My recovery diary

Just paid off another big chunk of debt probably gonna be a tighter month i suppose its better me throwing the money towards debt than gambling.

After being on a debt management plan for almost 4 years it should be paid off this year.

I will be glad however i know there isnt any going back but it does make me shocked and sad to see the total paid back and what that money could have been such as deposit on a house. Hopefully in the long run it will help me manage money better and save as i was careless before i even ever gambled anyway.

Lou x

Hi lou, I understand what you are saying I was bad with money and had debt even before I started gambling also. Aged 55 years I've finally got my head around managing money, took a rock bottom moment to get it......better late than never I say !! Hope you are doing better lou x

Well done on paying that chunk Lou xxx

Hi Lou,

Just checking in on you, hope your feeling a bit better today and hoping they have sorted out your meds. I totally get where your coming from, I come from a family who suffer with mental heath, my husband, my mum, my brothers and so on so I understand your difficulties at the moment.

Be proud of yourself though. You have a job you love and work hard for, you are gamble free. You deserve all the happiness. Look after yourself.

Take care 

Kate

Thankyou all..

Stepchange refunded me as i did send too much that was not manageable luckily i didnt need to ask they realised and questioned me with it thats taken some pressure off about money.

Im starting  with gambling clinic over phone next week so thats good. 

Otherwise im just exhausted today

Loux  

Feeling triggered this evening not enough to gamble i did try to go on a site, not intentionally, but gamban worked this time

Feeling sad as my usual safe place each evening to cope with triggers and support others i am having difficulties with 

Lou x

Posted by: Loux

Feeling triggered this evening not enough to gamble i did try to go on a site, not intentionally, but gamban worked this time

Feeling sad as my usual safe place each evening to cope with triggers and support others i am having difficulties with 

Lou x

Glad your blocks prevented you from accessing Lou.

I can't get my head around your other issue,  I didn't see what happened the evening in question  but from what I have seen the past 2 evenings is clearly someone harassing you. They make no engagements really with anyone in chat only to try and get to you ??

Thankyou secret

And yes gamban never previosuly worked with my broadband provider  but here it did today. I wasnt looking to gamble more looking something up but it kicked in which i guess is helpful, i also still have gamstop.

Going to try and switch off now,well done again on your acheivement secret

Night xx 

Started first session with gambling clinic didnt go as well as i hoped due to my nerves and not being able to say how i felt it was in my head but getting it across in the right words was hard.

Seem to have replaced gambling with other things such as comps and fantasy football not best of ideas i know and need be careful with comps that i dont go mad as i do feel guilty after 

Otherwise 250 days gamble free its i have gamstop and gamban worked when i was under different wifi so its my current one that isnt compatiable.

Got stressful couple weeks coming up with work i have let self care really slip and need to even wash my hair for work but everything just feels like so much effort right now im feeling low, irritable and anxious today

Loux 

Horrible day ended up having a breakdown because of it, got angry upset anxious to point i totally flipped out..home now feeling really self destructive just trying to calm down. Havent gambled but it did cross my mind at one point more of a self destruct button.

Going to try and calm and get early night tonight. Just really over reacted today because i mentally hit breaking point. 

Hi Lou. Didn’t get to chat much last night on chat as I was late on. Hope you are ok cx

Hi Lou,

Really sorry to hear your having such a hard time lately. I really worry about you, you have become a friend over the past 8 weeks I have been here. Every night bar a few I speak to you.

If only we was allowed to swap details,  I would in a heartbeat give you mine so you could contact me whenever you need to vent or get something of your chest.

I can see your extremely exhausted, you have been seriously overworked and given someone who suffers with there mental health you work place have a duty of care to support you.

I remember my husband telling his boss to shove his job up his ****, it was in the heat of the moment because he felt they wasn't listening and taking him seriously.  Once he  went in and sat down and talked and they actually listened they apologized because they knew they had triggered him as he was suffering with his mental health and bad anxiety . Dont get me wrong its not good to behave that way nor do I reccomend it but sometimes we can't help what happens and work should understand your in a difficult situation.

Please speak with your GP, please reply and let me know you'll be ok.

Take care

Love Kate x

Thankyou,

Im too exhausted to post about things tonight but saw you had commented and just wanna say ill be okay dont worry about me. 

Its been nice chatting to you on here and ive seen you be a great support to everyone

Hope your well yourself

Lou

Hi Lou, just wanted to drop by and say hello.  I hope you’re ok. I guess tomorrow is another day. But please look after yourself. 
T xx

In a dark place this evening, so low ive had enough..ive really had enough. 

Ive put so much effort into recovery but its just not good enough 

Im just not in a good place and also feeling like a horrible person this week 

Just wish everyone else well 

Lou x