My diary: Hoping to move forward stronger

Two weeks done. I'm very pleased.

Two weeks ago today I was feeling so down, and so annoyed with myself for being such an idiot.

Since then I've come a fair way, not spent a penny on gambling, and have spent probably £170 on extra things for myself, which I hadn't really done before.

The thing that pleases me most is that I have managed to watch football matches and not bet on them. I didn't think I'd be ready for that this early, but so far so good.

I keep saying it though - I need to avoid complacency. I'm not thinking that two weeks is a lifetime. The hard work continues.

Today is day 17 for me. No issues. I'm quite pleasantly surprised because I can watch Soccer Saturday and not even get the remotest urge. It sounds strange but I feel different in my emotions, the way I react to matches. I no longer think 'that's a good chance to win money' (it never is).

I've been listening to a few podcasts (recommended by others on this forum) about the dangeros of compulsive gambling and one of the people made a good point about how gambling messes up your finances. That, because deposits from your bank account into your betting account are taken out of your bank account over the course of a few days - and winnings don't appear in your bank account for a few days, so you never really know the true state of your finances.

Whereas over the last two and a half weeks, I've felt a lot of calm in checking my bank balance and knowing not much has changed and that it is a true reflection of what I have. 

I'm very pleased at my progress and just want to keep it going.

Three weeks done. No problems as of late.

I've really enjoyed having spare money to save and buy myself some nice things.

It's also great to be able to watch a match without my brain feeling preoccupied by the compulsion to gamble.

I know I sound like a broken record, but it's important to repeat: I'm not going to become complacent. The hard work is just beginning.

Four weeks down, no issues.

I am feeling that I'm having less interest in football but I am sure that's not due to the lack of a bet on the outcome and is down to there being no crowds, too many games and not much riding on them in terms of the league outcome.

Five weeks done.

I must admit, I had a bit of a wobble on Sunday.

I was watching basketball. (For context, in the last month I've been able to watch basketball games with no problems).

What set this one apart was that I'd followed a week-long knockout tournament and could see one team was gonna do well and for the first time since I quit,

I had that feeling where you convince yourself (completely irrationally) that I *knew* what the outcome would be and would be 'missing out' without betting.

I went as far as checking the odds and almost attempting to deposit money into my account (knowing full well it would be impossible anyway because of the bank block I set).

This went on from the start of the game until half time, so for about 30 minutes, when I finally just stopped being an idiot and just enjoyed the second half.

I'm having to learn from it and know it will mean having to miss some games in the coming weeks, to avoid the same triggers.

Still, five weeks done. I'm happy with that.

Six weeks (and one day) and no issues.

Dear @greyville,

Just wanted to congratulate you on being six weeks (and one day) gamble-free. It looks like you are really focused and are going strong.

Keep sharing and keep the focus, it sounds like you are on the right track.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Posted by: Forum admin

Dear @greyville,

Just wanted to congratulate you on being six weeks (and one day) gamble-free. It looks like you are really focused and are going strong.

Keep sharing and keep the focus, it sounds like you are on the right track.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thank you.

Seven weeks, no issues.

I was thinking yesterday how bizarre our approach is to gambling.

Occasionally I get the odd text from a pal who has an accumulator on, and I find that my instinct is to hope he loses. 

It's irrational because, why would I not want my friend to earn money at a bookmaker's expense? But I think the innate response is jealousy or a feeling of 'why did he spot that combination and I didn't?' 

Whatever the explanation, it's strange. 

I don't feel anything particularly when I see those texts, in terms of it being a trigger. So I suppose that's a positive.

Hope your enjoying the sunshine Greyville. Looks like we're having an early summer ?. 

Great to see you nearly 2 months without a bet. 

I read with interest your struggles when looking at results. I stopped checking the footie results a few weeks ago because I realised it woke up the gambling part of my brain. It is easy for me though because I don't support any teams.

Many thanks for visiting my diary. I appreciate your support and encouragement.

Aum ?

Eight weeks no issues.

Posted by: Aum

Hope your enjoying the sunshine Greyville. Looks like we're having an early summer ?. 

Great to see you nearly 2 months without a bet. 

I read with interest your struggles when looking at results. I stopped checking the footie results a few weeks ago because I realised it woke up the gambling part of my brain. It is easy for me though because I don't support any teams.

Many thanks for visiting my diary. I appreciate your support and encouragement.

 

Aum ?

Thanks for the kind words, Aum.

I think with me, it's not necessarily checking the results, it's knowing that I follow several sports that I know I know better than English bookies. I watch a lot of college football and college basketball in the US and, if I see a particularly good team starting a tournament well, my compulsion wants me to bet on that team (and in the case of college basketball, it would have been right).

But I understand now that, even if it was right, it's of no consequonence: The money I would have made would have just gone on losing bets.

These days, I take greater pleasure in checking my 'clean' bank balance. That is to say, I know full well that the balance I see on my phone app is my actual balance, and I don't have to wince for the next week until all the bookies' takings are gone and all the winnings are back, hoping that it breaks even.

Nine weeks, no issues.

Ten weeks. All good! 🙂

Eleven weeks, two days, no issues.

I actually forgot to post here on Wednesday to mark 11 weeks, which is a good sign.

I'm totally engrained in watching sports without even thinking about betting now.