Day 27
It's the eve of one month. But I'm filled with dread cos OH gambled last night. Don't know how much or if he has actually stopped yet. Pay day curse. Been anxious all day and don't know what I'm going to be going home to...
Day 28
Happy 1 Month to me!! 🙂
Managed to get hold of OH in the day and gently asked about the 'damage'. Told me he'd come out even, is it the truth? Doesn't matter. I can only go by the info i'm given. But accepting it is true and I do think it is mostly true, I realised I wasted an whole chunk of my day and energy worried, anxious and distracted. Need to challenge negative thoughts and 'worrying' in the future to ensure I am healthy and happy.
Total debt to date: 14,486
Day 29
Really resenting OH gambling other day today and debt on my mind. Plans in place but feeling resentful of his gambling is new to me. Why should I let his actions stress me out and how inconsiderate of him to continue gambling in front of me when he knows all I did to try and stop. Feeling unsupported.
Hi Red, how are you feeling today? It must be hard when your OH gambles and you're trying so hard not to. You're right, of course, that you shouldn't let his actions stress you out. He does what he does, and it's up to you how you choose to react. But it doesn't always seem that clear does it? When Mr.LB is whiling away hours killing zombies on the PS4 I find myself thinking well, if he gets to do that then why shouldn't I just have a relax with a tenner? Crazy thought process...the only person I'm hurting and letting down is me...but then we don't always think very rationally do we? Learning how to cope with what he does that triggers you is going to be key. Don't let his lack of consideration send you back to day 1. How's the counselling going? Please remember, you may not feel very supported at home but there's a whole crowd of us on here willing you on.
LB x
Day 30
Thanks for your post LB, that is exactly what I think! If he can do that what's the harm, but ur right, we should be number 1 to ourselves and I certainly feel supported from your post. Much appreciated 🙂
Knackered today but no urges. Counselling Wednesday and looking forward to a new month with no gambling transactions on the bank statement!
Day 32
Counselling today and reduced OD by £10. Winning
Day 33
Got home to an amazing cooked meal last night. Just had an urge so came on here instead
Day 34
Tomorrow is the start of another gamble free bank statement!
Good to see you going do well Red. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll never have to see another bank statement with a gambling transaction on it. How great will that feel? xx
Day 35
That will feel truly amazing! Big urges tonight and generally feeling quite low. Something to bring up in counselling I think. Have real low moments for no distinctive reason. The debt is depressing but need to find healthy alternatives to running away and hiding with a numbing rush!
Day 36
Downloaded a debt management app last night. The prediction on minimum payments is debt free by Feb 2019 - not as bad as I thought! Only leaves me with £200 a month wiggle room but it's more than some have and it'll be more than I've had before!! Roll on 2019
Good for you rednow. May I ask what the debt management app is? £200 is like you said, more than other people have to survive on for the month. And remember it's really not forever. Stay strong. c x
Day 37
Knackered but nothing new there 🙂 and no empty feeling of shame in the pit of my stomach as I have not gambled.
Day 0
5 weeks achieved. Back to the beginning
Make some changes red..little things can make wonders!
Stand bk up and fight - you got it in you.
Stay safe..just for today & believe in yourself.
S x
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