Mr Grumpy: Round 3 and a half

Hi Jon, it is a bit sad when people you know stop posting for a while. You tend to fear the worse. Hopefully they're all well and good. Nice that you went out your way to make them feel wanted, good fella. Hope you enjoyed your break, you sound chilled and congratulations on getting this far. Take care, keep strong, Steve.

Day 58: Oh Happy Day

Ok... not sure how or if I should tell ... but I am happy so....

On a previous gambling binge... after stopping for a while.." Billy Small Mountain" issued me with funds... " adjusted" something or other... which I didn't gamble, I withdrew. Sooooo... whilst I have not gambled for 58 days... I just thought I would check to see if they had done the same after my last binge, using my sons computer ( note to self: get the block on there today!)... and they had... Yipee £250... which I have withdrawn straight a way without a thought... ok a slight tingle maybe.. but that is £250 I didn't expect back... Maybe he shall play golf this summer !!

Stay Strong, Stay Focused towards a happier future.

Hi Jon,

Well done for just withdrawing it. Better in your pocket than theirs.

Rose

woo hooo thats an added bonus john, in your bank where it belongs well done, im not sure how strong i would of been lol.

Blondie day 49

Hi Jon,

Thanks for your concern. I am ok, just have been a bit down and trying to deal so having a little break.

Will catch up properly soon, well done on staying strong. For a treat get yourself the new RUSH album Clockwork Angels. Came out yesterday. I am on my 3rd play as I write. It's excellent. I also got 2 tx for Sheffield next May. Something to look forward to.

Thanks mate,

IanB.

Day 59: Feeling a little... tempted this evening... not going to... one thing I have learned is that tomorrow is another day and I will be glad that I didn't. Think it's that "tempter" from yesterday... grrr...so I have to focus: " Golf..... Golf....... Golf..... Golf....... Golf......... Golf.......... Golf......... Golf......... Golf........ Golf.......... Golf........ Golf.......... Golf......... Golf.........." That did the trick... no wait..... " Golf...... Golf..... Golf...... Golf........." OK... and Breathe.

I'd given up hope of any golf this year... but during my summer holidays I will go CRAZY if I don't have something to do. Golf will answer that problem... triple, nay, quadruple wammy... exercise, sun (hopefully), socialising, fresh air.... and loads more.. I have got 1 more payday before... so save save save.... not spend spend spend... or waste waste waste !

Stay Focused, Stay Strong for a happy Summer Holiday !

Jon

Sounds like you have your eye on the ball so to speak, keep it there john focused on what you want to do, not what you used to do.

All that time off and all that Golf to look forward to, One day at a time, or one hour at a time.. It will pass... and tomorrow is another day.

Stay strong jon and keep chanting that Golf mantra.

Blondie day 50

Jon,

Having read your dairy the whole way through, I can only hope that I can have the sheer resilience that you have shown from day one of your dairy. My vice is the same as yours, online roulette, and I am 9 days in, experiencing the pangs that you experienced. anyone in our position, with a want to quit, could do much worse than read your dairy, and follow your example, especially BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK. Hopefully you aren't an English teacher, as you may be tempted to correct my spelling and grammar, but this may provide a helpful distraction for you, and your summer project could be to correct all the spelling and grammar errors on here?? Good luck with your continued recovery, and hopefully you can inspire others, myself included, to follow your lead and kick this illness into touch.

Hi John, glad things are going well at the moment. You resisted well in the last few weeks and that'll put you in good stead. Choose life John, choose golf. Glad to hear you're a teacher, it all makes sense now, the love of the job, the gallows humour, gambling instead of planning! I've taken a year out of teaching to sort my back/legs and indeed my life out. All I ever did was work so the break has been nice if not a little boring at times. I was always given the wayward lads to sort out, I was good at getting kids refocused back onto education but I didn't half feel hypocritical trying to portray the moral responsibility whilst gambling away fortunes. I used to think 'well that's another saved but who's going to save me?' if I can get my mobility back I'll start teaching again next year, it'll be good to shout at people again and have some banter.

Well done again and take care, Steve

Hi Jon,

Good to read you are remaining focused and the days are racking up. With all that saving you are doing and not wasting, you'll be able to take yourself off for a golfing holiday in Portugal soon, wouldn't that be excellent.

Take care mate.

Wilsy

Thanks for your posts

Day 60: "It's like hitting your head against a brick wall"... said the teacher hitting his head against a brick wall.

Think I have hit one... or maybe it's because nearly on every webpage I hit JPJ seems to have infiltrated.... even the one I sell stuff on. We should be able to opt out from advertising like this... or at least carry guns to shoot them.

Been thinking about gambling quite a lot today.. which has come as a bit of a surprise to me.... and is driving me a little crazy. The blocks are there... so I can't... but it's there nagging away at me. Why now? Almost 9 weeks.... Only another week to go before I can gloat a little to "The Steg" when Kim comes round for a brew !

It's not like the pain is a distant memory... it's 8 and a half weeks behind me... but I guess it's only a minute or two in front of me. Writing this is making me feel a little better. Don't get me wrong .. I am not miserable about this... just surprised.. and a little annoyed ... not sure at what though... myself?... No.. I am doing well. Maybe I thought I was better... obviously a long way away from that security. Maybe because I have some money in the bank... the old "self destruction" button... that is more likely the answer... can't be happy .. me..... noooo.

OK ... going to read some diaries... listen to some music.. play a little bridge.. and wake up in the morning ready to.... ready to..... just ready. I have never really subscribed to the ODAAT mantra... maybe it is now more appropriate to how I am feeling.

ONE DAY AT A TIME... that somehow feels right.

OK that's my mini rant over..

One Day At a Time, staying focused, getting stronger towards my future happiness.

Jon

The more you ramble Jon the less you gamble. Get it out and by the time it's down the 'madness' will pass. Incidentally, there's no way Kim would've stood me up to play footsie with anyone else. I've heard the only Kim you'll be getting a visit from is that d********x from Kim and Aggie's 'How clean is your house.' better clear those cups away Jon, only a matter of time now.

Thanks for your post jon it certainly wasnt overstepping the mark, its what i try and tell myself all the time, its good to hear it from someone else.

Its really weird this recovery lark, i worry that i dont get enough urges and then my brain starts telling me oh well you wanst a compusive gambler so go on just one wont do any harm . I love the "one day at a time" I can do anything for one day even not gamble. Its still there waiting for me its just today i choose not to.

I dont think i would of got this far if i hadnt said that to myself every morning.

I think you and ste are a great double act hes just jealous cause micky came instead... Kim is ready and waiting, lips pouting ready for the 9 1/2 week brew "nudge nudge .. wink wink ".

Enjoy your music, i would move the cups anyway you dont want kim to think your a sloath....

Blondie

Well, well, well eh. What I've just read is shocking. Kim wouldn't do that to me, Mickey told me so when he was staring at my shuttlecock with a look of confusion. Kim's class, she wouldn't hurt me like that again, not since that court injunction she had to take out on me last year over that 'mix up' I'd rather not go into right now!

Seriously I hope you're both well and coping with what your recovery throws at you. It's funny Jon but Steg has been my nickname since I was a child do it's weird you should relate to it. People still call me it now, that and 'Gordon is a moron.' I prefer Steg. Anyway gotta go, writing another letter to Kim and mailing her my string vest. Hopes she likes them this time and doesn't get the police involved again. Women eh! What are they like. All the best, Steve. Cell 365 HMP Strangeways.

thanks for the post john. You 2 do make me laugh, I did try and tell ste that Kim was a s*****r and he wouldnt listen, and look what happend Mickey turned up and messed about with his shuttlecock lol....

I think ste had some good ideas though, cups away, toothpaste top on, toilet seat down, dirty boxers off the floor , you better get your skates on mate.. or even better your M & S crickly underpants lol.....

I wish i had teachers like you 2 when i went to school they had no sense of humour whatsover but that could of been down to the fact I was a bit like a cross between Kevin (kevin and perry) and am i boverrrredddd though !!!!

Enjoy your evening go easy with kim shes not as young and agile as she used to be.

Blondie day 52 🙂