you so much Chicagoguy. I hate to be a moper, a miserable git, but things are really desperate for me at the moment to the point where I just get so low I just can't take it much longer. I'm usually fairly positive.. An always look on the bright side guy. Yet, I have a dark shadow lingering over me, right now and I often feel like I should just finish it and get out of this place. I'm not suicidal , but low. Feel like running away. Prospects limited. I face an uphill challenge. Have a good brain, but at the same time I've made some terrible decisions over the last few years and I'm now affected by them and am being driven insane by them.

I suppose it's good to get it out in the air and I've had to deal with worse than this before, so I know it''s a passing thing.

d**n glad I'm not gambling though. It's a relief that I'm not, it really is. I aim to keep it that way. It really isn't something I'm thinking of doing anytime soon. It would just make things worse if I gambled. I'm so thankful I gave it up.

Desperate times, maybe. Things will pick up, I'm sure. I have a battle of ahead of me. Chin up, stiff upper lip.. Gotta fight on.

Had worse to deal with, this will be a breeze.

Alex

Hi Alex,

You just have to hang in there it's hard but we really have no choice to but to keep trying.

Michael

Thanks Michael, I really appreciate your feedback. I suppose you're right, I do need to hang in there. Things get better, it just takes time.

I have had a better day today though, I should add. My mind was a mess when I last posted. Still, happy to say I'm gamble free. That's a plus at the moment. I gave it a moments thought earlier, and just couldn't believe that I'd broken free from it after doing it for so long. I don't really appreciate what good has come of me not gambling and should. It was a prison and one I'm glad to be out of.

I'm proud of myself for staying here and giving it the heave-ho.

Still on guard as we should all be, but as said repeatedly, I don't need or want to gamble.

All the best

Alex

Hey Alex,

Glad were both doing great, I don't ever want to go back to gambling. My main reason for gambling, I've learned in therapy is emotional sadness and loss. I used gambling as a escape from pain. Now I'am learning to do healthy things in life for myself, that I can find enjoyment in. I started a healthy eating program, and have set goals for myself as far as weight loss. Also I already signed up at a gym in the new neighbor hood I will be in. I'am ready to tackle phase 2, that's what I'am calling it for myself. Stay strong and keep in touch.

Chicagoguy

Thanks for your reply, chicagoguy. I'm the same. The year before I gambled, was a rough one for me. I lost my uncle, who I was close too and my step dad died of lung cancer. I was quite strong to begin with, but both deaths turned my life upside down. I quite stupidly thought I could gamble and win to begin with and then I used it to hide away from the world, but had the deaths not occurred I'm fairly sure I never would have gambled, as both deaths gradually hit home and I was very depressed. It's a strange one for me. I have many reasons and theories as to why I gambled but I'm now just glad I'm away and out of the trap.

I'm still very lost, but finding myself again. I kick myself for gambling still, but know I was ill and like a drug it had hold of me. Just incredibly lucky I got out early, as I could have continued into oblivion.

Life is change. Change is something that's unavoidable. We must take the good time with the bad, and know never to go back to gambling.

I had a strange dream last night. I was in a bookmakers and was about to gamble, but was strong enough to not do so. I think had I have had that dream last year, I'd have gambling away like a fool.

Changing times are these, I suppose.

Very, very thankful that my sense of logic has returned, and very fortunate to be an ex-gambler, rather than a gambler.

All the best

Alex

Hi Alex your doing really well I think since I've stopped gambling 62 days ago I'm starting to feel and see emotions I've never seen before in my self I think gambling stores us in a box and when were ready to stop we have to regrow again and find out what put us in that box in the first place I think the pain of that and the habit that's formed over years it's difficult and painful but if we can do it I believe we will be living a life that we always should have.

Stay strong

The bear x

Hey Alex,

Just wanted to say hello and hope your doing well. Stay strong my friend.

Chicagoguy

Yep, doing fine. Still gamble free. Another update soon. Hope you're all doing well.

It is a good thing being gamble free.

-Alex

Hey Alex,

Glad to hear your doing great! Just pick a time and a nice day, find yourself a local pond or river and fish. Don't have any expectations of catching anything, just go be with nature and let the sunshine on you. Fishing is a form of therapy for me, I enjoy being out in nature and if I catch any fish it's a bonus to my day. I think nature has a way of healing ourselves, freeing our minds of all the hustle bustle of everyday life. Get yourself some new line on your fishing reel and a couple of bobbers and some worms or minnows and go do it. The more we can get back in touch with things we allowed are addiction to take from us the more we empower ourselves to remain abstinent. Let me know how you do when you decide to go fishing. Stay strong!

Chicagoguy

Hey Alex,

Been out fishing like crazy the last week. Making up for all that time i didn't fish when I was sitting in that dam casino. I caught a total of 17 Smallmouth bass last Monday,Tuesday and Wednesday. Today I went to a forest preserve and caught 5 Largemouth bass. I catch and release fish only. Hope you had a chance to go try some fishing out also. Take care.

Chicagoguy

FA CUP FINAL DAY...ONE YEAR ON.

Last year I went a bit funny and backed Liverpool to win the FA cup. They didn't. I laugh about it now. Yet at the time I felt so hurt at losing what to me was a lot of money. Maybe a couple of hundred quid tops. I remember having a bath afterwards and sitting there in coldish water wandering what I was doing with my life, in my head. What was the point of it all. I was desperately depressed.

Something did click, however. My gambling, although I continued, from that moment on was more controlled (or so I believed).. Though I was still a gambler and could lose it and chase losses. By about September I went off this method and started going back to chasing loses and ending up skint for the remainder of the month.

My last bad month was October 2012. I gambled like a total idiot, but a good thing came of it. I arrived here and this journey to find myself again began. I gambled small amounts here and there up until December 22nd 2012, almost 6 months ago. No gambling for 6 months. Despite not believing it possible, I have achieved it. It is why, even if I have thoughts, urges, I will not go back to it.

Today Wigan won the FA CUP and probably had absurd odds against them winning. I do not care. The thought might have been there for a second, but the new me says "One more bet and it all starts again, and it wasn't very nice and never did you any favours."

I can imagine someone winning big today on some absurd odds. Yet a few of these of this big win might end up where many of us have been. A dark, lonely, solitary existence chasing bits of paper with the queens head on. Getting that paper every so often and then gambling it for more bits of paper. Hope that doesn't sound pretentious.

Anyhoo.. A year on from that FA CUP day. A memory to go over again and a memory to remind myself where gamble can lead me. And why I just can't do it anymore.

Hope you are all doing well.

All the best

Alex

Hi Alex.

Lovely to hear from you again and see you are still string in your abstinance. Things are all going well for me too.

Take care and have a lovely weekend.

Feb.

Hey Alex,

Hope your doing great. Just wanted to let you know I wrote that quote down about fishing on a sticky note and its on my computer to look at every day. I love it, so true, so much more about it then catching fish. Have a great weekend.

Chicagoguy

A test for today.

Had urges that came out of nowhere. I thought, sod it; set up a new account on another gambling site and gamble away...again. I was just sitting there at lunchtime thinking all I could use is a game of poker to 'escape' and 'win money'. Need I remind myself what sort of an escape this whole lark is. It's not an escape, it can be an endless bloomin' nightmare and you never win anything. It robs you of money and time.

I will not gamble.

3 days shy of 6 months, I have a reason to be joyous about not gambling.

I've been lucky today. Had I not have had a block on the computer, I may have gambled. It may have only have been a tenner, yet it could set me back on route to my old ways as a compulsive gambler. It was a small bet that started it all in the first place.

It' just not worth the risk of starting it off all over again.

Urge is definitely overcome, and for that I am happy.

These urges will be there, but I am stronger than them.

-Alex