Moving on..Day 1 and on

Figured I have not much to lose right now, so I'm going to try changing things. My mental health doesn't seem right at the moment, so I'm going to try and sort myself out in that respect. Have been low, had very dark thoughts, but I'm not going to kill myself or anything.

I've always had issues with mental health. I'm not a major depressive, but when off balance, when my situation is bleak, and my attitude is far from positive, I don't do myself any favours and get low points like everyone.

Thinking about support, which could do me good. Yes, there is a stigma attached..charities, mental health etc. Yet, I've been there before in my late teens and it helped me a lot, so I see no harm. Going to try to support something out this week, as support will do me good.

I suppose this goes back to gambling. These mental health issues were a factor in why I started. Stress relief first of all (quite naively, I must add), then as a escape from depression (partly caused by gambling - what a laugh, eh?).

Still, I have time to change things for better right now. It's a struggle but one which I will weather.

Staying positive.

Alex

Have a thorough dislike of Barbara Windsor at the moment and those bloomin' adverts. She and Ray Winstone are permanently on my 'Do not like' list.

Doing well. Gamble free. The clock is ticking. 6 months free of it all in 18 days.

-Alex

Last bet: 22nd December 2012.

Well done Alex in remaining strong and resilient when you were feeling vulnerable. You made the right decision in choosing life over gamvling. I'm very proud of you. You six months will soon be up.

Take care.

Feb.

Hey Alex,

Ever get out and do some of that fishing you were talking about doing? Good form of therapy, very relaxing. Great job on all your hard work, 3 weeks to 6 months for me also.

Chicagoguy

What can I say? Hmmm.. Still gamble free. A big plus. I have also quit smoking. A Bigger plus.

Some sense of control has returned in my life, that I haven't felt in ages. It feels good to be not tied to an addiction.. It's wonderful, and I need to remember this, as life is better without gambling and cigarettes.

I feel I have come along way in the past two years..I remember chain smoking and playing online poker, the memory of which now leaves me feeling confused, as if I don't see how I was ever like that.. It's a strange one. The addiction of both, I suppose. I see clearly again, now I'm free of both.

I can't guarantee I'll be completely free of any of my previous vices again but right now, I just don't want or care for them.

Took me a while to kick the cigs, but I reckon I have them beat.

Also...saw a great documentary of gambling with Louis Theroux on Youtube. It was quite insightful, as the people he hangs around are all problem gamblers that are all in complete denial - A lady that has lost 4 million on slots. An 'expert' blackjack who is up on his money one minute, then loses money, then spends the next 24 hours awake trying to win it back (he loses, of course). An a rich guy who decides he enjoys losing 300k...Worth a watch. Though do not watch if you are prone to urges from watching others gamble.

Link here ->

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSOXyshl5y8

Staying strong and positive.

Alex

Alex,

Just watched that documentary you posted mate. It's absolutely sick! Seems so obvious when you watch CGs like that from the outside - from a distance. in fact, I actually watched this before (presumably when it first aired a few years ago). I remember thinking it was pretty messed up... but seeing it again it almost makes me laugh how ridiculous the whole thing is. I'm so grateful that's no longer me, because, just like the people the programme follows, I'd be totally unable to stop.

And the marketing guy?! The guy who claims all these 'high rollers' are his best friends (yet has the good sense never to place a bet himself)!? Give me a break!

You are right to flag a warning before watching as well. Not for the delicate / faint hearted member - certainly likely to bring on some triggers for those struggling.

All the best mate

D123

Crikey...I definitely needed some kind of warning as even I had urges watching it. That was until I realized that it showed gambling for what it is. The compulsive gambler never stops. He can win. But he will most likely want more and then lose more. The casino itself and the agent were just there waiting for some silly gambler to get sucked in so they could take every penny from them too. It was quite enlightening. Especially the 'expert' blackjack player who stayed up to win, but ended up losing 30k. Poor guy. Hope he gave it up. You could tell he was a compulsive gambler.

The marketing chap for the casino tells another story too, doesn't it. Most of the people that involved on the other side of gambling aren't gamblers. They have the good sense not to gamble, but instead choose to exploit vulnerable people and in a affect turn the gamblers into problem gamblers. They bookies work like that, I believe. We're sold illusions to tempt us in and.. hook, line, sinker.. They've got us. Until we escape.

Compulsive gamblers are funny and strange people when they're in denial. Almost sick because of their illness, or addiction. I like you, am glad I got out.

-Alex

Passed 6 months bet free yesterday. I'm chuffed at this and will continue my life bet free for as long as is possible. I'm not saying I'll gamble again, but I'm aware that it's a battle of control. Meaning if I ever mess up, I'll aim to abstain myself from gambling again.

Right now though, I feel confident and happier being bet free. This hasn't always been easy, but you have to fight on. I came close to royally messing up recently, but stopped myself at the registration page on the gambling site. Even now I need to be careful, but I'm winning the war here now - I choose not to gamble.

6 months, 1 day.

-Alex

Hi Alex.

A very well done to you on being 6 months gamble. Continue to go forward Alex and be happy.

Take care and remain strong.

Feb.

Thank you, Feb. I owe this place so much and the people on here. I'm really pleased to say that any urges are I have nowadays are minor in some respects. Basically, if I gambled now I'd be a complete dope. I'm putting it behind me now.

Giving my gambling days a moments thought, the whole idea of going back for 'one last bet' seems like insanity. I won't being doing it while sane, put it that way. Happy to be rid of it. My memories of it all are hazy, but the damage it caused me, even now is ever present. Another reason to stay well clear.

I now what my failings could be with regards to going back for one more bet, but I'm aware of it all now. Knowing why I gambled, and the reasons; mostly fear, lack of money, wanting more money etc - These are all illusions in my mind, which I must see a such to stop any slips.

Don't plan on slipping up, you see 🙂

To the next 6 months. Bring it on.

-Alex

Still very bet free. 6 months have rolled on and now a few days. I'm posting today to address other things that are just as compulsive as my gambling was, yet less harmful of course. It's more of a waste of time really, but one I can do without - video games. I was never a big, big gamer up until I bought a ps3, but now these things are eating up my time like gambling did. I need a change.

I'm nearly finished with the new big game and then that will be it. I'll be buying the new gta and a game called beyond, but the compulsive gamer in me has to go. I need to be sensible.

It's the online multiplayer that's the real issue. It's so d**n addictive. I want to go back for more, every other hour. It's mad and totally out of character for me. I think it is partly due to my compulsive gambling and compulsive behavior in general, but it bothers the heck out of me. So I'm saying this aloud to myself that this has to change. I don't like the person I became two years ago when gambling cast a spell over me and the affects linger on with stuff like this.

To change and new life.

Staying positive.

Hi ATK

Long time no speak, good to see your still on the mend, yes i hate myself too for these compulsive tendancies. Keep strong and you are certainly getting there, its finding other ways to do normal things in life rather than being addicted to certain pathetic time taking things. Wishing you all the best Dark Place

I think I'll get there Dark Place. Being bet free has helped me immensely, given me a real boost. Nice to know I'm not alone with the obsessive compulsion issues. I believe getting these things off my chest helps me a lot. I've been appalling with the obsessive behaviors over the last year and a bit. I went from very healthy hobbies like cycling and fishing, to not so healthy ones, like gambling which I did obsessively, sometime for 12 hours straight (i kid you not, I was that bad). Still, change is coming. I'm still young and can turn my situation around.

-Alex

hi Alex

LOL about the filter, that really is ironic !

Dark Place

Something another user has written has struck me as quite profound and I've been pondering his post this last day. The post was from 'gadaveuk' and he talks about a spiritual way within recovery.

I used to be quite a spiritual person and feel it has been something I lost within the hubbub and distractions I've faced. It wasn't all quackery, or nonsense, but was something which for a short while gave me 'new eyes' on my life and my place in the world. It's something I have to discover again.

I suppose I have to be careful using the term 'spiritual' as some misconstrue its meaning.

Reading the book 'The peaceful warrior' gives me some idea of its meaning again. I feel so trapped like the character in the book, but I like him can unlock something inside me again to spark some real positive change, and move positively on in the future, as apposed to cowering afraid, finding my only meaning in life from distractions and 'things'.

I still have a great deal to learn, but I'm going to commit myself to healing myself and getting back to that old me. Not going to be easy, but I will do it.

Gonna mull over all this some more. I feel inspired at the moment.. Yeah, life is a bid rubbish at the moment, but it could be worse. Then again, it can be better too.