My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

Hello Blocked,

You sound so much happier now you are back home with your family.

You are beginning to get the hang of this recovery. Day by day you will get stronger....stick with it, it really is worth the energy and effort.

Jas x

Weekend went well - was busy with family things most of the time. Waking up today I know I will have to face phone calls and such like from creditors. Alot pushing me. I know the answer wont come from gambling though. Its like I want and need to put as many days between my last slip and now.

Feel a bit down today, maybe thats the hangover as we had a few bottles of wine yesterday, not sure. One day i can feel great and the next day depressed by the whole situation. Have to travel again later this week, which im not looking forward to. But after then it calms down. I need to get past midweek when money arrives without trying to gamble.

hi

Your not alone with all those feelings...but is is good to read about people 5months and more down the road and seeing how there lives have greatly improved.Stay strong in time we can get over this

Regards

Micheal42

Thanks seanostars Micheal Stumper Jas n others for the messages.

Finding it hard to work today not due to wanting to gamble - just feel the blanket of depression over me. Have 2 days to go until money comes in then its the awful task of who the hell do I pay. Got to make a few calls today which im dreading as I always do when i feel down.

Need to get back to work - feel like going to bed though and watching a movie. Maybe I will do that l8ter. A weary onwards to you all.

Hi Blocked, thanks for the post.

Sounds like you are miserable like me, hope we can cheer up soon and find different ways to keep combating this horrible illness.

Keep up the recovery, pay what you need to pay on payday and dont gamble with whats left.

Enjoy the film!

Hi Blocked sorry to read that you are feeling a bit down today,i have come home from my first day in my new job and have 2 letters telling me that court action is the next step they are taking with me,it makes me laugh in a way as only last week the same people wrote to me saying they would accept my offer of reduced payments for the next 10 months!!,it's a f*****g nightmare dealing with creditors,take solace mate,your not alone with the debts or the gambling :).

Seano.

Hi Blocked.

Sorry to see you feeling down mate. Encouraging to see that you are having a decent spell gamble free though mate. Every day will be brighter the longer you keep this up.

Sending positive thoughts your way Blocked. Keep on finding the strength to kick this habit once and for all.

Another day under my belt without gambling - yesterday was a low day felt cr@P almost the whole time. Feel somwhat better this morning. Im in a position with my biz that I can affect the outcome of what kind of money becomes available - so worked some on that to increase the level of sales. But thats been a part of the big problem the past year. Way too many hours wasted gambling when i could have been working and earning.

No idea why I get down - I never used to. Was In chat last night discussing lapses was interesting to see how others cope with this. I have no intention of going back to gambling and am as I said trying to put as many days between myself and my last lapse. This time last week I was just about to start my binge which lasted most of the day. At least im in a better place that I was 7 days ago.

Debts debts debts all over the place. Post has just arrived cant face going downstairs yet to see what Hell has arrived. Thanks to all who posted here. Makes a big difference - getting the support. Gotta shake of this depressed feeling.

Blocked out,

I can really sympathise. I get periods of depression where im just unable to see anything positive. Sometimes when you stop using the old coping mechanism of gambling - all the feelings rush back in and its not very comfy.

Do hope you feel brighter soon. Be good to yourself just now.

f x

Hi Blocked

Sorry to hear you feel depressed m8.Hope you feel better tomorrow.Sometimes m8 there doesnt have to be anything going wrong for us to be depressed its just the comedown of our situation.You are going strong now blocked keep it up Jeff.

Blocked--well done on 7 days mate. Depression will lift or improve as your attitude to gambling does mate. Sorry to sound blunt but you have the power within. Seize the chance.

God bless

Stumper

I think the time has come to explain everything to my wife. Their are problems with our relationship which I never went into here and dont really wish to. Things though are coming to a head. Im very tense this morning as I want to show her my diary - show her everything. The risk is she could leave me. Cant cope with doing this on my own though I think. Found 1 more machine unprotected - purchased yet another licence - gameblock this time. Its installed. I had though a miserable Eureka moment this morning when I woke up - that blocking software - online support - and such like is only half of what is needed. Maybe the other parts can come from me telling everything.

This path im on suddenly seems a whole lot scarier than I ever thought it was. Thank you to all for your conitnued support. I might not post for a few days depending on what I decide - but I will post again soon. Blocked.

Morning Blocked,

I hope all goes well if you decide to tell your wife. You are moving forward in your recovery which is great to see.

Thinking of you Blocked 🙂

Jas x

i feel for you reading your post this morning.As you know i am in a similiar situation.Most peopls advice is to tell our partners/wifes..and from what i can gather most do support us...provided we stop gambling.It is gambling that has almost destroyed our lives...without it we can start to rebuilt our lives and relationships.

Wish you and your wife the best,

Micheal42

Tried to tell my wife no go.

Mentioned gamblock - she said

"god i would divorce you if I thought you were gambling again .. couldnt cope with that"

My life of lies and decite continues. Im in no mans land at the mo.