my betting diary

Like SA dont know really what to say but i really hope it gets better for you. Its got to get sorted out youve turned your life round and you need to be rewarded for that fact. Can you decrease your out goings (speak to creditors etc) so you free up some cash for solicitors i know it cant be an easy/nice proccess but youve got every right to be a part of your littlins lives and your provening to yourself and everyone that you'll do anything for that. Youve stopped gambling, repaying your debts. I dont know you but after reading through your diary your clearly a changed man and sooner or later the past has to be left there, not forgotten but certainly moved on from not by just yourself but for your ex and everyone else.

The situation angers me and i really hope that next year is the turning point and things can move on and you'll start to see that all this hard work and determanition finally pays off.

Best wishes.

Hi

First of all just though I'd say what a fantastic thing you have done of being 3 years gamble free.

Secondly I'm sorry to read how your ex is doing this to you. Your ex has no right to dictate that you can't see your child. Legally if you are on the birth certificate you have a right. Personally I would seek legal advice (I know that isn't always possible due to money). I truly hope it sorts itself out.

Take care

Nicki

Hi wp,

Just popping in2 say I am thinking of u 🙂

I hope that u will get 2 see ur little girl over Christmas... I will keep my fingers crossed 4 u 🙂

Stay strong!

Take care 🙂

Just a copy and paste as Charlottes post really. Hope you get to see littlin and have a good Christmas. For what you have been through you deserve it. Take care wp and you'll make 2013 the year for you.

Merry xmas and a happy new year wp hope ur ex has a heart 2mara

Take care

Hi wp. Thanks for the post made me think about the lotto. I have never won more than ten pounds so really never thought of what id do if I'd win. I will get a plan together. My work syndicate thing I could get them to pass the money to my mrs - they know about my problem. I can understand totally why people stop doing the lotto and why really it is gambling but for me even in my craziest of days have never spent loads on the lotto. Just never appealed in that way I do it because of that dream of winning the jackpot but I know the odds and that's why I've never bought 100 lucky dips as you've still got next to no chance with it. I've always said I'll keep doing the lotto but if I ever did spend say £20 on it or something I just would stop and realise that that's the gambler in me and have to stop it for good. But I just don't think it'll be a problem. I know I shouldn't get complacent but I've learnt a lot andy if I thought of doing something crazy I would have the knowledge to stop or at the very least only do it the once. But I'm glad you asked as I never really thought about it properly and I certainly never thought of - what if I win. So will be carefull with that as that would be dangerous having a few hundred quid in winnings in my hand.

I do plan on going through seeno's diary aswell soon. I know he was a big player on these forums so I'm sure I can gain a lot from reading his diary.

Hello wp

A lal belated but wishing you all the best for 2013 and big thanks for support in my earlier slip.

All credit to you in your perseverance in keeping your head above the water, despite all the S***e you seem to be going through.

Its no crime being human and unfortunately we f***k up time to time, but its how we get up that defines us! And you pal have shown your true spirit with flying colours.

Keep true and truely wish good comes your way soon..

Strength.. Paul

Hi wp.

Thanks for the support. I've just re-read the first few months of your diary. Took me back! How time has flown. So proud of you to still be going strong and now over 3 years bet-free. No matter what other trials and tribulations you have experienced, you have never used it as an excuse to gamble.

If you could bottle your iron resolve then I would buy some pal.

PS. I sent a message to Seano on the other forum so hopefully he will get that and get in touch.

wp.

For the wise words upon my thread i thankyou.

I find my resolve to remove my shortcomings and harness them for the greater good much stronger today, i feel like i have taken back the bull by its horns.

To abstain and maintain.

To harness my feelings of anger and resentment and turn them to my end,ultimately not to lose sight of that goal.

I can see the addiction holds no bounds to how it Will for life try to undermine recovery.

One bet from destruction, it i can see plays a dirty game.

Well i through my peers regain that stick it tried to beat me with.

Just for today i beat it back.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Just seen yet another pathetic, wooden response to your query in one of the other threads.

I wanted to have my say after your post on that thread but decided against it purely on the knowledge that I knew that I was not going to get a positive answer.

"Hands behind back" rang true to me whilst thinking about it.

Please don't let this stop you from hanging around. You really are a legend of these forums and your help to your fellow human beings on here has really, really helped.

I took your advice on board about hanging around the recovery diaries from time to time and posting less. It may not seem like I am posting less right now - this is purely because I am off from work but once I go back tomorrow, I will start to post less. But I will stick around as this site is helping me trying to get back to normality.

If this site continues to help YOU, then please stick around.

NT

Hi wp.

Thanks for the post my friend. It always cheers me greatly when one of the old crowd pops by. Not posting much myself at the moment but I am reading EVERY day. Whenever I doubt whether i can kick my habit for good I only need to look at a diary such as this to find the proof that it is possible.

Take care pal.

Hi wp!

Just want to say that your diary should always be on page one for everyone to read.Your still gamble free over 3 years and it still blows my mind the fact you have beat this addiction more or less with no help what so ever outside of here.Thats some achievement.You should be well proud!

All my best.

Viggo.

Wow!

I just had a quick catch up on your diary, for the first time in a while, and I am so sorry to read what you have been going through.

You deserve to be given much more credit for over 3 years gambling free. It looks like this woman is not ready to let go of her anger toward you, which after 3 years, seems unreasonable.

I'm so glad you have not relapsed as a result. You deserve a happy life. In my humble, you are best out of a relationship with your kids' mum. This is because, people who need to blame their anger on someone else, tend to gravitate toward people who mess up. This way, they can keep the moral high ground, and feel justified in their anger. I believe this type of personality will not like someone changing from messing up to succeeding. They will no longer get what their ego needs out of the relationship, and will resist positive change in their partner. They will try to trigger the other peron to mess up, and provoke them. This is most classically seen in relationships where one partner is a recovering alcoholic. Sometimes the alcoholic needs to leave the relationship to stay dry.

I'm sorry this has been happening to you, but you deserve to stay gamble free, and to be forgiven. I would pursue access to your kids formally, so that your ex partner is not able to use your kids to hurt you like this. A court will grant regular access, that she cannot deny to you.

Good luck mate. You are so much better than this situation.

Take care,

f x

What a fantastic post from Freda. Very interesting. Nice to see yourself, curly and I on the same page. Just like old times! Keep popping by my old friend! Russ

Hey wp

Not patronising at all mate, you are 100% spot on. I am so determined to not hurt myself anymore than externals forces already are. It used to make me angry when things beyond my control, like the recent government agenda to bully the weak and vulnerable by falsely alleging that they are capable of work, happened because its not fair. But I could get as angry as I liked, and the government still wouldn't give a sheet. So those feelings of fear and helplessness, that there was nothing I could do to make them stop, felt like they had to be numbed. At that point I would choose to gamble.

These days, I use it to fuel my determination to overcome these things. I don't want the powers that be to succeed in grinding me down, but by gambling I am making it so much easier for them to do so. I am making myself even more vulnerable and less able to cope. Instead, I face those feelings of despair and anger, then do something to help myself like meditation, or counting my blessings.

Anyway, sorry for rambling about me! I just feel so passionate about fighting against oppressive forces like multi-national companies who profiteer and treat their staff like poo, or the government who want to make out the weak and vulnerable are just benefit cheats, so that they don't have to pay as much tax out of their massive salaries. Dispicable, greedy bullies.

Anyway. About you....I think, and hope, you found what I said helpful. You know me, I only do the truth. But sometimes the truth is quite harsh and scary, and feels too much. Sometimes making realisations about how we are bouncing off people, is painful, and hard. Sometimes we don't want to accept that someone we love, may not be good for us. It makes me think of the song title "do you want the truth - or something beautiful?" Sometimes the truth is anything but beautiful.

So any thoughts I may share with you, always come with a heartfelt desire for the recipient to be happy, and succeed! I never want to pish on anyone's chips!!! I want the very best for you, because you deserve it. Don't let anyone take away from you, the enormous strength and courage it has taken to be able to say you are 3 years plus clean. I get how hard it is to get where you are today. I genuinely admire it. I imagine it has at times, felt like it would literally kill you. Be proud. You have been through hell, and come out standing.

Take care,

f x