My breaking point

I think you've realized its time to stop......your mind will convince you that you cant, in fact it will do everything to make you think you cant and not want to.......but you can, good luck.

Hi there. It’s truly amazing how what starts off as a once  a week Friday night activity over time grows to being now the all consuming job every day and sometimes every hour

At this point for me I had to reach out to all help available and have all accounts finance’s arranged for me this alongside good diet exercise  and helping others worse off than me opened a new perspective 

It takes a good while to change routine but it’s the only way. Best

Hey everyone thanks for the words of support, it's really the only way I could vent my thoughts and actions by coming here.

Well the morning of day 1 arrives and I awake with a headache from staring at those slots for  hours yesterday and the day before. The Low low feeling hits as the realisation of how much money has been lost and how you will get through the month.

But it's a good feeling in a way because it means my mind at the moment is clear of urges to gamble.

It's also good aswell because ,of how distracted gambling made me at work I realised how truly out of control I had become recently. It means that gambling was more urgent or important to me than working and studying.  All I had worked for and I am just spinning slots like the addict I have become.

Hi Robert.

The gambling addiction was very mucgh ferar based and being on an adrelaine rush.

This emotional condition can very easily reach a point of complete panic.

Not being able to think clearly and often do or say things which were not healthy.

In effect I was putting my self at risk and causing my self a lot of emotional stress and anxiety.

I now view this as self abuse neglect and causing my self lots of pains.

Money wasted away was in effect my time wasted.

I was not a stupd bad person I was just emotionally vulnerable.

Once we get to understand our emotional triggers it makes life so much healthier and simpler.

By loosing money put more stresss and pain on me.

By continuing on this path of self destruction you can loose so much from your life.

Pains of my past caused me to live in fear of being honest.

But if you get wise and get t meetings you will find a much safer healthier way of life.

It is important to disconneect from all connections to all forms of gambling.

At this time you may nt be able to trust your self with money.

You being honest at this time is very healthy.

By being honest your fears reduce and with another person your trusts grows..

By taking the recovery program will improve your levels of self care and self respect.

Money would never resolve my emotional triggers.

Money would never heal my pains.

This decision you make now can be a life saver for you.

Take good care of your self.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham

Bro plz I beg u and pray to God stop right now find and get strength what you thinks is bad and rock bottom there is worst I have been there literally destroyed my life the addiction is over now I am clean but left with a mountain of debt ...depression and stress and no help creditors after me every single day no sleep don't get to this point yet still I am clean and my depression can't lead me back to it ...I am so desperate I literally beg strangers online for financial help

My mind fogs when I am in that gambling zone, and I lose all rationale, everything gets forgotten for gambling, sleeping, eating, sleep,work,study, self care, all of it lays forgotten, and for what ? ,chasing money I will spend on nothing other than gambling.
Then what's left after the gambling whirlwind has finished?
Left laying in the rubble of my life ,is a tired, broke,failure. Hungry, miserable and broken.

And yet we continue spinning when payday comes round again.

@kessr34 Hi thank congratulations for abstaining from gambling and sharing your experience of your current financial issues. 

There are services that can help with dealing with creditors such as Money Guidance Service (MGS) and Pay plan a debt management service which you can request a referral to via the 24hour helpline on 0808 802 0133.

The Money Guidance Service attend the themed online chat on Wednesday 6-7pm please see link Chatrooms - GamCare  also, there is a fact sheet provided by their service on the GamCare website Managing your money - GamCare

Please speak with your G.P. about the stress impact on you mentally and physically to avoid any health concerns. I hope you get some support from the services mentioned as there is help available and I wish you all the best in your continued recovery abstinence journey from gambling.

Best wishes

Rets Forum Admin

The reality of just how out of control I have been recently and essentially how hopelessly addicted to gambling has really hit home.

It's almost like being under a spell, you know you want to stop and walk away from the slots etc but yet you can't, you just keep spinning. 

In your head you are actually screaming stop I need to stop spinning and yet you can't stop and you continue. Just wanting to stop there and then and yet you can't 

Thats the scary reality of how I have become recently

Willing to let things fall apart just so you can spin in that winning bonus that will get your money back.

My name is Rob and I have a gambling addiction to which I am powerless at the moment without help.

@robert1979 thank you for continuing to share your struggle with us and gaining support from other members here at the forum. Please do call the helpline to talk through help options 0808 8020 133. You're not alone with this, do reach out. All the best to you. Jane Forum Admin

Good morning all.

It's been very hard over the last few days, battling actually fighting my desires to just gamble to pawn stuff to make money back etc.

But what really hits home is that all my energy has been on thoughts like that and wrestling with the urges to gamble.

I was walking home from work last night and it was a wet but cold night and that wonderful cold air was refreshing my head. Then a thought came to me. I am essentially at the moment wanting to risk my study deadlines, my job ( to the point where at the moment I have been so distracted at work and unproductive due to sneeking off in to side offices to gamble on my phone), risk mental wellbeing risk physical health my not eating and skipping meals because the preparation takes time away from spinning slots.) I would risk all of that just to spin a few hundred away on slots for money I would never withdraw if I won.

That's the wonderful thing of when that gambling fog clears temporarily from your mind and you come back to your senses, for that moment you can see how truly devastating this addiction is .

Rob

Good morning Rob,

Thank you for posting and sharing your experience, and having the courage to speak so openly about your urges.

Urges are incredibly powerful, both mentally and physically and riding an urge surf, can be difficult to manage. Urges last around 20 minutes, and they will subside, as I am sure you have experienced.

It is important to play the tape, forward - thinking of the scale of the repercussions, should you gamble, and the reality of further decline:  financially, emotionally, and mentally.

Sometimes it is helpful to monitor your urges:  low medium and high and familiarise yourself with your triggers, whether external, internal or interpersonal.

The more insight you have to your triggers, the easier they become to manage.

Remind yourself of the victories that come from abstinence, and the elation to your mood, when you have overcome an uncomfortable urge.

Thank you again,

Forum Admin.

I feel that only by being true with my self and others that can I fully accept how things have been and are and it is the only way I can ever stop slots roulette etc.

So struggling for days and days I released again today, I am not ashamed to admit it because if I did not then there is no point writing a recovery diary. 

I want to clarify a couple of things about the relapse , being a gambler and after my big loses 3 days ago, so I could get money for food I pawned a few things of mine,which have been in and out of that pawn shop so many times.  I put the cash in the bank and it was about hundred and thirty,  then obviously we know what happened before I knew it hundred and ten was gone online ,but somehow the last few pounds spun in xxxx, I knew at this point I was still going to miss rent as did not have enough, but needed food etc so took six hundred out instantly ,but then 20 miss later was spinning away the five hundred it a small stationary office ,then !!!! Someone walked in and saw me playing whilst pretending to be working, it's actually someone I am very good friends with , and at that point I just broke down and told him a was spiralling, can't stop spinning the slots how get so distracted recently, I just handed him my phone and I self excluded there and then. Just the relief I felt was massive and still is.

I am banned from all gambling sites online mainly to self exclusions etc and this was the only site that i could gamble on and now I can't. Also can't go in the bookies. So I have essentially no access to gambling.

So as I type this I have just eaten a nice big meal ,I have money in the bank for this month for food etc,  I know my landlord will ask about the rent but I face it when that comes. And so tomorrow I am going to by myself a nice take away coffee a magazine and just relax as I have tomorrow off work.

Even though I blew that few hundred a few hours ago I am quite content right now because for the first time ever I was sensible enough to withdraw some of the money for myself to use and essentially enjoy, I was able to confide and let all the gambling problem out by talking, and now I am all self excluded so no access online etc to gambling.

So I am now back to the start and tomorrow is day 1 again. 

But yeah if I hadn't of written this I would be lieing to myself and others that I had not gambled.

Kind regards 

Robert